Geoff’s Journal - Glm + LotS + LD

Journals - Major Programs
#204

After my interview yesterday I went shopping and bought some junk. 1100 calories in junk. Pmo also manifested. I’m beginning to realize how strong or intrusive drld is for me. I must have a lot of work needed if it’s causing such profound resistance in me. Reconciliation, maybe over exposed, either way it’s too much. I’m regressing in behavior and not getting what I want.

Thursday is supposed to be my last listening day of this 3rd cycle but I think the better play is to call it a washout today. This gives me 6 days in total which I believe would be the best.

Higher loop times, drld and losing my job combined seemed to have killed off all the progress I made in the first 2 cycles. Going forward I need more drive, discipline, determination and optimism while getting and starting a new job. Right now I just feel flat, uninspired and numb/apathetic.

I just tried push ups after 1 week off healing my back strain. 15 max, I’m not sure why I’m not improving that much. You’d think LotS would be working on me but progress has been less than amazing. I’ve started counting calories, lowering carbs and exercising and things have just stalled since dropping 10lbs. Mt reps haven’t changed much, it’s mostly bodyweight so I can’t comment on weight ranges. My body always feel tense, sore or overworked in one way or another which doesn’t help with growth. I’m really unsure of what to do about it. Trying to maintain consistency which seems to have abated with the addition of drld. It’s definitely too much healing and is interfering with my original goals.

Honestly I’m not sure what to run next cycle now.

Goals,

Physical shape/improvement which will help my self esteem/self image.

Intelligence/presence, focus - I feel dumb/numb and scatter brained most days. Neurofeedback is working on it but I definitely struggle feeling “smart”

Masculinity development, Boundary development, standing up for self. Handling social interaction/cultivation of respect.

…

I feel checked out and detached. What’s to be excited about. Too much apathy, not enough optimistic drive.

Yea…Washout

2 Likes
#205

Two interviews so far, neither that great. My mood and attitude has been poor all week. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was tied to my job. I realize being on nights as well made it easier to justify/cope with not having a fulfilling life.

It’s easy to feel like a loser at 11am but at 2am not as much because it’s middle of night. A lot of realizations this week. Struggling what job searching, do I want to continue in my same field, should I go back to picking up the automation degree I had started in 2021. It’s all so overwhelming. I’m full of frustrated energy. Weekends are difficult as no progress is being made.

Besides the above, motivation to exercise is sporadic. Counting calories and balancing carbs more has me at 139lbs now.

I decided to make a custom for after washout. I put ascension, glm and lots all together along with Modules that will help me get through this time and benefit me overall. No store titles could address it all. Tues will be 5 days so hopefully I receive/start by then. Standard custom as well. I couldn’t afford it but what the hell, if it helps me then it was worth it.

Jumping through unemployment hoops. Found out my child support is the same amount as when I was working and so together I’m in a decifit on unemployment…I’m not even surprised anymore.

Friday I had an interview and I ended up buying sanguine to help my mood. Ran 7 mins of it w/Paragon custom due to unexpected condition manifesting. I handled the interview averagely…I used to be so much better but ever since starting drld, my mood/attitude has been dark and I’ve regressed. Anyways, sanguine wasn’t as effective as the sales page and threads depicted, not for me at least. It was an impulsive loop so what can ya expect.

My self worth, confidence, sense of pride and masculinity have all taken a hit. If you don’t have much of a life to start and you lose a job, it can be unnecessarily rough and I see that. Lesson learned. Though I’m not sure how to remedy the situation going forward, it’s not easy to just suddenly create a fulfilling life.

#206

Sounds wise. What is the entire build and what are you wanting it to do?

#207

Ascension/Glm custom

Cores:

  1. Ascension
  2. GLM
  3. Legacy of the Spartan

Modules:

  1. Yggdrasil
  2. Stronger
  3. Virtue Series: Temperance
  4. Manipulus
  5. Courage Reclaimed
  6. The Boundary
  7. Tyrant
  8. Call of Honor
  9. Eye of the Storm
  10. Iron Frame
  11. Inner Voice
  12. Victory’s Call
  13. Extreme Exercise Motivation
  14. Lion IV
  15. Job Seeker
  16. Energetic Development XI
  17. Khronos Key

This is going to help me “man up”, mature more. It’s going address avoidant behavior, poor/nonexistent boundaries which is huge for me as a fearful avoidant attachment style. Empower my discipline/self control. Build healthy habits while escaping bad ones. Increase exercise but also make it consistent. Help with finding a good job not just another job. I’ve hid from life for the last 8 years. Control instant gratification, build moderation in all things in my life. Experience manifestations, learn more about bringing my desires into reality. Avoid manipulation and cultivate a sense of pride in myself. Self esteem, confidence and optimism are real struggles for me. Ive been in victim mindset and depressed and its hard as hell moving out of it the past two weeks. This custom should really help.

Energetic Development XI and khronos Key were both out of curiosity.

Would you recommend I close this journal and start a custom journal when it arrives? Or would you suggest I stay with this journal? I ask you as a forum moderator.

1 Like
#208

Tonight I was able to do 17 push ups as max. Good improvement from 12 a few weeks ago.

Got a set of parallel bars and getting a solid 10 dips with strict form in. I remember when I couldn’t do 3.

I have noticed that my face is becoming more attractive to me anyways and I do get extra looks when out.

My facial hair hasn’t really filled in where I’d like but the growth rate has increased a little bit. My two week growth looks more like 3 weeks lately.

I seem to staying put at 140lbs but even with normal eating, I’m not fluctuating more than a pound. So not losing or gaining.

LotS is slowly, surely working on me. Just wish I was cutting faster. I’m on 1300 calories a day right now, most days I end up at 1100.

1 Like
#209

I was at grocery store tonight and walking down the store to an aisle there was this mother and her daughter, the girl was maybe 5 or 6. She said aloud as I was walking…“look, there is a small man” and as I walked by them, the mother said sorry and I said no worries.

It didn’t really hit me until a min later. I mean you can’t fault a child as they are the most objective and honest humans. But I wonder why the mother apologized, assuming that I thought that being recognized as “small” was offensive to me.

I don’t know if this situation would have bothered me before running Glm but realizing I had no emotional impact as it happened and only understanding it fully after the fact, I can say it was an non issue.

I do wonder if this is the impression others get when seeing me but it’s nothing I have control over anyway. Judgement is and odd thing. :confused:

1 Like
#210

Sandy (noodz girl) kept on for a while about short I am.

“Does it ever bother you being so short?”

Variants on that question.

The last one was “are you ever ashamed about being short?”

So finally I said “It seems to bother YOU more than it’s ever bothered me. Wonder why THAT is?”

Then, to drive the point home I said “Shame is for stuff you have control over but don’t do anything about. Fat people weren’t born fat. I was born with short genes. I can’t just eat different and get taller. So no I’m not ashamed. Fat people CAN change their fatness in most cases.”

I felt bad later. Briefly.

2 Likes
#211

I wonder why she did that, it obviously sounds like a shit test but was she trying to dig out non existent insecurity? Lol

I was happy how stoic I was during that encounter last night. It’s true what you said, why feel less than about something one has no control over.

1 Like
#212

What about Code of Loyalty?

New one when your custom arrives.

#213

I had it in custom but replaced it with job Seeker due to job loss.

Could you please close this journal now.

Thanks @RVconsultant

#214