Finding My Foundation

Journals - Major Programs
#41

Michel, I don’t want to derail your thread, but since you resonated with what I mentioned about service, I want to paste something in here.

It’s a testimonial from Joe Dispenza’s YouTube channel that was quite synchronistically posted today and it talks about what service to others with neglect for oneself can do. As I see it, such consequences are just a natural correction mechanism of Life, which tries to help us include ourselves in the service that we provide. And this is the true understanding of Wholeness - our individual bodies and minds have to be included in our service. Because it’s not so much service to others, but more accurately it’s service to the Whole. (Personally, I’d say our body and mind have to be a priority. No exception. Service only from overflow, not from compulsion.)

It’s quite a significant distortion if we don’t do that and here is what happened to a certain lady:

#42

There! See? You can’t lie your zero point.

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#43

Feeling much more at ease in my body, I can now trust in the foundation, snap panic and sadness occur less - I think it’s to do with needing to be a perfectionist (for my parents, no less) and allowing the journey to unfold, not being anxious to rush to the end.

Taking my time because there is time, as long as I prioritise effectively and not panic. Lately I haven’t given much thought lately to my art peer group - they don’t give much of a fuck, so why should I?

It’s been 30 days, this cycle has been so effective in curing a lot of unreachable foundational stuff, so do I drop such an effective duo in ST1/LBFH? I could legitimately walk away from subs extremely satisfied with what I’ve achieved and live life, but at the expense of not testing that foundation to go higher. What to do?

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#44

tentatively climbing

Trying ST2 and kinda feeling ok, no real leakage actually happening. Not sure if I should stay with it for another cycle as it feels great. Am I scared of growing this time? Am I scared of the bottom dropping out again? Definitely. I should try and forget past alpha runs and dare to dream… Do I want to really be “that man”?

On ST2 I’m noticing my old reflexes still firing off - things like giving way too readily on the street, being a bit too deferential to others when I should just practice safely building my ground, not just physically but mentally. Right now it is allowed to exist and take a little more space than usual without bracing.

Again I feel like both ST1 and ST2 is the kind of base that makes DreamBoi lands cleaner than the previous runs without it. I still can’t explain why it is now a potent combo and the results are steadily picking up, so I won’t bother trying :rofl:

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#45

up from the ground

Feeling tired, I think three titles is knackering me out. I might drop one of them for the time being? Or drop play time…

But I’m still feeling much more grounded and sure, upon waking up more root chakra energy is being generated. I’m more deliberate with movement and sitting down. No need to impress anyone today, just be present, cool, unapologetically me and get satisfaction from approving myself. It’s not a performance, but a way of being.

I sat in a mixed train carriage at the start of my journey, but by the end of it was all male. I’ve never experienced that before and there’s something really life affirming in just being in a male only space, just calm, anchored and non competitive. That’s what I mean by having the calling to spread positive effects on society.

Once again the sun is out and there are women who are a little curious about this new anchored Ascension ST2 man. Why is he just enjoying and vibing by himself? Shouldn’t he just be leaking all over the place?

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#46

Have you considered dropping stage 2 until you’ve felt comfortable enough with stage 1 to move on? I get people want results fast, but it’s lot more effect to build the foundation first instead of building the foundation and building on it at the same time.

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#47

I’ve already completed a 30 day cycle of ST1 without touching ST2, made sure of discipling myself not to touch ST2 for a month.

Now I could stay on ST1 and continue to feel brilliant about the leakages being sealed up, however 30 days is more than enough.

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#48

30 listening days?

#49

A MWF listening schedule for 30 days. All microlooping.

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#50

Fair enough. Do your thing.

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#51

That sounds like a title for me. Especially if I have to be around people. I used to get lots of hate for enjoying and vibing by myself at work! Mofos ran me out of a few jobs with their nonstop crab bucket environments.

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#52

That sounds like a negative environment thing, some people are happy and conditioned with the bare minimum. Ascension will get you up on out of that hole for yourself, even if you have to leave people behind for it.

#53

just say no

I used to envy people that could “stand on business”, the people that have a vision or idea and it withstands criticism. The ability to say “I hear you but imma do it anyway”.

That muscle is starting to flex!

And I always thought that it was arrogance and selfish to hear someone’s suggestions and actively disregard them. Who the hell am I to do that? Don’t I know other people are superior in being and knowledge? I must do what they say immediately or else. What am I expecting, a beating?

