Im an infj too and if im right she needs to feel your authentic self and a deep feeling of connection…
You could try imagine and using your energy that you both are one, feel that you fuse into one beeing.
Try diamond if you want…
I read that some people had this kind of experience when using it
Thanks for the info @Doc
I might give Diamond without the PP enchancment a go. Beyond that i am a bit afraid of whats on the other side. I am very disconnected to my authentic self.
Man. I wont elaborate further because i know that you as an INFJ people make you their therapist and that can exhaust the living F out of you. I wont do the same thing to you man 
thanks again
Your post made me question…
How your adventure with the Pop celebrity ended? It came to a grinding halt or did it fade out slowly…
And…
Diamond should take care of the pleasure of both…
Maybe it was diluted in the stack?
Celebrity faded a long time ago… she said that there was no challenge for her. That she knew i would not get attached and that she would be wasting her time if she tried to get anything serious. I agreed with her.
As for green eyes. My goal is not really to get her to get everything she is asking for. I enjoy making the other person feel great and that makes me feel great. If she is unable to feel that then its not on me to break down her walls and relax. Its her decision and i am happy regardless.
I was mearly qurious about what made her tick.
I see
Subs can do their “magic”…
But life rules take priority.
So things went kinda sideways with green eyes. She obviously liked me otherwise we wouldnt have meet so many times allready. However she keeps bugging me about letting go, being more relaxed and transparent etc. I suppose i was being to nice by indulging her. She also keeps furiously insisting that i dont interupt her while going on rants while talking…
Spinning around in circles without reaching the point. Classic Ni-Ti loop. Although i still enjoyed spending time with her. Yesterday she wanted to leave after i went to work. I was like ok ill trust you, then i find out she invited a friend over to my place… they hung out there and they left so naturally i asked why she thought that would be ok without my permission. She then gets angry and starting to justify it by saying its no big deal, i dont listen and that she is so angry she doesnt want to do something stupid.
She has been doing so many of these things where she asserts her dominance. Slowly cooking the frog alive, but she went too far by casually inviting someone i dont know to my place without my permission. Other than clothes all my important belongings were locked tight.
I had so much to say but i swallowed my words. Finished doing my buissnes and left her on read. She has texted 10 more times since then… i would tell her we shouldnt meet anymore but i would much rather keep ignoring her untill i feel otherwise.
is the first time someone infuriates me so much. I suppose thats what i signed up for when i knew she was an INFJ and a latina at that.
Anyhow back to work and im got a new number today. Well see where that leads to.
She doesn’t want to let go even during sex and expects you to let go? First red flag.
Feels pretty masculine to me and you definitely don’t want that . Second red flag.
Classic display of ltr feminism traits. At this point it’s safe to assume she just wants to dominate you and there is no need to complicate your life more.
My advice, don’t ignore her just let her go.
After calming down a bit and reading that. You are 100% correct sir. Thats what i did. The signs were clear but i thought i was above the law. That i have the magic formula that will make her act right and because shes so damn hot.
But no. I am not above the law, fix someone and i didnt become how i am by letting anyone walk over me.
It seems to me, from what i read in your journal, that the old Saiyan4blue wouldn’t have let a woman like this enter into his world in the past, much less disrespect him in this way.
Some kind of recon?
Different subs stack?
Just life experimentation?
Maybe you found your Nemesis? 
Excellent. I’ve read your journal and experienced the way you think so it was a bit of a surprise seeing you delay in doing the needful.
No one truly is above the law, you just leverage it to seem like you are. And you definitely don’t want to be the fixer.
It’s more like he’s difficult to handle and she’s not used to such energy but she likes what she feels. So instead of submitting, she wants to dominate the beast.
@Theacrobat you are correct. I have been feeling burnt out lately from repetitive days and over work. I am sleeping around 6 hours a day. Working 8 sometimes 11 and either swimming, doing cardio or hitting the gym. It could be that.
It could also be recon from the 4 zp subs. Or maybe i thought i was above the law and i could have built a relationship with her. Mostly i have been feeling lonely and i have lost many friends who moved away or drifted apart.
She was just a distraction that went on too long. I ended it and did what needed to be done. Now shes arguing with herself over the text going from apologizing to getting fustrated.
But i am done with her. Things right now feel like as if the pendulum have swong hard to the opposite direction and things have been going my way for a long time now. Its only natural. So i will lay low and trust in the process.
@Goldfinger you are correct as well. I think she did try to force me into becoming a beta provider. She crossed a line that no self respecting man could tolerate.
Very wise
After the burnout/recon i have been through i temoprarly stopped with all subliminal usage. Around yesterday i came to terms with new realisations. The mess i have been in reveald holes in my game, who i am and how i do things, which i was unaware of.
Having coming to terms with it and swearing vengance i feel alot stronger. It was exactly the challenge i needed. So i will do something probably dumb.
I am doubling down on the 4 ZP unholy stack in order to be met with more recon and then over come it and advance. Making solid money is normal now, getting hot girls is normal, eating in fancy places is normal as well… hell even working out in some way allost everyday is no longer a challenge.
There are many things i dont know and quite honestly i truly think i am a fool. I have the power, youth and the intellegence to to great things yet i am more or less average. I dont count making money or getting girls as something that makes me above average.
I do know one thing. The reason i came this far is because of pain which turns into anger and later into fuel for growth and calculated action. Is it unhealthy, possibly so but almost no one is ever fully healthy.
In other news i think that i have a stalker. Green eyes after realising its over she calmed down and accepted reality. I asked her to give me my hoodie back but she told me that her bff, which she told her many things about me, is now obsessed. Her bff och stole it from her and is apparently using it over her pillow every night before going to bed.
So yeah thats a new one. Life can be suprising and terrifying at times
I really like your journal man, just wanna ask if you are listening for the full 15 minutes each?
Green eyes is probably the one who is holding on to your hoodie. There’s no reason for her bff to do this, unless you were also in a relationship with her and she misses you. It’s alright, it’s just her way of coping with the loss. This isn’t a healthy way for her to get over the break up, but you probably have nothing to worry about having some dangerous stalker.
So next we are gonna see Sayan4Blue RELOADED
@lrw she has been upfront about everything since i met her which led me to give her the benifit of the doubt… B of the D for short but yeah her keeping it is the obvious explaination.
@Theacrobat still reloading atm before i can begin to believe
The 4 ZP recon is hitting me full force and its so obvious i am really in touch with it. To be frank i feel like absolute shit. The same worthless 16 year old who hates everything including himself. But my mind is completly disconnected with it which is why i can speak about is objectivly. What i feel and who i truly condsider myself to be are 2 different people.
The recon reveald that i am scared of being alone. I have been thinking non stop of an ex who was truly loved me unconditionally. We met few years back and it lasted 5 months. My emotions are compelling me to text her back and reconnect. I will not submit to that feeling. The reason i ended it was because i was too busy with work at the time and i wanted to set her free because she fought tooth and nail to make me hers…
Now my emotions are crying and begging to be with her again. They are disgenuine but i can barly tell the difference. The recon is tearing me apart but i know i can handle it and hopefully break through. I wont escape dealing with this baggage because it will always be there. I dont know who i am anymore. Its sink or swim at this point.
Ps its probably some form of an identity crisis. But its as dangerious as running away from it.
I love the recon on ZP. Don’t you?