The greatest feeling is to spontaneously do an act of self love and care so well that nothing else matters.
This cannot be a result of ST1 surely?
Having such a good time with great friends.
Wasn’t ST1 supposed to be dark and mysterious?
Where the past comes to haunt my soul?
Instead I’m transformed into such an energetically powerful and kind beast of a man - and he knows it
The type that just radiates?
Gets the royal treatment.
What gives?
Now I’m feeling some kind of recon, that of a mild longing to be with “mother”.
That is, a caretaking mother.
Then I realised, of all the women I’ve previously attracted, I treated them like my “mother”. If they were younger than me, they needed help with their emotional problems. I gave my listening ear and advice.
Older women were more dominant, abusive and wanted to caretaker me, it only on their terms. I loved that. But ST1 is pulling that pattern out of me and I feel a little lost without it. In fact without it, I don’t think I’m actively interested in “partnership” anymore, whether it’s a good one or not.
I’ve spend a lot of time catering to others as if I don’t have a self. But what Love Bomb is teaching me is yes, Michel exists! He is here and he is alive!. I’m motivated to look my best (addressing my weight and maximising my looks) and do what I want in life and surprisingly, I have the upper hand. I’m not being abused, I don’t have an oppressive at home regime controlling my movements, I’m free to pursue my own interests and can spontaneously travel to different lands if I want to.
That is freedom and I want it, thank you very much.
ST1 has me focusing on a few things:
Heartbreak… or is it missing a sense of place? I had a role, it was “child”, all it needed was a “parent”.
Grief at losing such an emotionally “safe” place
Soul Ache constant gnaw in the soul of my being, longing and begging for a woman, any woman to fill.
It’s constantly in the background and I have no way of stopping this stupid dull ache apart from playLove Bomb.
Well, I’m jilted, my ex has moved on and I’m on my own.Yes it still hurts, but I’m also glad. (Bad as it is to say even out loud). Because I don’t ever want to be under that level of dominating control ever again from a woman again. Was I a victim of a narcissistic relationship, again?
Luckily I have really good people on my side.
But what to do now? p̶u̶r̶s̶u̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶c̶o̶d̶e̶p̶e̶n̶d̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶h̶i̶p̶ ̶
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I could tell I was shedding a lot of the old stuck childhood crap. I have a “dad bod”. I still also look “young” - like a 40 year old child, frozen in time from the trauma.
Maybe in addition to DR1 there needs to be some kind of physical shifting stack. Wanted looks good, but that has the risk of being attractive to women (perfect for repeating damaging relationship patterns…) Ascension to hope for more than the absolute basic. Not sure yet.
I can totally relate. Working on this is important. 40yrs old too, looking 28 - 30. Working on dad bod as well. Keep working 
Just add Legacy of the Spartan bro, keep it simple 
Why didn’t I just listen to this piece of advice?
What a title, absolutely foundational. I’m no longer chasing contentment in other people, I already have it. It took my missing my ex partner and her initial joy and replaced it with maybe a significant amount of recon.
I get this state of joy when painting, teaching and travelling, now I have it at any time I want. This could increase my self worth simply by experiencing every moment as joy, not dread. Very nice effort Saint.
Despite the recon-fueled switching of titles, I’m
now confident in ordering a name embed with Ascension and the AoH Essence module. I’m aiming for a solid foundation on top of the DRR1 run. Saint discussed the titles most likely to offer a foundation (AoH and LBFH) and I like the validation-killing effects from AoH.
I also tested Wanted to feel out it’s effects, I don’t think it will give me enough of a basic foundation to start running it, but I did go to Primark and buy and absolutely sexy as fuck polo shirt.
@RVconsultant mentioned a few months back if I was angry at the world - I want to prove people wrong about me. I am not useless, a shit, a good for nothing, unlovable, unwanted, a mistake. However I want to please others in order to prove myself. It’s the biggest road block to self worth I have and maybe Ascension is the one to lean on… having said that, should I just wait for DRR 2? Combine DRR2 with AoH?
I had a wild dream last night. I was fighting Bigfoot, late at night, outside my street, in a blizzard. Yeah…
So I asked ChatGPT for an interpretation and it said that I’ve tackled my shadow self. Which sounds big. It’s such a big aspect of myself that I attempted to punch the 9ft snow covered yeti in the face and I won. ChatGPT said it related to work, relationships and personal development.
When I woke up I felt a lot lighter and more mentally relaxed.
That makes me think that ST1 forced me into a subconscious showdown with all aspects of my dark personality on show, like trying to force control others, repressing my voice and expressing myself. They felt like longstanding insurmountable issues, persistently difficult to get over. Now I feel so different.
