Finding My Own Joy

Journals - Major Programs
#7

the ex forensic

AI might be taking our jobs and our souls but damn does it provide accurate reflective analysis on post situations.

I inputted three ex relationships into Gemini:

  • The friendzone tease (Athena*)

  • The hot and cold temptress (Sofiane*)

  • The narcissistic ex (Susan*)

(*not their real names)

and asked what went wrong, together with possible scenarios whilst on the Dream Boy Summertime stack (DreamTime)

Athena
Athena was the abandoned woman with the long distance boyfriend (probably to get away from her…) Her strategy was to dress very nice, but be very late meeting up, taking my hand in the art gallery and me being a clingy simp.

Sofiane
Sofiane was the ultra hot Mediterranean temptress who dressed hot, but acted entitled. She knew how to blow got and cold but other men wisely avoided her because of her red flags. I didn’t of course add pursued her. I acted the Nice Guy for a while and she abandoned me.

Susan
The narcissist who maintained absolute control over the relationship and the house. I unwisely moved in with her. Love bombed like a motherfucker, but knew deep down it felt fake. Then the criticisms came in - “you’re not doing enough”, “you must be cheating”. She benefitted from my energy, whilst I walked out feeling guilty, depleted, shaking like a shitting dog to the point of collapse.

DreamTime according to Gemini

The DreamTime stack would have me amused by Athena’s attempt to talk about what her boyfriend wasn’t doing, felt weird holding hands and would have listened to the “let’s be friends” speech with hilarity, because it would have been the perfect opportunity to cut her off.

Sofiane would have been steered clear from the jump because her odd posturing would not have made sense with her stunning looks. He would have even listened to other men steering clear of her for that very reason. Her sexy looks would have been a massive red flag.

I wouldn’t have come across Susan because I wouldn’t have met her in such a degenerative environment. But even so, her Girl Boss manipulative attitude would have been so off-putting and boring I would never have even contemplated a relationship let alone not look at the much more attractive colleagues instead.

To say this DreamTime stack is transforming is an understatement and a realisation that I fucked up with women by leaving my energy door open. Now it’s permanently slammed shut. I’m enjoying my own deep warm Summertime to myself without having to give it away for breadcrumbs. That’s my foundation sorted for DreamBoi to sort out the real attention for the fake cheap ones.

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#8

:sparkles::sparkles::sparkles: I ordered a full name embed! :sparkles::sparkles::sparkles:

The new DreamTime sub (DreamBoi + Summertime)

For those who want to know what it’s like having a first name, last name embed, it is much stronger than first name NE. I estimate it to be by a factor of 3. Squared.

How do I know?

After a full loop, I’m tired for the whole day.

There’s no recon and difficulty with both scripts (I believe due to the full name and the subs) but I got hit hard by the double nervous system regulation scripts in both subs. I’m going to use 2 loops a week, 3 is far too much.

starting the experiment

The second more technical reason for the full name embed is the earlier Gemini Pro answer that both Summertime and Dream Boy address my energy gaps in my Human Design profile.

For example:
I’m energetically wide open and empty, known that for a very long time and it can suck when someone’s angry at me (rejection) because I take it all in to heart. Then I might be “nice” to try and change them, which always backfires.

The big change I needed to make was to FIRST feel good within. Whatever happens with others, joy takes precedence over everything. Life, happiness and self satisfaction must take place. Being too “nice” and “available” ends here.
Summertime does this well.

I also needed to become the right kind of enigma. Yes, Wanted did this but with an edge. DreamBoi aligns better as it has a slow burn magical quality to it. It also attracts in a way that stops other people, especially women from finding me creepy due to being “nice”. I can be warmly nonchalant instead.

Combined, both have so far turned my life around and got me wondering what could have been when SubClub was around 30 years ago. So much embarrassing, nice guy mistakes, so many failed projects because I started them and tonnes of frustration overwhelm and stress… It’s an experiment and a learning curve.

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Experience: Adding the middle name
#9

Real people don’t say my French last name correctly. So I wonder if it’s good at proper pronunciation?

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#10

One option is to send a voice recording to SubClub with the pronunciation and they can transliterate it. Or a phonetic guide.

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#11

Interesting never thought about that.

