Time cometh for update.
KHAN ST1 total breakdown. First cycle.
Intuitively kind of knew gmx and a tournament event irl would help unravel khan st1 whats been boiling in my subconscious for a while.
I came very close to winning but as i was leading mistakes and misfortune took the victory from me and that triggered deep anger sitting there for a long while. The feeling of victory being taken from me nothing i despise more.
I always been obsessed with winning all the time but i never got the spotlight i felt i deserved. Strong resonance with sun in my chart(pride, ego, victory obsession, glory, recognition aka need to shine ) . Every time i feel im way too kind, empathetic and that i should be way more ruthless and cutthroat to win.
After all khan conquered most of the world because he did whatever it took.
Thoughts looping ‘Im cursed and fked by god/universe since the day i was born to always get screwed over’ it just rotts the soul from inside and makes me feel if the universe deprives me of the spotlight i deserve then i will go to any lenght neccessery to take it by force.
At the end of the day i much rather win than lose.
Being in the mist of recon im aware it is a sort of self imposed dark comedy but oh well i still have to play my part.
I been through deep spiritual experiences oneness with infinite, integration of death and more but if i incarnated on this plane i want to play the material game and direct the spiritual into helping me conquer the material.
Fuck money, fuck love and everything else. There’s just nothing sweeter on this plane of existance than victory and glory.