I mean that’s basic adulting. It’s good to be open minded and to consider other people’s opinions. But to do it reflexively and without resistance? Is that even allowed?

Why am I only discovering it now in my 40s?

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#54

Huh. Figured you were younger than me (36). Learn something new everyday.

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#55

locked in

Foundation is in, not felt any flinching in public nor shrinking of self. It’s holding up quite well. ST2 doing its thing but I’m still feeling sluggish. Might need a week off subs before restarting.

A few times where I should have been the weak one when faced with a “thug”, I held up and never one felt intimidated (They are scared of me!) Because the sun is out there are plenty of young bucks out here flexing and peacocking for the girls. I’ve decided to do something else - remain centred and grounded in my own universe. There’s no need to act out for anyone to prove masculinity.

This ST2 has the vibe of a divorced father figure - he’s been through some life changing horrendous shit, survived and now he’s just rebuilt his life. He’s just here to vibe.

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#56

Really liking my stack (LBFH, ST2) so much that I might order a custom with it and run it long term. It is the ultimate foundation builder - love for your self and building self respect.

Went to the big park by myself, got some street food and enjoyed the early summer observing the antics of other people. I got to see what other people do for sexual attraction like flexing their biceps, stomach rack, curves, titties and arse and said to myself "I’m sooo glad to be out of that silly game!"

I’m not playing for scraps anymore. I like myself a lot now, I don’t care for others approval - something I could never say at least a year ago. The self love and healing from LBFH had helped enormously here and I get treated like royalty - that park meal was supersized without asking.

Now the aim is to enjoy this cycle thoroughly, whilst having an eye on building my creative career. I can now say the survival era is now over.

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#57

One year before. What a change! Interesting to look back on struggling with stabilising, leaking out energy and fearing disapproval so intensely. Wanting the room to agree with my being before relaxing.

DRLD, Joy and especially New LBFH cured the above childhood behaviours within a cycle.

Now as a veteran of Ascension, I’m still scarred by the collapses and false beginnings of becoming a grounded man through previous runs. However it seems that the ST1 work is holding well.

I can’t pick out the various features just yet, although self worth independence and advanced planning for events and meetups are better. Zero people pleasing and validation seeking, less taking on other people’s emotional shit too. Attraction from a mindset of “I’m good either way”.

Beyond that, apart from building up is the unknown. What if success becomes normal? What happens if I actually fulfil my dreams?

#58

priority reconfiguring

It seems my priority is just to build myself, using Ascension ST2, increasing play to 3m and reaping the rewards of a clearer, more worthy self, more core self confidence and being more selective with my time and energy - I’ll not be attending any sort of art group events after my crit mauling and I won’t be missed, however my own friend circle desperately want to meet me this summer (ain’t that some shit?).

Lesson learned - don’t stay anywhere where I’m an afterthought. It isn’t “rude” and they’ll cope.

Romance is a disaster zone too, so I’m no longer willing to invest more time in it. I notice that I pursue the incompatible/unavailable ones, dating apps are a complete waste of time and it feels like a crapshoot - you get lucky/unlucky. So DreamBoi is getting cut down to once in a while.

Instead of chasing down romance, since no one is actually interested, my aim should be finding out what my unique spark is, the talent that no one else has that can unlock fulfillment, riches and purpose.

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#59

wtf

And like the tides, female attraction is back… and better than before. Women respond much stronger. Both Wanted and DreamBoi can’t even compare to this sub.

Several times women kept invading my space - when I sat, a girl with luggage was almost climbing into my seat. Then lip biting and flesh displays while simply walking through shopping centres and sat enjoying my own picnic. I still don’t understand it. It’s something to do with presence or some shit…

Ascension is giving me so much in terms of stability, gravity, inner boss swag and some big dick energy. I struggle with embodying other subs but this one is an absolute keeper. No more wasted effort, just quick “alpha” development for minimum effort.

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#60

I can’t figure this shit out.

It’s definitely WANTED coming out of my skin.

It has to be because when women hang around and are kneeling on seats to stand near me, that’s not DreamBoi territory.

All I had to do was let ST1 and ST2 play out. Nothing else.

I’m actually seeing delayed success because of this foundation I’ve been advising others to develop before.

I’m also embracing preppy chic - one button down polo shirt with shorts. It looks corny to others but it reflects me all over, nerdy, not trying to muscle flex.

Beginning to smile to myself because…

giphy (7)

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