Foundation - Emperor, Wanted, Daredevil - A Boundary Pushing Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#222

The Aesthete - One Loop Review

Here are all the same day effects that I noticed from running One loop of my new custom The Aesthete.

Whole body tingling while running. Ran it with eyes closed and had rather vivid visions while running it. Profound calm for the first hour after running it. A message came through while running “you don’t have to do anything, Urdtree”

Major results. I went out with friends last night and I got many looks, however, I felt very, very ugly which is not typical for me, I’m pretty confident. Everytime I would see my reflection, I marveled at how ugly I was. Toward the end of the night, I had to talk myself down. “Urd, buddy, if you were as ugly as you think you are right now, why would you get so much positive attention and so many compliments?” At that point I realized feeling ugly was a result. Given that The Aesthete’s goal is to maximize my physical beauty, it makes sense that I would feel ugly. My SC seems to be looking for areas to improve my looks, raising my standards for myself. If I want to reach physical perfection, how can I do it without a drive to change.

It’s like how over the last year on Wanted, my standards for women have increased, and I now am no longer phased by beauty. I think it’s the same type of process, but directed inward toward myself and my self standards.

Also noticed Ethereal Presence working on animals. I was around two dogs last night, and I noticed that on Ethereal Presence, dogs are obsessed with me. They will not leave me alone. Works with cats too, but the dog result is more telling because I’m not a dog person.

Nothing else major to report at this time. From my single loop, I can sense that this custom is a winner, but only time will tell.

Let the experiment continue.

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#223

Now what? My listening schedule is a little bit wonky…

Stark + RoM
Rest
Wanted
Rest
Stark + The Aesthete
Rest (today)
???..???
I guess as of tomorrow, it’ll be 5 days since running RoM…I guess the point of this cycle is to experiment. Tomorrow I’ll run RoM + The Aesthete just to see what it feels like, and make my decision that way. Last cycle, running RoM and Wanted on the same day really seemed to work well for me, so I might as well attempt to follow the same pattern just for the sake of it.

I’m going to play with this until the end of the month, take a washout, then start my new journal. I should get all the data I need by then.

#224

RoM + The Aesthete

I think I know what I’m going to do:

Stark 19th
RoM + The Aesthete 21st
Stark 23rd
RoM + The Aesthete 25th

Rest for the rest of the month with a new journal starting June 1st.

#225

The Latest Insight from RoM

Don’t EVER tell me who or what you are again. Don’t EVER define yourself to me. Focus on what you want and nothing else, who and what you are will be obvious to everyone.

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#226

Stark

Am I about to rotate my whole stack to run Genisis?..damn, it’s perfect, it’s everything I’ve been asking for, just look at the title of this journal.

Oh well. I’d better finish this cycle first. This stack is still paying huge dividends.

#227

Stark + Genesis

Let me guess, it was Genesis, the title I just bought and ran a loop of just now.

Let this experiment continue. I will now be testing Genesis for the rest of this cycle. I will take 4-5 after today because thus far this cycle has been:

1: Stark + RoM
2: Rest
3: Stark + Wanted
4: Rest
5: Stark + The Aesthete
6: Rest
7: RoM + The Aesthete
8: Rest
9: Stark + Genesis

I felt tingling in my body running Genesis (rare for me) and now I feel a bit of head pressure (minutes after running Genesis). It’s possible that it’s mild over exposure given the above. We shall see.

As always, I take responsibility for breaking the guidelines, but I’m looking forward to this experiment. In the interest of being a good role model for myself and others, let the mid cycle washout begin.

I’ll be pondering the effects of today over washout and will figure out my next steps.

Given that Genesis has the ability to maintain previous results while working it’s magic, if I do change my stack it will be:

Genesis, RoM, The Aesthete.

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#228

Ehh, not sure about Genesis.

#229

The Aesthete

Hmm. Genesis certainly did something and had some positive effects, and I’m glad I gave it that test loop. It might become part of my stack next cycle. For now I’m gonna just finish this cycle like normal with Stark and RoM on the next listening day.

