Probably the best bet would be LBFH
" * Release stress and tension, be fully focused in the present."
I assume this would calm the sympathetic system and activate the parasympathetic one. Plus self confidence on top of that.
I notice I’m not living in the present moment. I pruned some trees today but now I’m inside zoned out not doing anything. Mind is a little detached.
I feel uncomfortable, maybe frustrated with myself. Always in the back of my mind is this urge to go eat. What am I suppressing or trying to avoid?
I have plenty to do:
Replace battery post connectors on car
Do 1st oil change on mower
Clean bathroom including shower
Organize clutter in areas of house
Move boxes to garage
Go buy 4 to 6 concrete blocks for garden
Shop vacuum car
Move all garden supplies into garage
Sweep mudroom
Fill up gas cans and use stabil
Find correct washer lid latch and order replacement
List sons old clothing on Craigslist
Do a workout
So why do I have no drive, ambition or sense of duty. What is my problem. There is a part of me that says “what does it matter”, a masculine man would get this shit done and more.
Get off your ass, just do something
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Thursday, 2:30am
LotS - 1 loop at 15 mins + Glm - 1 loop at 15 mins.
I got a few things done from my list above, more to do later today.
There is a sense of internal aggravation, my actions continue to be focused on seeking relief. I keep entertaining ideas of Rebirth, Ascension or LBH as a 3rd title. I keep annoying myself apparently.
I don’t think I want to face the truth. I think I’m avoiding. I can see myself, my environment, my life sure but I don’t think I’ve embraced the absolute truth of my reality. Why else would I be seeking relief, coping behaviors ect I’ve been minimizing myself and my life for the past 8 years of sobriety. Glm must be trying to kick in the door to my delusion.
I find myself wanting changes, tired of my job but also what I do and also nights. I’m tired of seeking out food as a means of suppression or distraction. I struggle doing things about the issues I find myself in. I’m mad about keeping myself down all this time. 
I haven’t worked out and felt so busted like I have this week. It’s as if I’ve deluded myself for 15 years. There is a right way to live and a wrong way to live. Knowing the right way is not enough.
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Are you the one who lives in a farm/ranch or something out in the woods? I remember reading a thread about that last year or year before.
Can’t say I do.
I live in Michigan and I grow a garden but it’s no farm. I commute to a job about 40 mins each way. I live life with no real connections, just friendly neighbors and work acquaintances.
You’re probably thinking of Bujin in NY state who lives in or next to woods.
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Long ago when it was still a stack module. Bought it at the same time I got my first sub which was Emperor V3. Pre-Q V3.
Not really recently. Maybe did Ultima when that first hit. one loop.
I want to add Ascension so I feel some sort of ambition and drive as I feel resigned to mediocrity.
But
I also want to add Rebirth because these obstacles I’m seeing lately, maybe it’d do me better if I ran it. Although it’ll make Neurofeedback more difficult to track feedback/results wise.
Any opinion?
I just finished my loops, I feel hot, temperature wise in the chest and head, you’d think my stomach would be where the fat is lol, but nah
Also a markedly obvious increase in tiredness. Interesting.
If you have Limit Destroyer, I’d consider that over Rebirth for a bit. then try Rebirh. Or do Rebirth first, the try LD.
see which is better.
So how would you run that? I ran LD with my last cycle of DR.
So instead of Glm/LotS on M/TH…
Glm/LD on Mon and LotS/LD Thurs? Or…
Yeah I think so. I’m getting into LD more finally.
Productive day. I bought stuff to replace battery cables but I think I might have found a better way, will try tomorrow. I notice I’m less afraid to ask for help. I’ve talked to my neighbors this week more than usual and when requesting help, felt no shame in doing so. I have/do carry shame but it seems to be lessening.
Mentally, I’m feeling less resistance when it comes to getting things done. Not with everything though, exercise seems to feel limiting which I think I’ll use Limit Destroyer the rest of this cycle starting Monday as Palpatine recommended.
Slowly this sense of internal strength is growing, I get moments where I state things in a matter of fact way without feeling weird about it. I struggled with feeling guilty when dealing with wants, needs, preferences and boundaries. Saying no was always difficult too, I would give obscure answers or lie and then avoid until it went away. But this is just starting to shift.
Groundedness, I’m losing that wishy washy, unstable in myself state. It’s important to become solid in who you are. I feel like Glm should be mandatory for me for at least 1 year. This is the essence of what having been raised by a father should be.
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Man, it seems like everyday I get a little better.
The stoic mindset I can feel. I’m so non-reactive, I seem to let go of things so easily. This level of detachment I’m experiencing is so nice.
I spent two hours today digging up my grass layer in my backyard because it was higher than other sections lol. Talk about drive, discipline and dedication. Even though it was hot out, I was sweating and it wasn’t fun…I just did it and kept doing it. Even when I took a water break and thought about doing some more later, not 5 mins later I was back at it.
Last week I wouldn’t have bothered.
Got my compost tea bubbling for my garden going. I changed out my battery connectors finally and without using the parts I bought, so now I can return them tomorrow.
