The greatest feeling is to spontaneously do an act of self love and care so well that nothing else matters.
This cannot be a result of ST1 surely?
Having such a good time with great friends.
Wasn’t ST1 supposed to be dark and mysterious?
Where the past comes to haunt my soul?
Instead I’m transformed into such an energetically powerful and kind beast of a man - and he knows it
The type that just radiates?
Gets the royal treatment.
What gives?
Now I’m feeling some kind of recon, that of a mild longing to be with “mother”.
That is, a caretaking mother.
Then I realised, of all the women I’ve previously attracted, I treated them like my “mother”. If they were younger than me, they needed help with their emotional problems. I gave my listening ear and advice.
Older women were more dominant, abusive and wanted to caretaker me, it only on their terms. I loved that. But ST1 is pulling that pattern out of me and I feel a little lost without it. In fact without it, I don’t think I’m actively interested in “partnership” anymore, whether it’s a good one or not.
I’ve spend a lot of time catering to others as if I don’t have a self. But what Love Bomb is teaching me is yes, Michel exists! He is here and he is alive!. I’m motivated to look my best (addressing my weight and maximising my looks) and do what I want in life and surprisingly, I have the upper hand. I’m not being abused, I don’t have an oppressive at home regime controlling my movements, I’m free to pursue my own interests and can spontaneously travel to different lands if I want to.
That is freedom and I want it, thank you very much.
ST1 has me focusing on a few things:
Heartbreak… or is it missing a sense of place? I had a role, it was “child”, all it needed was a “parent”.
Grief at losing such an emotionally “safe” place
Soul Ache constant gnaw in the soul of my being, longing and begging for a woman, any woman to fill.
It’s constantly in the background and I have no way of stopping this stupid dull ache apart from playLove Bomb.
Well, I’m jilted, my ex has moved on and I’m on my own.Yes it still hurts, but I’m also glad. (Bad as it is to say even out loud). Because I don’t ever want to be under that level of dominating control ever again from a woman again. Was I a victim of a narcissistic relationship, again?
Luckily I have really good people on my side.
But what to do now? p̶u̶r̶s̶u̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶d̶e̶p̶e̶n̶d̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶h̶i̶p̶ ̶
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I could tell I was shedding a lot of the old stuck childhood crap. I have a “dad bod”. I still also look “young” - like a 40 year old child, frozen in time from the trauma.
Maybe in addition to DR1 there needs to be some kind of physical shifting stack. Wanted looks good, but that has the risk of being attractive to women (perfect for repeating damaging relationship patterns…) Ascension to hope for more than the absolute basic. Not sure yet.
I can totally relate. Working on this is important. 40yrs old too, looking 28 - 30. Working on dad bod as well. Keep working 
Just add Legacy of the Spartan bro, keep it simple 
Why didn’t I just listen to this piece of advice?
What a title, absolutely foundational. I’m no longer chasing contentment in other people, I already have it. It took my missing my ex partner and her initial joy and replaced it with maybe a significant amount of recon.
I get this state of joy when painting, teaching and travelling, now I have it at any time I want. This could increase my self worth simply by experiencing every moment as joy, not dread. Very nice effort Saint.
Despite the recon-fueled switching of titles, I’m
now confident in ordering a name embed with Ascension and the AoH Essence module. I’m aiming for a solid foundation on top of the DRR1 run. Saint discussed the titles most likely to offer a foundation (AoH and LBFH) and I like the validation-killing effects from AoH.
I also tested Wanted to feel out it’s effects, I don’t think it will give me enough of a basic foundation to start running it, but I did go to Primark and buy and absolutely sexy as fuck polo shirt.
@RVconsultant mentioned a few months back if I was angry at the world - I want to prove people wrong about me. I am not useless, a shit, a good for nothing, unlovable, unwanted, a mistake. However I want to please others in order to prove myself. It’s the biggest road block to self worth I have and maybe Ascension is the one to lean on… having said that, should I just wait for DRR 2? Combine DRR2 with AoH?
