Honestly I’ve given up on books. I have a long history of reading stuff like this and being incapable of applying most of it consistently then feeling worse. I know at this point I need my therapist to offer guidance and an on rails approach to navigating my emotions. Maybe I’ll revisit them in the future. I appreciate you introducing them though.
Sorry that sounds defeatist. It’s just taken me a while to understand what will help vs hurt me. Some of it isn’t always straightforward.
@Fractal_Explorer I have been researching radical acceptance to help with various issues such as extreme envy and impatience.
I’m curious if the updated Dragon Reborn will help with that. Guilt and shame suck.
I feel this. You know what I’ve learned and this is totally just me. But researching, reading, constant quests to figure out just the right combination of things or subs to love and accept myself was me dodging the actual action of giving myself those things.
It’s not easy. I question every day how people do this consistently. And I understand now why these subs are for sound minds. It’s the experiences we build in the present that are the most important. I’m not saying inner work can’t help, but I’ve been at this for a long time. And I understand everyone’s experiences are different, but personally I’ve found my issues so ephemeral, so vague and yet powerful. The type of stuff you just can’t deconstruct because it exists solely in the realm of emotions. I need those experiences to shake things up, to show me that this thing exists, that it’s just not an imaginary wishful construct. The most painful thing I’ve experienced in my own life is clinging onto something with hopes that it’s real and never really touching it or experiencing it.
I had one of those experiences this morning. I had a deep conversation with my friend and she was giving me the most love and support for who I really am. I’m a transgender woman, I’ve lived my life never having connections with people as my core self. I started my journey about a month ago and my whole life has been turned on its head. As kind as I try to be to myself, I can only do so much. These types of experiences are healing in such a profound way, more so than any type of isolated digging inward towards introspection.
It’s very much like a veil lifts. It doesn’t seem real or possible as my mind tries to reconcile this new experience with all my previous collective life experiences. It makes me wonder how much other stuff is hidden from me, like just straight up hidden and I’m effectively blind to it.
All this to say with this long monologue. I think some of us have unique challenges. We have to piece together the puzzle, but sometimes those pieces of the puzzle are experiences we’ve yet to encounter. You can’t piece it together without them. It can be frustrating and difficult but I’m immensely grateful for the NSE and how it helps me build those in my life organically.