I went from sabotaging behaviors, sitting around and avoiding whatever to now I can’t seem to sit down until it’s dark out. This is nice. I’m having slow progress with neurofeedback but it’s getting there. As my brain changes, I’m struggling with conscious presence, I feel like my mind easily drifts and even though I’m taking action, I feel like I’m on autopilot a lot. So hopefully I move through this, otherwise I’m feeling pretty good.
Working out specifically is challenging as I haven’t felt motivated but to be honest I’m still feeling sore from the last effort so I think maybe that’s why.
I’ve become a little more sensitive to my financial situation suddenly and have started reigning myself in. I’m noticing a stronger restraint mindset forming. More discipline with spending and the past 2 days I’ve eaten less too. A better foundation is forming.
I think I’m sleeping less too, too early to tell if it’s a temporary glitch or an actual change but I’ll wait and see. I think my body just wants to go back to days. I’ve been putting thought into a new job but after my neurofeedback session today I realized it’s not smart to make a change until my results improve and stabilize. I can’t be changing jobs when I’m feeling disconnected and zoned out.
I am feeling a sense of vigor or excitement though, for my life. A willingness to start participating as I’ve suppressed myself for years and things are changing. Glm is helping in ways I didn’t expect along with N.F. I’m on the right track
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Woke up at 1pm today, which is crazy early for me. Quiet energy all day, I’m not as tired as I used to be. I’m also finding it hard to be bored too. I used to just avoid things around the house, only do what was necessary for the week and just waste time.
Today I was outside doing stuff, completed a lot of projects. I notice that I’m starting to care more, specifically about external things like stuff I’ve neglected around my house. I’m not feeling too internally focused, hopefully that will change.
I don’t know if it’s a lack of appetite or that my frequency/quantity of eating is going down but I’m definitely going longer with out feeling hunger and I’m barely interested in food. I was 152 last week, tonight 149 so not much, probably water loss from being outside.
I’m looking forward to this coming week, back at work to gauge how I handle social interaction and stoic mindset. I’m curious if my sleep will maintain early rises or not.
When I go out to stores, I seem less interested in others. I mean I look around to maintain awareness but that insecure feeling of wondering what others think/feel ect that I used to have has left my mind. It’s weird because at the same time I seem to feel more open others as far as conversation. I made a comment to a greeter at my grocery store, chit chatted with the guy at the auto parts store when I returned the unused items. I bought pea gravel at the nursery near me and made small talk with the girl working. Pretty new for me as I was always pretty avoidant or straight to the point before.
Buddy invited me today, to his house for guys night. I’m going to pass as I have things to do tonight to prep for this work week. Plus while I appreciate the invite, it’s always at his house (40 min drive each way) and it’s always short notice and always when he’s free. But the point is, things are happening which is good.
It’s been a pretty good week in my book, this calm openness is a nice development.
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I forgot to mention, my sex drive is gone and I love it.
I even looked up a former heffner playmate out of pure curiosity relating to a YouTube video talking about females hitting the wall yet demanding respect after selling themselves in youth and well I see a pic of her spread eagle and my only thought was “that’s a shame” and I felt a slight, slight of feeling arousal for a second but it died and I just moved on.
Even when I’m out and see females, it’s really dumbed down from a sex appeal standpoint. It’s just flat out lack of appeal or interest and I haven’t pmo’d at all.
I honestly feel free. If I never felt sexuality again, It wouldn’t bother me. The female body is the bait that hides the hook, and the sex drive keeps you a slave.
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Monday, 5:30 am
1 loop of Glm - 15 mins and 1 loop of Limit Destroyer - 15 mins.
I will be running Limit Destroyer with each sub for the next 2 weeks for this cycle.
Last night at work was pretty good. Calm, positive mindset. Truly unperturbed. Emotionally level headed. I feel comfortable in my own skin.
Tonight will be the test as the miserable, grumpy guy on my shifts comes off vacation tonight. I’m curious how he will affect the mood of our shift, if I’ll remain “stoic” and positive. He’s a big reason why I want to make a custom with a lot of modules like Iron Frame, Ebon Maneuver, Lion 4 ect.
I woke up early yesterday, so this early rising/needing less sleep could be a positive result, does legacy perk up the body so you don’t sleep as much? Or have I just been depressed for 30 years and Neurofeedback therapy is changing my brain…probably both 
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Curious about LD, and looking forward.
Did LotS cause you to have more energy(not in a stimulating way) and you sleep less/need less sleep?
Trying to narrow down why I suddenly sleep less, get up earlier and have longer lasting energy
Funny you have mentioned that. I actually had this issue for the last two weeks. I thought it was somehow related to Pure Adrenal 400 as you know I am taking or from Fo-ti, but as you are saying it could be LOS.
Actually, I was sleeping before 7-6 hours and now it is more 6-5 and many times under 6 hours.
Just yesterday according to my Oura ring I slept only at 5:42. Despite that I was able to do my almost 2 hours workout and in the end, I had still the energy to do something more but had to force myself to stop.
And at night when I am going usually to sleep, I was not even that tired I could stay awake longer but went to sleep anyways.
I had to ask Saint on the LOS thread what is happening.