Finding my True North

Journals - Major Programs
#442

Kommander Khan Korrupt Komplete
Day 13

That gym over there
Walked past gym, realised I had the gear, Khan giving me nudges, couldn’t say no to working out. Did a few heavy sets. Thanks to PCC, I got a little irritated by a regular redhead trainer, because I knew intuitively that her secondary agenda was also to get male attention (married as well).

PCC also warned me in advance of a few undesirables on the street, like I knew they would spit on the street in hate. There was also two guys arguing on the street, threatening to get physical. Khan gave me a desire to intervene and break it up but didn’t act on it. You never know what people are carrying these days…

Experimenting with ST1 for several days - Regeneration’s job is now complete - now it’s time to fix all the faulty irrational beliefs picked up from the past.

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#443

Khan
Two week report

  • PRESENCE!!!
  • Effortless bad boy behaviour
  • Self Confidence x1000
  • Self Love x100
  • Relaxed arrogance
  • Starting not to give a shit what others think
  • Developing my own independent life
  • Developing ability to lead others and voice my opinions
  • Able to stand up for myself (w/ PCC)
  • Getting a ton of respect back
  • Others scared to try to take the piss

Realisation
It’s actually a GOOD thing to be hated. It means I affect THEM. I stand out.
Hate equals fear. Fear of the other.
My Khan PRESENCE makes other men scared. That’s a good thing. It makes me free to be myself.

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#444

@Michel - Like a wise man once said: “I would rather be respected than loved”

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#445

… said by the same wise man that wrote a literary classic which inspired the 48 Laws of Power. - and Power Can Corrupt :wink:

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#446

Kommander Khan Korrupt (with some Breakdown)
Day 15

Partial Breakdown:
Why am I still at home??? Like I’m trapped here. Why can’t I have my own place? Then I’ll be paying someone for a roof over my head for a place which isn’t mine, working like a slave to keep it and trying not to be homeless again, living in the street, being looked down upon like a piece of dog shit on their shoe, then death.

ST1 Shit Dreams:

  • The head of NATO, Jens Stoltenberg sneaks into the UK via a plane and a bus, spy style. One BBC journalist sees this and gives a live report on the radio, but is strangled to death on-air.
  • At work carrying tables as a pair, we collide with another pair carrying a table. One guy gets really pissed, then tells me: everybody hates you. If you’re working in the North section, everyone else wants to be in the South section, nobody likes you, man".
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#447

This is very true @Michel, and very insightful. And it must have been very very hard to have lived a homeless period of your life, as it seems to be the case through what you shared there.

And, when this way of thinking continues with you for the rest of your life, how would your future look? How would it affect your future and help you have the life you desire, and be the strong man you want to be?

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#448

Holy shit, @AMASH is here.

Hopefully, that was a stream of consciousness that was brought up to be broken down by ST1.

I have faith in KHAN to turn things around (and myself).

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#449

@Michel, I think Khan suits you very much :wink:

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#450

Thank you. Khan is one of the best SubClub subs ever made. Even Total Breakdown has its benefits

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#451

Very true @Michel

And tomorrow is Valentines’ Day 2020. I find it to be a good exercise to notice progress to think of how you were and how you life was a year ago, on Valentines’ 2019. How much of a difference do you notice in the man you are today compared to ±365 days ago?

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#452

How much of a difference do I see in myself from a year ago?
Stronger emotionally - having a sense of self, no longer chasing after people for validation
More masculine - no longer having the maturity of a child and embracing my own power
More assertive - putting people in their place finally.
More confident - been through the toughest tests and lived.
Self respect - establishing this crucial ingredient for a self fulfilling life
Have boundaries - knowing where I end and to stop being so giving of my time and energy to others. No longer a trained human listening post
More emotionally independent - I’ve let go of all my female friends who didn’t treat me with the respect I deserved

I’m crediting all of this to Khan, however PCC was the turning key point for assertiveness and Regeneration clearing the past.

Tomorrow, to celebrate, as it will be Valentine’s, what better way than to treat oneself?

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#453

That’s awesome, a very well written detailed post filled with truly emotive benefits.

Amazing @Michel. I keep always being impressed with you and your progress :slight_smile:

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#454

@Michel absolutely amazing - go for it !

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#455

This is just brilliant!!!

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#456

Mixed Messages:
Woke up with thoughts questioning conflicting beliefs I’ve remembered from childhood:

  • Don’t kick the ball in the yard/don’t ride the bike here, go to the park
  • Where were you, you must always stay in your yard!
  • You’re making to much noise
  • Why are you not talking?

Then I realised I had ST1 in my ears.

Felt good to finally address these mixed messages from way back and release them from my body.

Self care
Going back to try to revisit what I liked as a child and reclaim it as an adult. Mostly through the foods I liked (rice pudding is the shit) music and going for a skate on ice.

Speaking of which, the amount of jealous boyfriends clutching onto their girls. I’m doing nothing. I ain’t moving in on your woman, relax…

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#457

Kommander Khan Korrupt Komplete (with some Breakdown)
Day 20

A special mention to Regeneration who retired today. Regen served faithfully to treat my long-standing undiagnosed Complex PTSD symptoms for 60 days straight, with the Elixir. :clap:

A “head storm” of intense self criticism, self-hatred, obsessing over not having things, confusing instructions from the past delivered under the threat of punishing violence…
ST1 broke all of those errornous beliefs into dust with force. No more head stress in public leaving a clear path to confidence.

Was still obsessing over losing a friend, a lack of work and money for the last two weeks, but Khan gave me time to learn to live with myself. So:

  • Started learning a new language
  • Learning how to skate on ice
  • Continued to go to the gym (highly recommended).
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#458

Brother, what do you think of effectiveness of using Elixr while having a stack of Qlst1 KSt4 PCC?

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#459

I wonder, doesn’t the management you are working for have an exact protocol how to handle situations like this (in accordance with the CI)? Just a general question because I was wondering about this recently.

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#460

Haha relatable. They asked me why I wasn’t laughing, next day I laughed then they told me to leave the class room :joy:

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#461

You’re getting distracted again. Stay on course.

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