Building foundational self worth seems actually possible now. I have that egotistical idea of laughing to myself when something is funny (how dare I…), following my hunches, discovering myself again, getting irritated with friend demands to speak with me when I just want clear head space from work…
Another big thing is NOT feeling like I need to seek another person to fill a hole. My hole is already filled 
thinking well of myself, that’s not allowed, society doesn’t allow it, you’d better think again before you’re physically corrected…
ST1 after all these years manages to find another thing to uncover.
I wanted to clarify. Are you running DRR, and if so, which stage are you on right now?
Another recon episode, this time not as monumental as fighting Bigfoot but all the more significant. This one was more classic, like it felt like my entire world was ending. I couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm for life on any level, even the things I like doing felt pointless. I’m not sure what I’ve lost but it feels like I’ve let go of something. Punching Bigfoot felt like a courageous thing to do to destroy the dark shadow monolith, but this one I felt like giving up. What was the point of life? To eat, shit, work like a donkey, maybe get some toxic sex and rinse repeat. Why can’t I just heal the inner child and get on with enjoying life?
There are still issues I recognise as getting in the way, like refusing to grow, take care of myself, not asking for better, not catching an ego and choosing to stay stuck. But it is not nearly as difficult to overcome this time round.
Maybe the recon is the healed self trying to show up in microbursts:
Anyway, name embedded ST2 + module is on its way, hoping this hump gets sorted out.
Here is an in-depth description of each stage of Dragon Reborn Red, a four-stage subliminal program from Subliminal Club designed for deep emotional healing, inner child recovery, personal empowerment, and core identity transformation—especially effective for survivors of narcissistic abuse, SLDD (Self-Love Deficit Disorder), and long-term trauma.
Stage 1: The Purge – Emotional Detox & Shadow Awakening
Before any true self-love or confidence can grow, the “rotted roots” must be pulled out. This stage brings your unconscious wounds into light so they can be processed and released.
“Healing is not about becoming better, but remembering who you were before you were hurt.”
Stage 2: The Breakdown – Disintegration of the False Self
You can’t truly become who you are if you’re still trying to be who your abusers needed you to be. This stage creates psychological space for the real self to emerge.
“In losing who you were, you find who you are.”
Stage 3: Empowerment – Reclaiming Voice, Power & Self-Worth
This is where you take your power back. Your authentic self isn’t afraid to be seen, set boundaries, speak truth, and choose what’s right for you.
“I am no longer a reflection of my past—I am the creator of my present.”
Stage 4: Integration – Self-Mastery, Wholeness, and Sovereignty
Healing isn’t just a phase—it’s a way of being. This stage makes wholeness your new normal. It’s not just about surviving abuse; it’s about becoming unshakable and sovereign.
“You are no longer healing to become someone—you are someone who healed.”
Summary of the Journey:| Stage | Focus | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| ST1: The Purge | Emotional detox, inner child pain, shadow work | Reveal and release old wounds |
| ST2: Breakdown | Dismantling false identity, reparenting | Let go of survival masks |
| ST3: Empowerment | Power, confidence, voice, boundaries | Step into authentic self |
| ST4: Integration | Self-mastery, emotional sovereignty, wholeness | Embody your truth daily |
These strange looking insects look like dragonflies, except they only possess one set of wings and three tail like antennas.
This thing caught a lift on the regional train to the water lands.
Mayflies live for one day only. Which means in 24 hours it must look for a water filled environment to find a partner, mate, lay eggs and then die.
It chose to spend its only day on earth alive with me.
That is a humbling experience.
I put this down to LBFH+ DRR1.
The Mayfly told me to transform, live free from the past, love life as if it was my last day on earth. Because it was the mayfly’s last.
I won’t see it ever again.
Because it was the mayfly’s destiny.
What is a day in anyone’s life?
Received both name embed customs today:
Dragon Reborn Red Stage 2 + Essence of Love and Joy
and
Love Bomb For Humanity + Synergy: Heaven Shaking Power
Both customs should get me going on the self love journey away from being a beta male (@Skadoosh) and more into my own self love and inner power. I’m aiming to blast through DRR2 without tapping out like last time with the constant switching.
Complete self image change with DRR2 may be harder to get through than DRR2, it’s almost addictive to sit in a bath of misery that DRR1 provided, but a wholesale identity shift where all of your internal landmarks that I grew up with? Too much… Let’s see what happens.
Sounds awesome, lol.
I like to use the metaphor of “tapping out”, but it’s misleading so I don’t do it anymore.
Going through reconciliation, healing, and running intense subliminals is not about “toughing it out”, “fighting demons”, “going hard”, “not giving up”, “not tapping out”, etc. People who have this David Goggin’s type of approach towards internal healing don’t make it far because their internal environment for processing emotions is contracted, stiff, and restrictive.