I had a wild dream last night. I was fighting Bigfoot, late at night, outside my street, in a blizzard. Yeah…
So I asked ChatGPT for an interpretation and it said that I’ve tackled my shadow self. Which sounds big. It’s such a big aspect of myself that I attempted to punch the 9ft snow covered yeti in the face and I won. ChatGPT said it related to work, relationships and personal development.
When I woke up I felt a lot lighter and more mentally relaxed.
That makes me think that ST1 forced me into a subconscious showdown with all aspects of my dark personality on show, like trying to force control others, repressing my voice and expressing myself. They felt like longstanding insurmountable issues, persistently difficult to get over. Now I feel so different.
Building foundational self worth seems actually possible now. I have that egotistical idea of laughing to myself when something is funny (how dare I…), following my hunches, discovering myself again, getting irritated with friend demands to speak with me when I just want clear head space from work…
Another big thing is NOT feeling like I need to seek another person to fill a hole. My hole is already filled 
thinking well of myself, that’s not allowed, society doesn’t allow it, you’d better think again before you’re physically corrected…
ST1 after all these years manages to find another thing to uncover.
I wanted to clarify. Are you running DRR, and if so, which stage are you on right now?
Another recon episode, this time not as monumental as fighting Bigfoot but all the more significant. This one was more classic, like it felt like my entire world was ending. I couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm for life on any level, even the things I like doing felt pointless. I’m not sure what I’ve lost but it feels like I’ve let go of something. Punching Bigfoot felt like a courageous thing to do to destroy the dark shadow monolith, but this one I felt like giving up. What was the point of life? To eat, shit, work like a donkey, maybe get some toxic sex and rinse repeat. Why can’t I just heal the inner child and get on with enjoying life?
There are still issues I recognise as getting in the way, like refusing to grow, take care of myself, not asking for better, not catching an ego and choosing to stay stuck. But it is not nearly as difficult to overcome this time round.
Maybe the recon is the healed self trying to show up in microbursts:
Anyway, name embedded ST2 + module is on its way, hoping this hump gets sorted out.
Here is an in-depth description of each stage of Dragon Reborn Red, a four-stage subliminal program from Subliminal Club designed for deep emotional healing, inner child recovery, personal empowerment, and core identity transformation—especially effective for survivors of narcissistic abuse, SLDD (Self-Love Deficit Disorder), and long-term trauma.
Stage 1: The Purge – Emotional Detox & Shadow Awakening
Before any true self-love or confidence can grow, the “rotted roots” must be pulled out. This stage brings your unconscious wounds into light so they can be processed and released.
“Healing is not about becoming better, but remembering who you were before you were hurt.”
Stage 2: The Breakdown – Disintegration of the False Self
You can’t truly become who you are if you’re still trying to be who your abusers needed you to be. This stage creates psychological space for the real self to emerge.
“In losing who you were, you find who you are.”
Stage 3: Empowerment – Reclaiming Voice, Power & Self-Worth
This is where you take your power back. Your authentic self isn’t afraid to be seen, set boundaries, speak truth, and choose what’s right for you.
“I am no longer a reflection of my past—I am the creator of my present.”
Stage 4: Integration – Self-Mastery, Wholeness, and Sovereignty
Healing isn’t just a phase—it’s a way of being. This stage makes wholeness your new normal. It’s not just about surviving abuse; it’s about becoming unshakable and sovereign.
“You are no longer healing to become someone—you are someone who healed.”
Summary of the Journey:| Stage | Focus | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| ST1: The Purge | Emotional detox, inner child pain, shadow work | Reveal and release old wounds |
| ST2: Breakdown | Dismantling false identity, reparenting | Let go of survival masks |
| ST3: Empowerment | Power, confidence, voice, boundaries | Step into authentic self |
| ST4: Integration | Self-mastery, emotional sovereignty, wholeness | Embody your truth daily |