Help me please (painful post warning)

[Major]

This is a difficult post.

The past months have been hell. Mom’s long term partner passed away due to a hemorrhagic stroke.The children of mom’s partner are of a similar age as she since he was much older than mom. A couple of them have good jobs, one of them is literally a millionaire. Yet they didn’t even try to save him. He could have been saved if he had a surgery as soon as he was sent to the hospital but none of the children made a move. By the time they called my mom he was already in a vegetative state. They wanted to end him asap but we wanted to prolong his life for we believed that there was a chance, no matter how slim, for him to be back from the state. The conversation got heated, I made a scene, and that’s when I heard it loud and clear what they danced around - the value of their dad’s life was less than the hospital bill. We offered to pay but they knew we didn’t have much, they might end up have to pay so they ended his life behind our back. We didn’t get to see him one last time.

That triggered the repressed memory of the death of my grandma. She passed away alone a few years ago, due also to a hemorrhagic stroke. Her body was discovered two days afterwards. When I first heard of that for days I couldn’t stop imagining the last moments of grandma, I would hear her calling my mom’s name out of regret, of delusion, of desperation. Mom left home for work when she was a teen. Grandpa passed away early and for years it was my uncle living with grandma living on the money mom sent. Then he left also and only kept in touch occasionally. He had a good job, no debts, and his family lived well. Yet he would ask grandma for money and grandma would then ask mom. Eventually my mom was tired of his free loading, and stopped sending money to grandma. That led to arguments between all parties, which led to not keeping in touch with them.

I kept thinking they both could have lived had I had money. I am angry yet confused that uncle and the children of mom’s partner could afford the costs but they didn’t wanna “waste” on them. While I was more than willing to do so but couldn’t afford it. On top of that I became anxious, paranoid more than ever. I had dreams of mom passing away, I didn’t know what to do so I just lied next to her body, I would wake up with tears on my face. She had a cut and there were signs of infection, I couldn’t sleep for days. During the height of losing my mind I wanted to get help but had too many “reasonings” restrained me from doing so. I tried to make posts here but either deleting them or even stopped at the login.

Needless to say I no longer listen to subliminal, no longer practise self help techniques. But I wanna ask for help while I can. At this moment I wanna get better, I wanna have hope, I wanna live life as a real man. I am thinking of listening to Dragon Reborn for inner healing but I am concerned about the time needed and possible reconciliations tipping me over since it seems powerful. Since money issues/poverty mindset are the base of my pain I am also thinking of EoG simply for stage 1. Or should I go for less intense sub such as HoM (I don’t want any sexual element whatsoever at this point) or Survival Instinct (for the will to live and less intrusive thoughts)?

P. S. Forgive me if I don’t reply, I am already having brain fog and feeling very tired making this post. Please know that I am very grateful for your help.

[Rusty1]

It is indeed a very difficult post, and i am really sorry to hear what you have been through, it must be hell to handle all this at once.

I always like to think that the life of any person worth much more then any money can buy, but i realized that in our world sometimes there are other variables that need to be thought of for every scenerio.

First of all, i would suggest combining therapy with subliminals, if that is affordable by you.

if not, then i would suggest starting with therapy because subliminals tend to have reconciliation in the start of listening.

if you do decide to go with subliminals, you should start with regeneration + elixir as these are the gentlest approaches to emotional healing, in comparison to DR which is more advanced.
Don’t start with financial subs before you feel emotionally stable, or they might tip you off to a steepr cliff.

i’m not sure if its allowed, but if you have money issues purchasing these and you feel like they could really help you deal with the emotional issuess, please DM me.

There is always huge pain and grief in death, it is a process which take time for the mind to accept and live with it, especially where it involves close family members.

Wishing well of you and your family in this time of loss.

[Major]

Thank you for the comforting words.

There are reasons I can’t bring myself to therapy. I don’t feel comfortable to do so not only because money is tight but also because where I am is a small town and words get around. Also growing up the idea of it was discouraged even though I wanted to give it a try years ago (even as a kid I was melancholy) but my mom’s partner was a conservative man, he thought therapy was a good scam for the weak. Yet he wasn’t wrong that people his generation were doing just fine without that. I just got to toughen up.