#12

DreamTime

After a day of feeling like getting hit with a tranquilliser dart, DreamTime is integrating faster and cleaner than the no name stack.

Something happened this week that I knew the custom was lightning fast:

The female leader of the art group visited my space to talk for a bit, however the answers I gave back were very short, one word responses with the words left hanging in the air.

I also gently ended the conversation too.

It was all automatic, as if I wasn’t really trying.

Nice Guy me would have overly explained my own issues to her (because she might fix them?) and she would give her approval with love.

Not this time

I said what needed to be said - softly - and let the silences speak. I’m modelling the Dream Pockets thing already…

I now feel plugged up. The fear of someone taking away my foundation through disapproval is gone. Rejection can’t touch my soul anymore.

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#13

is this a custom you were running before with just the first name, I’m very interested to try this especially because it didn’t give you any recon in full loops

#14

the new alpha

DreamTime is flooding my system so deep and sophisticated. How do I know?

I was called a ***** by some lanky teen walking past. Then some mad woman screaming on the street tried to unload on me. Meanwhile on the metro some dude seated next to his girlfriend decided to get up and stand away from her after trying some weak dominant stare out.

I find all of these reactions returning as something amusing, as if my custom is masquerading as Khan! My very presence appears to trigger people so easily. My bad…

But it goes to show how powerful the right sub can be for the right person’s own mechanics. My Sacral Generator is now nuclear powered, with zero leaks, just from Summertime and DreamBoi which is a massive positive for me and apparently a negative for a few. I’m fully charged, yet so relaxed, I do believe I’m on a mild sedative.

I move slowly, brace differently and those insults and challenges I observed? Interesting information.

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#15

I stacked the main titles, before going full name embed. I estimated it to be 3x as powerful.

But :warning:fair warning - it is profound but likely the recon will be too. I can’t play it more than twice a week.

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#16

It’s eerie how much of the Early weeks signs are appearing a few days in rather than over a couple of weeks, even down to the bracing dropping and the deep relaxation baseline establishing itself:

  • Early weeks. The bracing drops first. Dream-Like Presence and The Open Window quiet the urge to perform and the low-grade social vigilance; you speak slower, leave silences, laugh before you have checked whether it is appropriate (Sprinklers, The Belly Laugh). Dream Current and Endless August start setting a new baseline rather than a mood.
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#17

makes sense, I’m guessing the results were more personal and long lasting

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#18

the highs and the lows of summer

The highs
Apart from the handful of women either looking like they want to abandon their men and go with me straight away, I went to a gallery where I met this cute receptionist who I discussed the work with her and spit balled over stuff. At the end she introduced herself with a handshake. :fire: I’ll be seeing her again soon, along with another gallery girl I saw during the summer.

The low
However not everyone meets a DreamBoi the same way: the next gallery had no one at the desk, it was opened from the outside by returning staff member and two women emerged. As I went upstairs to see more at, one woman scrambled to lock the doors off the office next door. Clearly they thought I was planning a robbery - until they backtracked. I felt hurt and it left a bitter taste in the mouth after I left.

It ruined the rest of the day, it tried to until I doubled up on music therapy. I was on cloud 9 before someone’s projection bias pissed on my head. But anyway the numerous nearby IOIs and actual real approach was enough to convince me this DreamTime stack could be really dangerous for my single status…

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#19

Told you. :wink:

No idea why I wanted to return to the same gallery that had me down as a burglar, but something told me to vindicate myself and go in.

Glad I did because the new receptionist (Spanish) appeared very friendly and very eager to find out who I was and where my students were when I told them to go to that gallery! But, yes, she was so keen that she Freudian slipped that I could ask for her number… before correcting herself and asking for my details for a private view. A very private view…

But anyway I took it in my stride and felt immense vindication in returning. I could see the blonde woman who basically accused me (projected her mess into me) standing next to my new Spanish girl and said “see you later” to her only and blanked the blonde.

Took it like a king :crown:

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#20

on “doing nothing”

This custom sub is an odd combination for someone like myself looking to build alpha traits, stop massive energy leaks, stop coming across as weird to women and feel on par with the rest of society. It fucking works!

I’m grateful for the general inner cultivation of titles like DreamBoi and Summertime because the harder edged ones caused me to flat line, and I’m getting the same kind of results too.