I like the growth direction that I’m headed in.

Maybe next cycle I’ll swap Stark for Genesis, but no more Genesis for the rest of this cycle.

Genesis seemed to make me, perhaps TOO nice…BUT I also slipped that baby in mid cycle in an already over stuffed stack.

Oops!

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#230

Thoughts about Genesis in the middle of an already over full stack.

So, Genesis started quickly to initiate certain changes in me, which had the unintended consequence of altering slightly the perceptions that people had of me.

In a positive way, but in a different way than I’ve been perceived with the stack I’ve been running.

For this reason, I’m going to hold off on Genesis for a little bit and keep exploring this current developmental path. After another cycle or two with Stark, RoM and the Aesthete, I might drop one title and add in Genesis. I would probably take a break from RoM, as Genesis without Stark is a bit unpredictable and I’m relying on a somewhat consistent growth pattern in order to advance my life along the current path.

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#231

Maybe you can exchange Genesis instead for ROM rn.

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#232

Not a bad idea, and I’m thinking about it. But at least for the rest of this test cycle, I want a few more loops with RoM. The unfolding is really cool and I have much to see.

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#233

Stark + Genesis

Well, I ran Genesis again. Today I ran it masked with my phone speaker on an impulse in the parking lot of the gym.

Genesis…hmm, what exactly is it and what exactly is it doing to me? I don’t quite know. Here’s what I do know:

After my first loop, a coworker made a comment about how much I had changed. This was a ridiculous comment to make on a logical level: they were responding to my shift in energy from Genesis.

I meditated two serious work conflicts successfully.

Got a “thank you” from the owner of my company for mediating said conflicts.

Had some of the most ridiculous sex I’ve had in my life. Literally lasted until I got bored and wanted it to stop (around an hour, maybe more?).

And that’s about it so far.

Genesis…well, all I needed to know was that it wasn’t going to alter the direction I’m headed down. It’s not going to alter the direction, therefore, I’m running Genesis now. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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#234

Rest - Ran The Aesthete yesterday 5-25-2023

I’m still unsure about Genesis. It just feels different and I’m not sure how it feels different or what it’s doing differently. So maybe I should sit here and try to work it out. I have naturally taken a step back from journaling in weeks past, so now seems like a good time to start that back up again.

After the first loop of Genesis, I noticed that my interactions with the people around me had shifted slightly in ways that I wasn’t able to fully understand or articulate off the cuff. After that first loop, I took two business-related “risks” that involved dealing with some rather serious interpersonal conflicts on the job. It wasn’t my job to deal with these conflicts, but I took it upon myself to correct the problem. With a little bit of confrontation (something that I’m still not accustomed too) and some pointed words to the right people (a more relaxed and Socratic method of resolution) the conflicts have been resolved without any major upheavals or drama. The result of me resolving these conflicts seems to be that I’ve earned more trust and respect within the company–not my goal when I took it upon myself, but something that I’m happy with.

My interactions with people have “softened” a bit. This is the “problem” that I believe I’m sensing. I’ve grown accustomed to a more Wantedish way of dealing with people, where people are drawn to me but too scared to approach me. That’s something that I’ve spent a year learning to deal with and harness, now I seem to be more approachable, which isn’t something I’m particularly accustomed too.

The second “problem” that I’ve sensed is that my interactions with a SP have shifted from an overtly Wantedish dynamic to something else entirely. At first, she was really trying to prove herself to me. It was intense, and fun. Now it’s a bit softer, which makes me a little nervous. I guess I really have nothing to be nervous about, there are many women out there, and if I can’t make it work with this one who cares? But it would be a shame to lose one just because I added a new sub and the energy of that sub caused someone interesting to lose interest.

Ahh, there it is. That’s the real “problem” that I have with Genesis, it’s just this girl, that’s all it is. Well, I will make it work with her or I won’t, but I’m not going to throw Genesis in the trash just because of one girl that I don’t even know.

