Flake and Milk - StarkQ Journal


#1

Let’s hop on the bandwagon.
I am quite excited to try out Q myself, having read all the positive changes in the experimental EmperorQ journals. I believe StarkQ will produce results on the same level.

Tomorrow will count as day 1.


#2

Quite a fun story I was on my 2nd loop, and while I was coding one of my coding projects I had quite a blast internally, and I was singing those highpitched pop songs from quite a few years ago. I didn’t realize this until someone came to my room and asked what the fck am I doing.:joy::joy::joy:

Subs working great :muscle:


#3

Day 1:

I finally understand what you guys said about pressure in the head in the EmpQ journals, I didn’t feel something like this on Khan/QL/Emp4 so it’s quite interesting to experience it.

I have been waking up with a heavy head for many weeks now, mostly because I have my door closed in my room during the night so I can’ tell if the sub made it easier to wake up or not.

I finished one of my university projects yesterday and I intended to postpone it to today(that was before I started StarkQ) but in the end I did it yesterday.

I have accepted to make a class scheduling software for universities as my graduation work, sadly I don’t know what am I supposed to put in the project. I made a dummy database with randomized information which will be changed when the project works. I have been trying to figure out why I get an error when I try to connect the database with the program for around 3 hours now, I am out of google search answers.

My mood is better then usually, so that’s still good, tho the headache makes it a little less powerful, but it’s still good. I still find myself singing random songs.

I saw my parents holding a painting, I said “Don’t tell me you want to put that on a wall”. Then I found out my sister and mom said the same thing, but I didn’t hear it so he had already built up the anger, and I was the closest target.

His words were: “Well good that I am only good for you when someone has to shopping and to pay the bills, and then when I get old you will all leave without a care in the world”.

I felt bad about that but yeah that’s definitely the truth. I know that he didn’t consciously manipulate me, and that’s his basic reaction. Well good thing I am aware of it, so I can consciously protect myself from that negativity.

My interest in text editors has came back, I have been using vim for the last year, now I am looking up another one called emacs.
Vim keybinding can be integrated in it so my current knowledge wouldn’t go away. And I can use it as an all-in-one tool to:

  • browse the web
  • email
  • coding
  • writing documents
  • and many more stuff I haven’t read yet

Basically why I use text-editors is so that I don’t have to use the mouse. And to have a full-keyboard experience.

There’s a web extension for chrome/firefox/others called Vimium if you want to try it out, it’s a more vanilla experience compared to the real editor. It allows you to use your browser for most of the websites without the need to click.


#4

Day 2:

Well this day I didn’t set up a goal for the day so most of my day went by without me remembering what I did exactly.

I observed my family came to my room more times than usual. These are all times when I didn’t ask them I was doing my stuff and they usually barge in. This normally happens around 2-3 times a day. Now I am at 10 times and there are still 6 hours left till I sleep.

I got more easily pissed off and angered today.

I didn’t do anything productive yet today so I should do that too.

I wasn’t quite sociable today I just told everyone to shut up about anything nonsense, but the others seemed quite eager to talk with me more.

States for the day:

  • in the morning quite foggy, absentminded
  • during the day(when alone): relaxed at peace
  • when around others: more eager to being pissed off

#5

Day 3:

This day was a day where I worked really hard, I think I worked straight for around 4-5 hours without stopping. Sadly my knowledge is quite lacking with the work I am doing right now, so I was only going with baby steps, but without the sub I would still only be able to progress with babysteps. But I believe the progress that I have made today is worth atleast a week when I progress normally, so that’s quite good.

I mapped out my project, and I have around 2-3 pages of tasks to handle one by one. So it will be easier to handle it.

On contrary to my productivity my mood was quite low, I believe I listened most of the day to sad songs, and I felt quite lonely also I didn’t sing today.

Details about corona and how it affects my life/mentality:

I am feeling quite bad about the fact that my father is still the only person, who leaves the house to buy groceries and go to work.
Luckily he doesn’t really realize the dangers of the virus so he carries on his daily life quite carefree. He has been once at the hospital for a prolonged time and I saw that he is quite weak mentally when his sick. So I am preparing myself mentally to handle stuff when our family will be infected. According to statistics it should be around mid May. It didn’t hit me until the virus popped up how problematic can be if you are poor, have no savings, and how devastating it can be if you loose your low-paying job in times of need.


