Finding My Own Joy

Journals - Major Programs
#21

the IOIs have it

This is why I believe paying attention to IOIs rather than shouting “fuck an IOI” is a valuable, reliable information point on this HD design journey:

On a regular basis whilst travelling to work, the metro carriage I choose to sit in fills up almost exclusively by women without fail, whilst anybody male tend to hover on the fringes. For me this is an obvious sign of my custom sharply progressing. Had I listened and agreed with “only sex counts!” I would have hand waved all that burgeoning real world experience away, which would have been ridiculous given the obvious way attractive women are now actively seeking my presence. I would have surely sabotaged my progress.

experimenting with presence

It’s important for me to tolerate the presence of a large amount of attractive women with IOIs and learn that this is a normal, even expected occurrence, that way the deeper, more personable experiences can manifest.

On top of that, at the cafe, I wanted to experiment with speaking deeper and moving slower than usual. After ordering I observed the barista losing a little composure (she double bagged my tea…) and I could see she had bit her lower lip before turning round.

the next step threshold

Those IOIs went from “nice guy”, “creep” to “who’s that mysterious man” to “safe, erotic, dreamy”. The next step is the other side of the IOI coin - the green light approaches. In fact a few of those green lights have already appeared, in public and privately…

So yeah, I believe that IOIs are important because they are the first step in a very delicate and beautiful dance between the sexes. Only when she makes that big move, then it’s fine to respond.

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#22

Is this still from DreamTime stack?

#23

Yes, now the end of week 3

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#24

Do whatever works for you. That’s the whole point

#25

Thank you for sharing in such detail your experiences @Michel. Your recent success had me wondering what the f*** I was doing going in circles. I wrote about it in my journal, wondering what is possible when others are achieving success.

Thank you for spitting it out. That’s a lot of growth in progress.

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#26

I’m full of myself in the self amused, unhurried, smirky way. Instead of scanning my surroundings looking for the next person to give me a scowl, I just don’t care a shit. Even some random dude laughed at me for how i dress in jeans and all I could think of was the Goodfellas scene:

funny-laugh

It might seem minor to others but I’m a receptive man - that could have set me up for a doom spiral for the rest of the day. It didn’t even register for more than a hot minute.

the boundary breach

Now here is the new development I’ve almost missed - a female teaching peer of mine is starting to come up with excuses to approach my temporary table next door! Firstly she was floating by, placing one item nearby, then much later using a bolder approach by directly interrupting my session with a student. She was progressively approaching and probing my vibe with decreasing subtlety! Made no logical sense at the time, but I’m sure that was her plan. (She is married with kids…)

The thing is, my deep inner stability has turned the female IOIs up a notch or two. As an educator, I keep respectful boundaries between colleagues and students, so this DreamTime stack is unlocking a level of spontaneity that all women also seem to appreciate - I’ve even had a student personally ask for me numerous times without success.

But this teaching peer also had time for me to talk privately about eroticism and desire in artworks without embarrassment, only to break away twice because of the subtle pressure that was building in her. I’m still nonplussed about the whole thing.

This will be a slow burner and I’m sure the approaches will get bigger and bolder.

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#27

territorial games

When men out with their girlfriends are looking for a fight because she keeps turning her head looking my way and I don’t even notice…

But yeah, this is my reality at the moment.

It’s fine, because one look from me and they reconsider their actions quite quickly. I’m unbothered which seems to shake them up even more. Like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas.

DreamTime isn’t an alpha stack combination and yet this is the effect my vibe is having.
My only concern is not to embrace and nurture that kind of hostility within me and actually decide to side with them against myself lol. Objectivity can go to far!

leaning back

I’m also creating a little bit of distance with all women who know me. Meaning I’m messaging them much less and saying less. Not so eager to impress. It’ll also see who is really a friend of mine vs who’s out to use my company. Luckily I don’t have much of the latter, because I have been a much less of a good ol’ Nice Guy and hanging back. I don’t know what the outcome will be, expecting existential dread… Anyway let’s see.

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