Today after a new loop, I was seating in my secret garden. There was a movie screen. And projected on this screen were elements of grief. From bright colors full of emotions I transformed them in black and white with total detachment, then they became ashes and disappeared. I feel free !!
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This. You won’t even believe me when I say this when a betrayal trauma from a relationship affected not only my romantic side but also significantly my education and career side of things. Often manifested as confidence and self worth/esteem issues, lack of trust etc. that caused me to be fearful of things.
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I’m feeling things I don’t normally (or easily) feel. I’m in a conundrum. Because for me, I’m in a new spot in healing. I’m asking for some imput.
I started my 2nd cycle of running my Phoenix/LB custom Monday of this week. It hit quick, where I considered starting doing 2 rest days since it’s pushing harder now. It must have finally kicked through some barriers. And that’s very positive since being “stuck”, a conscious survival choice, has been a default of mine for years.
And between a mix of Furious Ascent’s influence of “why not?” and Phoenix showing old painful beliefs during my workday (lots of tears), I did a 3 minute loop of Regeneration 2 nights ago, instead of Phoenix.
Tonight is my listening night for Phoenix. My “problem” is that I’m still feeling effects of Regeneration.
My conflict is that Regeneration is still allowing good, healthy, and desired beliefs and feelings to surface. Not fear driven stuff. I’ve been looping in that belief that “If I feel bad or uncomfortable during healing, then it’s GOOD. This is how healing works”
And writing that brings up tears while writing. Regeneration is allowing me to feel like I’m a kid, that this is good, that I’m SAFE, and that everything is going to be ok. I’m allowed and even encouraged to heal. To feel. To just…BE.
And I feel foolish, knowing “MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE HEALING”–isn’t meeting every need of mine. That poor reasoning is why I’ve been making customs bringing in LB and relational needs and wants. I’ve been hiding in the healing world a number of years.
I’ve just wanted to feel ok…with myself. I’ve rarely, rarely felt that. Like knowing I was safe making my own choices. Not being owned by fear.
Yes. I’m in conflict. Usually I’m seeking other’s validation to make my choices. Embarrassing admission for a man who’s 50+.
And Regeneration is relaxing my emotions. It’s allowing me to breathe emotionally. And also…I’m feeling (and still allowing) pangs of guilt and FEAR, born of rehashed thinking in some healing communities, on and offline.
I think I know what I’m gonna do tonight. Am I wrong for wanting the freedom and relaxation of Regeneration? Feeling “unstuck” is a beautiful thing.
(It took almost an hour to write this. My 2nd alarm just went off. Thanks for reading)
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I just reread this. The sideways cultural belief that living in internal stress non-stop is “good for you” has been experienced, definitely. That encouraged me to hide way back in my 20’s. I remember visiting a seminary and possibly being a priest. I was fortunate since I talked with an old deacon during a visit, and he probed my thinking. I just saw the church as safe, and I was seeking a hideout. He didn’t force me to see it. I just felt safe enough to admit the truth.
Feeling “safe” is underrated.
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I’d go all in on Regen, especially if the thought of healing meant being on an exhausting treadmill for all of your life. That “inner chill” effect, when stressed is some kind of miracle.
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The way I see it is you have to practice and become comfortable with relaxation and peace. Those of us who have lived amped up or in pain, that’s our comfort zone. It’s natural when you seek to move out of that your mind throws all these questions and doubts if that’s the right decision. That’s the defense mechanism to keep you in what’s known. As odd as it sounds sometimes it takes courage to step into the unknown of that constant feeling of things being ok.
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I promise this sub will radically change your life for the better. Two loops and I already feel different
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How? How?
I love the invisible barrier between myself and my more intense emotions.
I still feel them, but its like I was given magical armor to withstand them easier.
The sub almost feels like a refreshing dip into cool water and PN with it feels like a hot spring.
Favorite sub so far. Complete gamechanger. Which is saying something because PN and EE were life changing.
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I have not done my second loop yet for today but wanted to give a second update to loop one:
The pain in my neck is still gone.
I usually do not remember my dreams but last night’s dreams were memorable and rich. Slept through my alarm again this morning despite going to bed early.
The knots in my upper back are becoming noticeable because the rest of my muscles are so relaxed. It’s almost like my body feels like it’s thawing out (or coming online). It feels good but odd. Like the knots in my back don’t have a job to do anymore.
I feel softer inside emotionally. More kind and compassionate in general inside. It’s subtle but there.
It’s almost like Regen is the key to unlock all the work that my Paragon custom has been working on for months maybe, or it’s exactly what I needed right now.
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This sub is completely unlocking, or rather, helping me to unlock, all the self love I’ve been pursuing my whole life
All those runs of Love Bomb, of RoS, of Wanted and Wanted Black, and all the other subs that have helped me evolve
And my own efforts of reading, of reflecting, of delving deep within
They’ve culminated in beautiful moments of self acceptance in these last 2-3 days
Eternal gratitude to the producers here @SaintSovereign @Fire for creating something so concrete yet intangible in its usefulness
I hope one day I’ll have the words to fully express what this all means to me
Regen be hittin y’all
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This is exactly how I feel as well
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Yes dreams last 2 nights have been clearer than usual and meaningful in the sense that very familiar unconscious material is being addressed and resolved in an empowering way, a little similar to my experience with RoD.
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I can agree to that! Last night I had quite a profound and emotional experience of self acceptance and self love. It took me like 45 minutes to process and integrate.
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The reviews on this product are totally mind-blowing so far like wow!
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I had one of these last night. Still trying to process it.
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Me too actually… last night was the more obvious, in your face, part of the process. Today is more of an undercurrent working in the background, but still noticeable.
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Can you guys go a bit more in detail on this, what is it like if possible?
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Yes I can, but not now… I need time for things to develop, settle down a bit and for me to understand them a little more, otherwise I think it would come out as some sort of confusing ramblings.
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Why everyone seems so confused nowadays haha but yeah I totally understand, take your time!
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