#6

Day 4:

My disposition today was again quite low. Even the others pointed out “Why do I look so sad?”

Didn’t do anything productive yet, not even searching for possible solutions to the project where I am a bottleneck.

My sex drive has increased quite noticeably.

I also woke up 3 hours earlier than usual. But I didn’t want to wake up so I went back and tried to fall back to sleep.

My appetite also increased.


#7

Its the healing in the sub thats hit you, it did with me also, i also felt sad for a what helped me was reduce my loops, so i regain my energy. And play when i feel fresh. After the sadness i feel confident, my face is rock solid and my libido is like yours also.
I think you will get there soon, its just a fase of healing, you will get better in no time. :slight_smile: cheers.


#8

Day 5:

My mood was better overall then the last 2 days.

I didn’t do much today, mostly just let the day fly by.
The only thing I am proud of today is that I took a piece of paper and made a table with 2 columns

What makes sense What doesn’t make sense
1.Sleeping the optimal amount 1.Sleeping more than necessary if it doesn’t bring any benefit.
2. Learning seduction skills if there is someone out there that you would like increase your chances 2. Watching others life story instead living your own
3. Learning monetary/economic skills because we need money for almost everything 3. Not believing in higher conciousness
4. Learning conversational skills because we talk everyday 4. Doing something you don’t genuinely want
5. Believeing in Higher Conciousness 5.Using “Doing something you don’t genuinely want” as an excuse to the stuff you want.
6. Learning how to develop photographic memory 6. Not doing something useful long-term because of momentary dissatisfaction.
7. Doing something you genuinely want. Not being clear with your current goals/ direction in life
8. Using every tool at your disposal to make your life better

#9

Day 6.

My mood is way better it seems for now reconciliation has ended.

For a moment during the day I thought I had figured out what will I do during my life, but then I thought more of it my ideas were great, but the overall outcome can’t happen not even 0.001% chance of happening, though it was nice to experience motivation, will and purpose once again. I haven’t felt it in years.
I will have to make my goals physically possible.


#10

I really like this list, totally resonate thanks for sharing. Very beneficial to have these clearly delineated. I’ve been not clear with current goals and directions and just knowing that that doesn’t make sense, has me clearer on my goals and direction.


#11

Day 7

My mood was again positive today. I don’t recall any moment during the day where I was sad.
I killed my OS 3 times today while I was experimenting with something, my experimentation wasn’t succesfull but it was quite fun.

A random person from an online business server wrote to me that we would be interested in discussing and asking my opininon on something. Tho the funny thing is I have been on that server for quite some time but i didn’t make many comments, around 20-30 in a year. But the dude thought I was some expert on a field just from a comment I wrote today there. It was quite a fun experience.

My family seems more energetic each day, wonder if my StarkQ aura has an effect on them.

I also started watching Jordan B. Petterson videos. He’s a very smart guy I can only recommend his content on youtube. He also has a book, which I will check out in the future.


#12

Day 8,9

Somehow I forgot to upload y-day it seems the day went by way to quickly for me.
I haven’t felt an ounce of negative emotion in the last 3-4 days so this is an amazing thing.
My procrastination is still ongoing.

It seems my talking skills went up a notch. In disputes I can more easily find arguments that can immediately end or turn the discussion in my favor.

I run StarkQ without any discomfort in the last 3days.

And I am realizing faster when I am not doing something that would benefit me.


#13

Day 10

It seems I am getting lazier each day. I berely managed to listen to 2 loops in the morning. It wasn’t because I didn’t have the chance, I just didn’t want to wear headsets today.

Worked around 2 hours today didn’t accomplish much. Had some ideas that I wrote down when my next work session comes

Family seems more kinder.

I had slight reconciliation this morning for a couple of hours, I was watching YouTube videos, watched something and it disappeared, but I forgot what it was,

I am having all these thoughts of how can I improve my life, and I believe it’s in accordance with StarkQ scripting cuz I thought about this on Emperor too but my ideas go in a different direction.