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#235

Ran Stark and Genesis yesterday, 5-27-23

Alright, been doing more thinking and experiencing and I’m not ready to drop RoM. So, tomorrow I’m going to run RoM and The Aesthete, then on the 31st, I’ll probably run Genesis alone then start my washout for a week.

After reflecting on the changes that have come about since running RoM, I feel it would be irresponsible to drop RoM and would be doing a disservice to my journey. RoM has unlocked greater and greater potential in all areas on life. Dropping the Aesthete would also be a great disservice to my journey, because I’m finally in a position to take full advantage of physical shifting. Stark is brilliant and is what I will ultimately return to, but I might as well give Genesis a shot since on paper, it has much of what I want as the broad foundation that I’ve been trying to build for so long.

For the next stack, it looks like I’ll be running Genesis, The Aesthete, and RoM and dropping Stark temporarily. RoM is too powerful and too good for me to drop it. Given the choice between RoM and Stark, RoM is the winner. I mean, I haven’t had a panic attack in 6 weeks thanks to RoM. That’s MASSIVE.

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#236

Ran The Aesthete and ROM yesterday, 5-29-2023

Was an amazing day. Kinda validated my thoughts about all this stuff. Rom kicked right back into action (it hadn’t left of course, but it was being overshadowed by everything else).

New stack

RoM
The Aesthete
Genesis
Stark.

Lol.

#237

Washout Day 2 of 7

I woke up with a dream about running Khan. I don’t remember anything but that I had run Khan and it was worthwhile. The mere thought terrifies me, but it could be done, it could be done. Perhaps…perhaps. when I left Khan last time, something inside me told me that it wasn’t the end. Maybe soon I will be ready for it. Maybe. For the next several months, it’s just not on my list.

That brings me to Genesis. Genesis seemed to trigger the dream about Khan, which makes sense with its scripting for finding your path and what have you.

Feeling pretty good. Got some recon yesterday, as to be expected from what I did last cycle. Today I woke up a little on the fence about Genesis: it’s working, I’m just not sure I like all of it yet. People are really starting to get closer to me, that’s a great thing, but it’s just a different dynamic than I’m used to–which makes me nervous.

After a pretty long conversation with myself this morning, I think I need to give Genesis a fair shake in a stack with only 3 titles, not 4, lol.

Now really is the time for a project like running Genesis and working on things that have been neglected up to this point. I’m in an ideal spot to do it, so let it be done.

Perhaps after Genesis I will run Khan…perhaps.

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#238

Washout Day 4 of 7

Recon peaked yesterday, which falls in line with what I’ve come to expect from my experiments. Recon peaks between days 2 - 4 of the washout, and sometimes peaks again around day 6 or 7 of a longer washout. Recon on ZpV2 hits WAY differently, could be the stack too, but it actually wasn’t obvious to me that I was in recon until this morning.

The recon mostly manifested in me thinking about the people in my life that I want to help. This is something that I’ve never talked about openly here, but it’s a big internal driver for me. There are many people in my life that don’t see the world the way I see it, so I feel a sense of duty to become the best possible man that I can be to show them what’s possible and inspire them to walk their own paths.

Effects of Genesis

Improved social relationships

This is the most prominent result that I’ve noticed. People in my life are far, far, far closer to me now. There doesn’t seem to be a limit to this either. Every single person who was in my life before Genesis as a friend, family member, acquaintance, business partner, or lover is now closer to me and more open with me about…pretty much everything. I have learned some very intimate details about many, many people around me since running Genesis for the last…week? I think it was just a week, right?

As I’ve hinted at in posts previously, I’m unsure about this dynamic and now I’m ready to say exactly why: I don’t want this new dynamic to harm my romantic life by turning me into boyfriend material or friendzone material. Because of this concern, I’ve been watching this dynamic unfold very, very carefully. In my life, prior to subs, I was a dude who usually had a long-term girlfriend and was in the solid friend zone with 99% of everybody else. This dynamic has turned upside down. Now I’m the person putting women in the friendzone and I’m single and happily single.

