Sometimes I enter the Twitter to see some cool pictures on timeline. But I see sick people despite that i blocked the accounts and click the ignore button. Sick people.
I didn’t do sprint workout, the treadmill has speed limit and also the gym owner told me that sometimes they give errors and it’s not always safe.
I thought to running at pitch but time was not good for this. Next time I have to go there like 11am. If it’s not cold I would run at night time. But I have to do cardio.
like life loses electrical magical side for me for years. i dont remeber the last time that i got satisfaction of doing something. i want to have fulfillment of doing sometihng, i want purpose. ihave to independent form my family, i want to be, i need it. im sabotaging myself, i feel guilty because of my failures i havent go to universtiy yet i dont work at anywhere too, i have to study my lessons but im not doing this too. this adds more frustrations.
i dont want to think anything, i want whatever god wants for me, if he is the creator, source it means that he knows everything better than me. but actually i cant trust this thoughts %100 percent. I can’t get myself into this. i dont know what is right for me.
i have to be in flow with the universe
the system of the world, the order of the education its not right. and I’m getting crushed in between.
im surronded expectation by others. i dont want to join this society, to the order of the world. but i cant stay at my parents home forever. i dont want it tooi
like this system trapping people from a younage, impose their ideas to the young people. they want to mould you according to their ideas. you live through this. its like cycle, a trap, that prevents you from happiness fulfillment. i dont know really what is true evulation but im pretty sure its not in this gross materalistic world. go to school get a qualifications in order work at a fucking job like slave. while doing what are you doing for your mind and spirit, from the moment we are born into this world we are shaped by society, parents. this is not my true mission
What I want from khan black is sexual energy circulation I don’t want my energy get stucked. But this what mostly happens. I’m running st1 like for 6 cycles I don’t count anymore. I ejaculate frequently this times but without porn, but i can’t get hard quickly compared to times that i use erotix material and today to get election i used erotic materials too.
i think sexual energy can lead you to greater things but also i can lead to destruction of you if you can’t use properly. And I’m not in the first path now.
i heard that khan black will get update. So many request is if you add emotional control script to khan black it can prevent compulsive matusbartion etc. Because i remember that phoenix + kB was smooth, lack of emotional control leads to frustrations and most of time it leads to unnecessary ejaculations etc
Before reading the book i asked my self why I’m going to read this book? To change my life, to get better.
When i think now, this some problematic. Because you need a thing to feel better outside of you. it means you lack of something and according to principle " like attract like" this will attract more lack.
You are becoming slave instead things chasing you, you run after things.
This can seen with subs. When you need certain sub to do X things. You are not gonna see exceptional results, maybe no results at all. But when you run them out of curiosity probably you will see more results than former situation.
Im reading book that before i read some parts. My mistake was i tried to finish book asap. i thought that to get better and change myself i need to finish this asap. it was mistake.
First, unapplied knowledge is no knowledge at all. So I will more slow. To contemplate I shouldn’t be in rush. Relax
“Find some wellbeing independent of outside things”
What is your listening schedule for the next 7 days?
Limitless & Legacy of the Spartan
Rest
Khan Black St1 & Sanguine…
Goes like this.
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I’m not dead, but I’m not alive either.
Life is unfair.
Wanting creates more sufferings.
i carry some hopes then they hit the walls
just imagine how great you’ll feel when you burst through all the obstacles
For the 1-2 days i was heavily reading watching and listening about Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, because of this i felt my self better. Gave me some inspires, i had zero social media time etc beacuse all of outside things were dull to me
Things that come and go but a new decision i take is decreasing phone screen time, like it was 20 min until now. mostly I used my laptop but i was focused to things i watched and read.
And the one of the things that effects me badly is political situation of the country, it’s give me some stress so to speak, maybe I’ll write about it later. The only thing I can do is praying
Like I’m reading things to improve myself etc trying trying consciously, consciously i say I want health, wealth, success, running subs etc but when i look to my life myself I’m pretty same. I think that I’m different from than my family relatives, I think I’m more smart but still im at home, unsuccessfully.
it is because subconscious mind, because probably it’s still the same, i am still the same. People say %95 of behaviours come from subconscious i don’t know the rate, i didn’t measure and i don’t know how people measure it too but probably true, and most of this programs come from childhood, ages of 0-7. That brain mostly in lower vibrations(theta).
Yesterday when i was thinking about this, a thing came to my mind that saianblue was talking about his friend that this guy was successful,lucky naturally because he came from a good rich family etc and he was mentioning that he was like opposite this that he achieved everything through hardships etc I don’t remember clearly.
So lots our behaviours come from childhood, even we are unaware of them. Actually this why i was very excited when I found subclub, because there was a tool that effect subconscious mind directly and i thought it could be solutions to my problems. First it’s not magic pill i understood this, and actually I’m little disappointed because of this. Maybe it’s improving my life little by little but i can’t see any significance change actually.
What tools we have change to subconscious programs?
Hypnosis, i don’t know if it’s same category with subliminals.
And repetition, like learning how to drive.
And probably sudden changes, dramatic changes.
What can I use? subliminals and repetitive affirmations, i guess.
What areas in my life is lacking?
Probably except health, all of them. ( My health is not perfect but okay).
But the one has more emergency is about my future, academy thing, exam. There should be reason why I’m failing repetitively, i say i want to achieve it(i actually lost my interest toward it), but probably there is subconscious belief that holding me achieve it, probably fears that I’m unaware it , otherwise I would have achieved, and i don’t love myself. Recipe to failure …
And today there was a thought that really spoiled my peace, and I’m still not quite over it. Probably I won’t be able to this, i mean I’ll forget for a time and then it will come again, it’s an illusion, illusions that arise from my insecurities.
Back from gym there was some unpositive things and there were good things too,
Like I executed deadlift properly that was good.
The first time i tried to do it, i got frustrated because the bar was empty and it was so low that i had to bend too much, but i add something to increase height and problem solved. But i think it’s still more complicated than the other exercises in gym.
And i did seated cable fly pain free, and it’s so good, better than pec deck fly, it gives you more tension.
And the negative thing is, i can see that my strength decreased at chin ups, like when i first tried i was doing 3-4 reps with 7.5, 5 kgs now im doing 3-4 reps with bodyweight. i don’t know why, this happened
I think one of the issue with my gym progress is I’m doing an are only twice a month. Like first week I’m doing chest &back, legs. Other week arms&delts legs again and goes on…
i think it hinders my progress. i will do some experiments, at leg day i will do chin ups and dips