See the regular forum advice for attraction and dating is to go out and pursue, don’t be passive and don’t do nothing, “fuck an IOI”, lol. Yet that same advice was also violating my own biology.

Doing nothing is the goal.

When women I’ve never met before in a professional setting take the step to not only introduce themselves and invite me to exclusive events, whilst almost giving out their personal number unprompted, doing nothing works for me.

When the train carriage I’m in fills up with attractive women when the men flee and refuse to sit near, doing nothing works for me.

When opportunities come my way without even thinking about pushing and pulling to get seen, doing nothing works for me.

When the receptionist specifically remembers you, when she meets thousands of people in a week, that’s doing nothing.

When even exes are closely looking at my socials and sending “this reminds me of you” messages, doing nothing works for me.

.

In reality the “nothing” is simply letting the custom work on my nervous system and satisfaction, creating a suitable environment from which to respond to.

on full name results

I’ll say this - every other sub I’ve played had average to good results, mostly because I don’t relate to the script. Even I’ll treat first name customs with emotional some distance - how many people have my name? It can’t be me it’s talking to…

First + Last name customs? Elite :sparkles:

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Experience: Adding the middle name
#21

the IOIs have it

This is why I believe paying attention to IOIs rather than shouting “fuck an IOI” is a valuable, reliable information point on this HD design journey:

On a regular basis whilst travelling to work, the metro carriage I choose to sit in fills up almost exclusively by women without fail, whilst anybody male tend to hover on the fringes. For me this is an obvious sign of my custom sharply progressing. Had I listened and agreed with “only sex counts!” I would have hand waved all that burgeoning real world experience away, which would have been ridiculous given the obvious way attractive women are now actively seeking my presence. I would have surely sabotaged my progress.

experimenting with presence

It’s important for me to tolerate the presence of a large amount of attractive women with IOIs and learn that this is a normal, even expected occurrence, that way the deeper, more personable experiences can manifest.

On top of that, at the cafe, I wanted to experiment with speaking deeper and moving slower than usual. After ordering I observed the barista losing a little composure (she double bagged my tea…) and I could see she had bit her lower lip before turning round.

the next step threshold

Those IOIs went from “nice guy”, “creep” to “who’s that mysterious man” to “safe, erotic, dreamy”. The next step is the other side of the IOI coin - the green light approaches. In fact a few of those green lights have already appeared, in public and privately…

So yeah, I believe that IOIs are important because they are the first step in a very delicate and beautiful dance between the sexes. Only when she makes that big move, then it’s fine to respond.

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#22

Is this still from DreamTime stack?

#23

Yes, now the end of week 3

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#24

Do whatever works for you. That’s the whole point

#25

Thank you for sharing in such detail your experiences @Michel. Your recent success had me wondering what the f*** I was doing going in circles. I wrote about it in my journal, wondering what is possible when others are achieving success.

Thank you for spitting it out. That’s a lot of growth in progress.

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#26

I’m full of myself in the self amused, unhurried, smirky way. Instead of scanning my surroundings looking for the next person to give me a scowl, I just don’t care a shit. Even some random dude laughed at me for how i dress in jeans and all I could think of was the Goodfellas scene:

funny-laugh

It might seem minor to others but I’m a receptive man - that could have set me up for a doom spiral for the rest of the day. It didn’t even register for more than a hot minute.

the boundary breach

Now here is the new development I’ve almost missed - a female teaching peer of mine is starting to come up with excuses to approach my temporary table next door! Firstly she was floating by, placing one item nearby, then much later using a bolder approach by directly interrupting my session with a student. She was progressively approaching and probing my vibe with decreasing subtlety! Made no logical sense at the time, but I’m sure that was her plan. (She is married with kids…)

The thing is, my deep inner stability has turned the female IOIs up a notch or two. As an educator, I keep respectful boundaries between colleagues and students, so this DreamTime stack is unlocking a level of spontaneity that all women also seem to appreciate - I’ve even had a student personally ask for me numerous times without success.

But this teaching peer also had time for me to talk privately about eroticism and desire in artworks without embarrassment, only to break away twice because of the subtle pressure that was building in her. I’m still nonplussed about the whole thing.

This will be a slow burner and I’m sure the approaches will get bigger and bolder.

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