Help me Identifie my fear

#1

Hello there ,
I hope you are doing well.
So today i’m asking for because i’ve notice a pattern of behavior that i’m trying to get out of.
my dating life is nice i’m confortable around women i know make then click… i have no problem with that.
Recently i have felt the need for a relationship and that’s when the problem started.

it happen to me twice with two different ladies. As long as it is about fun sex going out i’m fine , but once i identified the one i really like i became paralysed , i could not get break the armour at all i could not say a word about my feelings or anything about realtionship, and now if fell like it is getting worse .
I’m to the point were if i see a woman that i really like i can’t even get to the first date …
Any insight will be welcomed.

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#2

So, you feel worried, confessing your feelings to women you like?
If so, what do you think they could do or say that would help you get comfortable with that?

#3

There’s something called Socratic thinking or the 5 whys

Basically you keep asking why until you get to the root cause of the problem

“I feel anxious around women.”

Why?

“Deep down I feel unattractive.”

Why?

…

And you keep going till you see what your actual beliefs are

Once they are written out in front of you they are brought to your consciousness

And they start to become something your mind starts to work on figuring out how to solve

Another option is AI

You can use it to mind dump your thoughts and feelings

And it can act as a coach or advisor to see your blind spots

Put as much information and context as you can (journals, thoughts etc.)

And if will start to see things you don’t or don’t want to admit

Same thing with this, once it’s brought to your consciousness your mind will take the first step on starting to work on how to solving it

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#4

Nothing they could do as far as u know but I can’t pinpoint exactly what is happening to me at that moment but thinks won’t just come out of my mouth.

#5

Maybe a good starting point .
Recursive questioning well certainly help

#6

Wanted dream boy will help you be authentic with them.

Right now you’re being performative and superficial because you feel that’s all they’ll accept from you.

#7

Probably true. When you fuck, do you wear an emotional mask? Hide your feelings? Focus intensely on how many orgasms you can give her? Or otherwise some sort of highly polarized sexual dynamic like BDSM where each of you have predefined roles (dom/sub, etc) so that you can both “play a part” instead of deeply connecting?

Does the sociosexual contract you’ve signed with these women include an agreement that things will stay excessively casual and that neither of you should “catch feelings?”

Do you have sex with these women because that’s the closest you can get to a real relationship with them without voicing your opinions and asking for what you want?

WDB would probably be great for this especially combined with a long run of Khan ST1. You obviously have no problems being sexual, you have problems being authentic, which Khan ST1 would heal better than ST2/4.

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