It also seems to me that I am unconciously avoiding finding a job I never had one, but to me it seems that I have bad beliefs about jobs. And now that I think about it it seems quite reasonable that I have bad beliefs about it. I recall that my mother has never loved her jobs since she started working. And always complained when she was home. So it seems I got some of those beliefs ingrained in me. Wow it seems writing this idea down helped me expand it. Haha great!

It seems looking for courses become my new safe place for making excuses about work,

My grandfather almost got sued today for going outside of the allocated time, luckily he got the easy end and he only got a warning and his info was recorded. I warned him before, that didn’t help, I hope this experience will. Fines here go from 500 euro to 4k Euro and the minimum wage is a little more than 500 so yeah it wouldn’t be too good if someone got fined here.


#14

I’ve noticed also that you quickly find things that are benefiting you while on shark q


#15

Baby shark doo doo doo, i couldn’t resist. :upside_down_face:


#16

Day 11

I barely managed to get in a single loop. My mood is still quite positive.

Most of my day went by thinking about how do I want to live. Felt like walking in a fog all day.
StarkQ makes me rethink many things which I didn’t do yet. Too bad I spent around 30 seconds to 1 minute on these ideas.

Day 12

It seems my laziness towards listening went away I am already past 3 loops.
I have been feeling more and more disgusted towards self-made poverty. I don’t the kind of poverty where someone has no possible way of escaping. I mean the one from where people could go out but they don’t and then get all the cons of being poor.

My productivity levels are all still low. I didn’t make any progress in the last 4 days I think. Which sucks.

Also StarkQ is still increasing my horniness day by day.

My appetite has also went up quite a bit. I have been eating 5 meals instead of 3 in the last week.


#17

Day 14

I have been feeling quite tired these days, low energy, looking pale, luckily my appetite is big.

With each and every day I am becoming more and more thoughtful. My “imagined future dialogs” have gone up around 2 levels by know. I am using terms that surprise even myself.

I am having a hardtime with my project and people started asking about my progress, that makes me mad, I lash out on them, I tell them that I will show them when it’s done, they ask more questions, I get madder. I repeat the same sentence around 3 more times, it seems they are retarded and can’t pick on social cues and then they tell me that they only ask because they care. Yeah fuck that, I explain to them that I don’t like when they ask about my work, they still ask questions, so I will need to find some solution because these kind of situations show up quite a lot in my life.

I also hurt my neck during sleep to make my day funnier.

I read y-day about something called a gratitude journal. Basically you write 5 things in the morning and evening that you’re grateful about. I have started it y-day night, the article said it trains your brain to be tuned to gratitude. Well that certainly could help.


#18

Day 15

I am feeling better, but today again I only managed to listen to a single loop.

I am having way more many thoughts about my future, I really like this. Like:

  • How should I do things? Why should I do that? What benefit does it bring me?
  • What do I want to do? Why do I want to do that? Would that bring me any benefit?

I would want to rush in to take action towards these but I end up not doing anything.

My appetite and sex drive are still overboard.


#19

Day 17

Mood overall was quite good the whole day.

I actually worked today for an hour.

My appetite is normalizing.

Tried listening on masked with speakers on lowest volume through the night, sadly I woke up every time at the end. But it was nice experimenting.

Got messaged by an old friend we had a blast.

I was less thoughtful and more grounded today, which definitely improved my day.


#20

Day 19

Nice day overall
I have been working for the last many hours.

Finally managed to finish one of the programming projects I have been struggling for a week now. (Not the one I have been mentioning so far)

Felt amazing, finally being done with something, no more hours googleing an error, finding solutions, and when you find a possible solution you try it. It works, but then you get a different error.
I tell you guys, that’s the best part in programming, being done with something. It feels very rewarding.

I was happy for 2 hours then I remembered I have other stuff to do, so I am back working.
I also started exercising y-day, I also did today too.

My appetite is still gigantic which is good.

And I had a weird dream where I was in a cooking school, where only 3 people get choosen and there were 10 people, but after every cooking there is something like a demon apocalypsis like in the DOOM series, so we have to kill monsters and survive before we can present our cooking, and one apocalypsis duration was one night.
I managed to survive till the last round. But something happened with my food and I was disqualified in the last round. And I felt quite bad in the dream.