The greatest feeling is to spontaneously do an act of self love and care so well that nothing else matters.
This cannot be a result of ST1 surely?
Having such a good time with great friends.
Wasn’t ST1 supposed to be dark and mysterious?
Where the past comes to haunt my soul?
Instead I’m transformed into such an energetically powerful and kind beast of a man - and he knows it
The type that just radiates?
Gets the royal treatment.
What gives?
Now I’m feeling some kind of recon, that of a mild longing to be with “mother”.
That is, a caretaking mother.
Then I realised, of all the women I’ve previously attracted, I treated them like my “mother”. If they were younger than me, they needed help with their emotional problems. I gave my listening ear and advice.
Older women were more dominant, abusive and wanted to caretaker me, it only on their terms. I loved that. But ST1 is pulling that pattern out of me and I feel a little lost without it. In fact without it, I don’t think I’m actively interested in “partnership” anymore, whether it’s a good one or not.
I’ve spend a lot of time catering to others as if I don’t have a self. But what Love Bomb is teaching me is yes, Michel exists! He is here and he is alive!. I’m motivated to look my best (addressing my weight and maximising my looks) and do what I want in life and surprisingly, I have the upper hand. I’m not being abused, I don’t have an oppressive at home regime controlling my movements, I’m free to pursue my own interests and can spontaneously travel to different lands if I want to.
That is freedom and I want it, thank you very much.
ST1 has me focusing on a few things:
Heartbreak… or is it missing a sense of place? I had a role, it was “child”, all it needed was a “parent”.
Grief at losing such an emotionally “safe” place
Soul Ache constant gnaw in the soul of my being, longing and begging for a woman, any woman to fill.
It’s constantly in the background and I have no way of stopping this stupid dull ache apart from playLove Bomb.
Well, I’m jilted, my ex has moved on and I’m on my own.Yes it still hurts, but I’m also glad. (Bad as it is to say even out loud). Because I don’t ever want to be under that level of dominating control ever again from a woman again. Was I a victim of a narcissistic relationship, again?
Luckily I have really good people on my side.
But what to do now? p̶u̶r̶s̶u̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶d̶e̶p̶e̶n̶d̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶h̶i̶p̶ ̶
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I could tell I was shedding a lot of the old stuck childhood crap. I have a “dad bod”. I still also look “young” - like a 40 year old child, frozen in time from the trauma.
Maybe in addition to DR1 there needs to be some kind of physical shifting stack. Wanted looks good, but that has the risk of being attractive to women (perfect for repeating damaging relationship patterns…) Ascension to hope for more than the absolute basic. Not sure yet.
I can totally relate. Working on this is important. 40yrs old too, looking 28 - 30. Working on dad bod as well. Keep working 
Just add Legacy of the Spartan bro, keep it simple 
Why didn’t I just listen to this piece of advice?
What a title, absolutely foundational. I’m no longer chasing contentment in other people, I already have it. It took my missing my ex partner and her initial joy and replaced it with maybe a significant amount of recon.
I get this state of joy when painting, teaching and travelling, now I have it at any time I want. This could increase my self worth simply by experiencing every moment as joy, not dread. Very nice effort Saint.