Holding semen etc it doesn’t feel good to me, but ejaculating to p.rn is not good either, I should it without p.rn, of course love making with a loved one would be best but I don’t have it rn
Rn things don’t go the way I want, how will it change?
We will see, but I need to make some plans especially for changing myself internally
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I’m inclined to agree with RV. It sounds like you’d benefit from running Regeneration solo for a cycle.
for a weeks ago i was complaining about the situation of the country, though i dont like the talk about this topics sometimes things become the point almost its unbearable and make people insane.
yeah this country fucking chaotic things never ever fucking end and settle, lastly they released 50.000 criminals from jail, its fucking insane they literally punish civil people, this country paradise for criminals, The members of Parliament who allowed this should be hanged.
Why would you do such a thing? Why? things will change e*dogan will fall and no mercy should be shown to these traitors.
this criminals will commit crimes again, they will steal, cheat, assault, kill and government reward them, they are making country more chaotic. I don’t even want e*dogan to be judged by the courts anymore, I just want him to die, because if he loses the election, he won’t just walk away, he won’t leave his seat, he will start a civil war.
yeah i need to be more careful rn but i thought what would i be if i had gf how would i protect her in this situation there will be more criminals around and they know even if they get arrested they may release again, what would i do if i have loved ones? maybe i would secure a bit if i had right to carry gun but in here its impossible to do if you are a normal citizen you can have-even this is very hard- but you cannot carry. idk
and i have lots of things to do other than thinking this
well i wrote this yesterday, and when i wake up i made the mistake to look twitter, and I saw Turkish polices clashing with terrorists(isis) for asix hours, and this happened in a city close to Istanbul. They were most likely going to carry out an attack in Istanbul on New Year’s Eve.
i dont know what to say but it disturbed i stayed at dorm today because i thought i can study here but after news… no but i have to study life is going on but i dont want to do anyfucking thing
and after that i watched p.rn im really stupid
today was my listening day but im not gonna run anything and i will drop pn and instead i might run paragon or limitless
She sits in front of me I’m thinking her too much when I don’t see her.
I have exams coming, if I take less than 60 I need to take exams again so it will cost time, I’m considering running Limitless but also weather is cold I might get sick so I’m thinking maybe I should run paragon.
I started watching house md again
I want be calm and positive, carefree, maybe I’m not nervous but also I’m not positive etc sometimes I get little obsessive.
When it comes to this girl I need to be more honest and clear to myself, if she’s like as the way I want, obviously I would want her, because I don’t know her exactly I’m a bit unsure, right not what is the important thing?
I don’t know whether she had relationship or not. Because I’m a still romantic and idealistic I prefer that she had no relationship, like me.
if I know she had relationships probably I would have lost some interest toward her.
if she is virgin like I would want her more. I don’t want to lose my v card to some chick I dont love I don’t care and if she’s a girl who I care then I would want her to be like me.
But I think too much even if she’s the girl I really want, she is ambitious and has goals though we are freshmen, she wants to be scholar, and want to do this at abroad and I don’t have such a goals so we could separate
Again I think too much next year there will be attendances for Erasmus if we are together I wouldn’t want be apart from her of course we might go to same place but also it can be the opposite and this would be very bad for me.
But I think too much for a girl who is not mine yet.
But that’s I always think too much about probabilities life in general.
What I’m gonna do with her?
I just talked a bit with her when I talk with her I dont feel anything, No intense emotions no electricity but when I don’t see her I create imaginary scenes in my mind.
I said if I could know whether she had relationship(sexual) or not, my behaviour would be different but how can I know, we don’t have that much conversation and I can’t ask, did you have sex?
But what if she says she had boyfriend? Even then I can’t know she had sex or not.
I’m pathetic, I should be detached from her. I should find someone new, lol we were talking about lessons and I was mentioning about notes etc she sensed that I was going to ask for some notes and immediately she said nobody gives notes, lol she rejected me by not rejecting.
Like I said I should find someone new but it’s not easy for me rn.
What would I want for a gf, I would want her to be:
Smart
Beautiful
Elegant
Modest
Warm
Confident
Virgin.
I listed 7 criteria, and she ticks 5-6, I’m not sure for the last one. So it makes it harder for me, but also from today’s conversation I can say that she has no feelings for me right now.
Whether I have her or not I want to be better, more confident, nonchalant care free and detached I don’t want to need anyone. But Im not in abundance I have never been with anyone before.
But let’s say she had someone before would it prevent me to be with her? it doesn’t need to be long term but I fear that I might break her heart in this situation and we are in the same classroom so we will see eachother usually, why do I want to be her virgin? I think because we would be more special to eachother. But even if I’m not virgin probably I would want a virgin girl for serious relationship, but why?*
is it an ancient, primal tendency, and also I don’t think it comes from society because societal narratives has changed they encourage people to do opposite. Maybe it might be because STDs, and sometime before I read some writings about microchimerism and telegony. idk but if I had a girlfriend i wouldn’t be pleased of the facts that some guy had her it’s not a pleasant thing. But what should I do, should I elaminate a girl from gf/wife material just for this? Some people might say it’s okay to her had sex before you but, are they pleasant from this fact completely, as I said before if I need to be honest no I wouldn’t be happy from this fact, and I couldn’t ignore it it would in some corner of my mind
i need to make some changes with my diet, there’s a problem and should find which food cause problems
Things are so fucking messy, I have exams and there are lots of lessons I haven’t studied properly, my throat is in little pain, actually I was studying good recently but my focus distracted to fashion etc maybe it’s from wdb but I got more attentive about my dressing and it’s not a good time I went to shopping today bought some pieces coat and sweatshirt, but I already have something similar to this sweatshirt and I need to change and it will cost me time, and I’m still undecided what should I buy I want a buy a clothe but I cannot find something fits my taste I have similar clothes
i studied very good today still I can study but it’s getting late I have to eat and do some laundry but today was good for my lessons,
My productivity was good I listened 1.20min WDB and 25sec limitless, also I started take l theanin after my coffee and took some magnesium but my magnesium stock is running out
I’m not good I have no energy and probably I will fail at this exam for a few days ago I ejaculated because I didn’t ejaculate for a while n my thoughts started to become more sexual and I got heavy so I decided to ejaculate but i think it was not a good idea, I ejaculated and I did this also for other days, and also today I feel sleepy
I don’t know what to do this fking sexual energy. it’s like two edged razor blade
After the ejaculations my momentum is distrupted most highly i will fail at the tomorrows final and i have to take tis exam 1-2 weeks later also at the math exam i gave blank page didnt do anything and after 2-3 days math exam i will take business exam, I shouldn’t be in this situation, I tried to prevent it, but here I am again.
in general life is not good for me rn. Why i dont have a gf, why i always struggling, it’s as if deep inside me im addicted to struggling suffering
I feel like something squeezes my heart, like it’s collapsing, how can I study properly when I’m in this situation, I went to the library in this cold rainy day and I’m not doing anything.
i want a someone who is special for me, but I don’t have anyone and I’m not social, and if I wait to have sex for someone special probably I will wait for eternity.
I’m young, trying to do my best, going gym, groomed, have decent hygiene etc not ugly, but I have zero interaction with women, I’m not getting laid, no intimacy I don’t want to wait for 5 years for finding someone
i hate being human I wish I was asexual
Bro if shit feels really bad all the time, there might be some chemical/hormonal disbalance in Ur mind. It would do good if U get checked out just to eliminate the possibility.
Best wishes.