Thank you for all the insights guys
@Athanaxos @mountainguy @Melior @Malkuth
I did some more introspection, and spent time alone with myself, talking to the “other me” for a while, and I realized (more like, got answers about it) where all this is coming from;
Ego
You see, for the longest time, I’ve used my high ego to achieve things, whether they were related to my body, popularity, success, romance, and life in general, using my ego as an instrument of pure ambition to stay at the pinnacle of humanity.
But guess what?
I’ve noticed that in the last few months of me diving deeper into the realm of the unknown has taken that away from me, or more like, it caused me to put my ego to sleep, with the realization of just how small I am in the vast universe, which is exactly why it’s mentioned so often on this forum to stay grounded, and that my friends, was my mistake.
You can’t possibly become the best in the world without being the biggest egoist, it’s the essence of getting things done no matter the cost, and that was exactly the kind of a person that I was (and still am deep down), but I slept.
It’s considered a virtue to be humble, to be more giving than taking, to be more patient, to be someone with only a healthy amount of confidence…
That’s not my true self.
I’m not trying to sound like an edgy dude or anything, but that’s just not how I operate.
I’m not the kind of a guy who can keep on winning in life if I act and be humble.
That hunger I lost, I didn’t lose it because I’m humble, I lost it because of everything associated with being less “self-oriented”, or as others used to refer to me, self-obsessed.
A few months back, when someone would compliment me, I’d say “I know”, now? I just reply with a humble response such as “I really appreciate your kind words, but I’m far from anything like that yet.”
It’s good, people like it, and it creates much more rapport and positivity around me, but it’s not like it didn’t before with how I was and used to be.
So in a sense, there’s nothing wrong with what I was doing previously, it was just a phase and I had to allow myself to detach from that egoistic mindset in order to grasp such spiritual concepts in a better way, however, I spent enough time exploring, and with all the knowledge I gained, I’m content.
As for what’s next, I shall walk the path of superiority again, and use it to blaze that flame of ambition and hunger even more than ever before.
As much as I love myself, there are different kinds of self-love (in my opinion), and my previous method seemed to be the better kind, as it allowed me to embody my own limitless potential, while as the past few months, I was more interested in helping others with their potential, which is good, and could be done simultaneously, however, knowing how I operate on extremes, I have to ultimately decide on one of the two routes, and this time, I’m choosing myself 
Which is also why I’m not gonna run Khan for the time being, as I realize that the way I express it, is a kind of power that is outwards, and it’s very sexual and social, and due to that, I end up focusing more on others than myself, and yes, I know I mentioned how much power I felt on it and my own potential a few posts ago, but it’s pretty much an undeniable fact that this loss of ego has been in line with the duration I’ve been on Khan.