Thanks for the very kind suggestion. Ultima might be wasted on me as I don’t have high end earphones, plus I am not sure if I can process ultrasonic.

[subliminalguy]

@Major,

It took deep courage to post this. Being honest and vulnerable is a very brave act, imo. You are not alone here. It’s a shame the family seemed to dismiss his life so easily. That’s painful.

And you’ve asked for help, which is a brave step. I too would encourage Regeneration and Elixer since it’s much gentler than DR. Many here, myself included, did Regeneration for long spells before DR came on the scene. It worked on some base fears preventing growth, so when DR showed up, it was attractive.

Lastly, I spent a lot of time and money in counseling and therapy rooms, for close to 20 years. Little progress was made. I had tons of fear, not trusting people, so I switched a lot. I still call subliminals the cheapest therapy available since good therapists are constantly looking for the ways into your psyche, hoping they can run interference in your normal routines. Subs do that, and since I know not the script, I can only sabotage good results. Done that, and I still see myself trying to avoid major changes. I’m slowly learning to get out of my own way. Self-sabotage is why I’m still working on this stuff, nearly 30 years later. Subs prevent that, which is why I use them. And they work.

Keep it simple. Follow your gut here, and look for good change. I mean that when I say you’re not alone. We’re all working on something here. Thank you for trusting us in your journey.

[COWolfe]

Man, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’ll second what others have said here. Regen and Elixir will be great for you. You might want to add in Ascension as well because that’ll start changing how you see yourself for the better.

[Phoermes]

Some people, huh? It’s pretty sad that’s happening, they must be holding some kind of grudge over him marrying again. Any case:

Regeneration + Elixir + AM. Is my recommendation. And I highly recommend the new AM.

Read the sales pages and see if they touch resonate within you.

Don’t quit subliminals. Subliminal Club’s vision and work is a gift. Don’t stop improving yourself. Reach your potential then break its limits.

[Apollo]

Indeed a very difficult post, but all too real. I have also come across some pretty bad eggs in my life, and the lesson I took from that is that I’ll never do what they did. I know what it’s like.

About the stack, I am enjoying DR, I feel I am healing a lot from it, but if I were to start again with a limited budget, I’d probably pick Regeneration + Ascended Mogul, just to get a lot of bases covered.

I’ll add when I first started with SC, I also bought Sanguine, asap. At the time, I had a lot of turmoil, and I wanted to see what it means to truly have inner peace. I believed that has helped me as well.

I wish you well. Keep the lessons you’ve learned, so that when the time comes, and you’re the one at the top, you’ll know exactly what to do.

[Malkuth]

I agree with @Rusty1. Basically all of it.

Let me add my voice to the chorus of support for you, @Major. Just to get through it and heal.

In my opinion, one major purpose and strength of therapy is just to have a safe, supportive space to work through issues. To face pain and gradually to release what can be released. It’s less about the ‘explanations’ and more about the magic of interpersonal connection and support.

Here’s a resource. This is a method that recreates part of the useful processes that can occur in a therapy room, but it can be done individually.

(p.s. I’ve experienced a couple of major results from Ultimas just using Apple EarPods - the standard wired headphones.)

[Major]

Thank you all good people for your replies, and thank you for being here for me.

[Michel]

Family is grossly overrated.

You have two options for the emotional healing - Wait for Regeneration Q version 2 to come out, or start now with Elixir. Don’t cover up pain with more crap, attend to it immediately.

When you feel ready enough, Ecstasy of Gold will take care of ALL limiting money beliefs.

[RVconsultant]

Sometimes recovering from what seems so unfair can be just as difficult as grieving a loss of a loved one.

DR is great, but tough. Elixir and Regeneration might work well for you. Elixir and Sanguine might also be beneficial.

[SubliminalUser]

I want to recommend DR Qv2 so badly despite it being a challenging sub…