From what I can tell, this new social dynamic has completely blunted my edge. People aren’t scared or intimidated by me anymore. I’m a bit…well, I got used to being the intimidating one. I got used to being the topic of gossip. I got used to being the one that would cause a group to go silent when I appeared. Now…well, that’s transmuted into something else. I guess I just need to trust it for now.

Like I said, these changes are good they just aren’t what I’m used to.

To date, my success with women doesn’t appear to have been hurt. As always, I have many suitors in my life right now, and things seem to be moving forward in positive ways.

One thing that has also shifted in the romance realm is that I’m now a bit more upfront with women (for better or worse) than I used to be. I’ve told several that I’m not boyfriend material and that I won’t date them. So I guess Genesis is making me more honest…maybe it’s just giving me more integrity…OH! This is probably part of the Calculated Risk scripting! I’m risking losing the girl for the gain of clear boundaries that ultimately give me more freedom to navigate my romantic life.

Socially, Genesis is transforming my life (we can’t forget that it could be synergistic with Stark and my custom).

Other Genesis Effects

I’m getting fat. Not really, but fat for me. I have very high personal standards. Since running Genesis, my diet has gone to hell and I’ve started drinking again. This is…strange, but all I can do is trust the process. I just need to trust that I’m drinking and eating like shit for a positive purpose that I don’t understand yet.

It’s possible that Genesis is just showing me the demons that remain within me?

Prior to running Genesis, I had all but stopped drinking, and my diet was improving. I attribute this primarily to RoM. But now these patterns have returned…I’ve had experiences similar to this with subs. Stack A seems to solve a problem, but Stack B makes the problem return. I need to do some thinking on this…

Over all Reveiw of Genesis

I’ve only ran it for a week, but it works. I’m gonna give it another cycle, maybe several, to really test it and give it a fair amount of my time.

The changes that I’ve seen in a week with Genesis (some good, some weird, some that make me uneasy) are profound, make no mistake about it.

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#239

Washout Day 6 of 7

The recon has bled through the washout into parts of yesterday and this morning. So, I’m going to be proactive about it and make some things happen. Eat clean, workout, meditate.

I might extend the washout by a few days.

The theme of this morning has been feeling like I’m done chasing girls. I never thought I would say it, but today I feel…over it. Maybe I want something deeper now, someone to love, a partner. At the very least, my priorities have changed.

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#240

Genesis Test Cycle 2 - Day 1

Genesis + The Revelation of Mind

Went to the gym, had a protein shake, hung out with some friends for a few, meditated twice, now I’m gonna run some loops.

During my second meditation, my intuition told me just to start the cycle now. The recon isn’t going to go away anytime soon, and if I run some loops, it’ll actually alleviate the recon and refocus my mind into active processing mode.

So, this is test cycle number 2 for Genesis. RoM got a full test cycle, why not give Genesis one?

I’m going to keep waiting to start the new journal until I finish my testing of Genesis and RoM.

The new journal will probably be far different that anything I’ve done before on SubClub.

I’ve spent a year becoming a seducer, have I peaked my skills? Nope, but I’m ready to shift gears away from my single minded focus on women to something else. What?

Well, let’s just keep those cards close for now, I would hate to speak too soon and not deliver…again :rofl:

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#241

Genesis Test Cycle 2 - Day 3

The Aesthete

Woke up in a pretty foul mood. Genesis and RoM are making me question my life.

This is what I was concerned about, I was concerned about Genesis causing a direction shift as other titles have done for me numberous times. There’s a certain level of irritation when you’re finally happy, then suddenly you want more.

That’s just me though. It’s just me and it’s always been me. I don’t want to sit still, I want to climb latters…

So I suppose if I’m unsatisfied again, that’s a good thing. It means that there’s something new to do, some new challenge.

I gotta recommit to Journaling again, I need to work through my disease.

Onward.

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