Instead of doubling down on the hyper-discipline, triple down on the self-compassion, patience, listening, and understanding with yourself. This allows you to unwind, release, and soften your internal environment, so that emotions actually have space to move and aren’t suppressed by tension. Thoughts have space to flow and reach new conclusions (shifts and transformation), rather than be restricted and held in place by judgement or shame.
TLDR: Go soft, not hard. Be gentle with yourself because the emotional/subconscious domain is sensitive. This is why even the toughest motherfucker will break down and cry like a kid - because for once they’re finally feeling. This is why we have things like an “inner child”, and tender, unguarded parts of ourselves that put up protective walls just to feel safe. This is basic human psychology. There is no such thing as “brute-forcing” emotional healing, and there is no such thing as “out-disciplining” your way through trauma.
If a stack ever proves to be too difficult to run and you end up considering a new one - this doesn’t make you “weak” or "undisciplined’. It doesn’t mean you that you need to be shamed for “sub-hopping” and not using enough conscious willpower to “tough it out”. It simply means that you are not ready, which is okay - so you simply make the adjustments and run something more foundational to build a capacity, taking your time if you have to.
Thanks for letting me clear that up, lol.
Food for thought @skadoosh and maybe I’m trying to get to the finish line by any means necessary, instead of just relaxing into the process and not being so damn harsh on myself. I’ll need to maybe generate a lot more self love than what I’m showing currently.
Having said that - I’ve spun the name embedded LBFH for the first time and it is amazing, I’m not in need of anyone’s approval now, for example I just (harshly and without warning) stopped contacting my ex. It was a codependent relationship and we both still needed each other to fill our cups, which is not healthy.
But independent life is so much better with self love. Self love, what a radical idea eh? Add LBFH with the power modules and bloody hell, can anybody stop me?
Power + Self esteem = a solid steel foundation
What a fascinating combination 
So much self love being generated by this title, I almost feel embarrassed to accept this level of being love bombed! That takes me to a weird defence mechanism.
Loving myself is such a foreign concept to me. It feels selfish, it feels wrong, it’s conceited, it is disregarding others feelings.
This is the hump I’ll need to get over, gently in order to wholly sit comfortably in my soul. Maybe all of the teachings I learnt in childhood to ignore what I want for the favour of being loved are starting to be challenged.
This is acting rapidly - it’s a raw power that I see in my body language, my actions and look. It is awesome. It’s the type of power that could make other people uncomfortable. And I don’t care now. Just going about my business in the past, others sought to try to dominate me physically, emotionally and (especially in the shit job) verbally. That nonsense stops here.
You can’t love anyone else if you don’t love yourself
So if I love myself, who’s coming to love me? If I make it all about myself, will I even have space for another?
The concept of self love makes not sense the more I listen to LBFH, it feels like the biggest safety blanket in the world (how parents and society destroys this natural feeling throughout life is the cruellest trick anyone can suffer). However I can’t get over the metaphysical “science” of loving oneself before anyone else comes in, not that I actually looking for someone right now.
Either way, I’m taking to this self love thing like a duck to water (I might even go back on the ice for the giggles 
). It feels natural and impenetrable to anyone who is on a negative vibe.
In fact, self love will get me to reassess what and who I want out of life, involving work, friends and career. I’ve held back from pursuing the things I love out of fear of failing, fear of looking stupid for trying and not being successful. If I aim to double my salary and live alone, it currently feels impossible (and who the fuck am I to do so?). There are tools to get there effortlessly but that’s not the point. Stopping oneself from even trying will guarantee a small life, one where the bare minimum is allowed and acceptable. Self love says why can’t I have more? Am I not worthy of more than the bare minimum? shades of parenting flashbacks
I might write something about growing internal power and saying no to being pestered to work on my days off. Needless to say, I’ve already said no once, the second time will be impolite…
This is why I envied middle-class women I talked to as a student in my capacity as an educator, they seem to have such supportive parents who raised them mostly correctly (notwithstanding the usual parent-child struggles). Their self esteem was higher than mine, they were kind, patient and had worth - something that seemed to me like such a foreign concept.
I’ve got it now, even in short quick bursts of LBFH, but F*CK ME what an absolute slog and waste of decades trying to get it back.
At age 6, I learned the truth.
I wasn’t wanted, point blank.
Little wonder I went through life with such little self regard. I looked for love outside and got taken advantage of. No point getting blood out of a stone.
I realised that I tried so hard to get my parents to like me, even adjust to them for that precious crumbs of love and it never worked.
This is the LBFH lesson - loving myself when others couldn’t be arsed.
LBFH recon is something else. It has opened my eyes to a lot of subconscious shit. Of course, if I was never taught to love myself, how could anyone else?
