Eternal Void - an Invictus journal

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#108

I’m back to square one :slight_smile:

I focused on spiritual growth, as well as the exploration of the unknown, felt good, but realized it was time to now go back to focusing on my body, as I had lost some weight and dropped to 68kg (my peak with EF being 74kg at 10.5% body fat) and was disappointed in my size.

But now that I’m trying my best, I feel like something is off, something deep inside me that was once there, is not anymore.
I wanna grow, I really wanna fucking grow, I’ve been pissed about it, and I’ve been putting even more work in the gym, as well as with my diet, and it’s just not feeling the same.

It’s like, I’m winning in every part of my life;

  • I’ve become even more open-minded and learned things I wouldn’t have been able to grasp before.

  • I’ve become an extremely high value individual, that the Olympics staff are excited to have me work with them and say that with calls on an almost daily basis (I start next Monday), while as the tourism council staff are telling me how it’s so unfortunate that I’m leaving cause they already miss my presence and high vibes.

  • I’ve reached a point in my relationship with my girl where I’m 100% certain that she’s the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with, and not only does she add value to my life by supporting me in everything I do, but she herself has been making me so proud of the woman she’s evolving into, that I just can’t help but fall even more in love with her.

  • and lastly, every friend I currently have is a blessing in disguise, and even @SaintSovereign, I can’t thank you enough for always giving me words of wisdom that help me out a ton every day.

So now I wonder: where did I go wrong?!
Why is the one thing that I have the most love for, feels so out of grasp?
Why am I feeling like a loser in the gym?
Why am I getting weaker?

I don’t like this.
And I’m trying to change it, but I don’t know what to do anymore

11 Likes
#109

How are you training usually?

Also remember that your mind through your brain use a lot of ressources, and it can tire your nervous system (that’s why intellectual people spending a lot of ressource thinking or as you challenging themselves mentally can really have a hard time recover physically, don’t underestimate how much your brain can use ressources)

Therefore intense usage of subs can make your nervous system tired too in theory

I experienced it in other forms
Could it be a sign to tone down for some time or take some rest

It wouldn’t mean that you lost your high flow factor :wink:

2 Likes
#110

Cool experiments ! That is what i like about entps, their experimental nature and good/hilarious insights.

Have you tried, the forge and/or Achilles heel? I am planning to include them in my to-be upgraded custom as they are very good for gaining clarity and growth.

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#111

That’s the thing, my training hasn’t changed much from September, up until yesterday when I got pissed off and went back to start with the basics, as that’s how bad it looks to me now.

So now I’m training with a novice/beginner strength program, no more extra volume or fancy things, so in a way,

I’m doing exactly this, along with a few days of no subs for the time being.

Thing is, whenever I run a sub now, everything goes well; I get manifestations, I get inner growth, I get aura effects, I get mental enhancement, all the good stuff, and the only missing thing is now my physical body, as not only did I drop in weight, I also lost strength (keep in mind I was lifting more than my own body weight at one point).

No I haven’t, however, when you go through alpha subs such as Khan, and allow yourself to dive deeper within your psyche, you’ll gain insights, hence me even opening up about it all.

Don’t get me wrong, I still look 10x better than I did before starting subs here, but I just don’t look like my best anymore.

3 Likes
#112

I may not help you learn anything but just in case checking a few boxes here :

Volume usually works mechanically on the fibers of the muscle and strength on the capacity of the nervous system

Even if you don’t feel especially tired the second one is more often more taxing because it simply needs a lot more time to fully go back to optimal level (around 7 but more like 10 days - especially after a cycle of strength)

One simply can’t train as often strength than volume, someone training for hypertrophy should go for 3-5 days of training but someone purely for strength should optimally do strength 1-3 times a week

The most optimal way is to throw a mix of the two

For Wich exercices tho I can’t remember sry mate too many programs I’ve made or seen in between :woozy_face:

Accostumance? But in a weird way?
Anyway I’m sure that after some rest you’ll be back up, there is so many little parameter than can play into it

2 Likes
#113

Is there any wealth module you’d credit this to?

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#114

Could be that it’s more of a mental thing and it’s time for you to add in a new skill to your workout or something, so that it continues to feel like an inspiring challenge.

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#115

Hence why I dropped my training days to just 4 as well.

But from the introspection I’ve been doing, it seems like the issue isn’t really related to energy or mental resources, but more so about me and ambition.

A flame has died, for no apparent reason.

Nope, there’s nothing in the custom for wealth haha (just general manifestation stuff).

That’s the thing, I feel like I was diving so much into other things, that I have lost touch with flame that was ignited in my heart for bodybuilding, heck I even wanted to take steroids and compete this year, but now, I just train from a discipline standpoint, and do it because it’s a part of my day.

I’ve noticed that for some reason, I now workout just because it’s something I’ve always done, every other “pushing” factor I had just seems to be lost somewhere.

Like I’d much rather sit in my car and explore topics related to mysticism, rather than go to gym right now, even though I can, I’d rather go at night.

6 Likes
#116

What was it before with working out that made you so deeply ravenous and starvingly obsessive about it? Can you still relate to that feeling, and feel that kind of hunger? Has the hunger changed, in any way?

1 Like
#117

This might not be a popular opinion, but I’ve always had the opinion that certain levels of “drive” are imbalanced by nature, and best only used for matters that truly have value to your life. Perhaps on some level you have decided that you have other places you need to put that energy, or you have decided to remain in a more balanced place.

Just spitballing.

Alternatively you could look into some more esoteric training for strength. Iron Shirt Chi Kung, Tendon Nei Kung and Bone Marrow Nei Kung spring to mind as being able to deliver amazing power without a focus on muscle building.

3 Likes
#118

Then it’s probably because you’re onto another chapter of your life simply

I had this same period for the last 2 years and it stopped 9 month ago
And honestly mixing sport/workout with spirituality is a harder mix than it looks like, especially of you’re the all in type like I am

Workout can seem really useless if you dwelve on spiritual/mystic matters

I did lost a lot of weight too when on that journey so I wouldn’t worry except if it start to go really far into the weight-loss or the hermit attitude

Just keep yourself on check!

Also a bit more by intuition :
Maybe it’s also just a sign that you need to find another source for that flame because the precedent one was not the best for you (especially if you considered taking roids with your heart condition, it simply could have caused your premature death really…)

2 Likes
#119

I was alluding to this. Maybe you’ve simply outgrown the old level, and need a new one - which may or may not include Berserk-level training for a Final Boss fight :wink:

What was it before that pushed you towards physical prowess? And how do you feel about that right now?

Also, there may be overthinking involved. Have you tried to apply some RoM and see if that resolves the issue, one way or another? :grin:

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#120

Do you remember what led you to become inspired in the first place?

How did it happen the first time?

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#121

Thank you for all the insights guys
@Athanaxos @mountainguy @Melior @Malkuth

I did some more introspection, and spent time alone with myself, talking to the “other me” for a while, and I realized (more like, got answers about it) where all this is coming from;
Ego

You see, for the longest time, I’ve used my high ego to achieve things, whether they were related to my body, popularity, success, romance, and life in general, using my ego as an instrument of pure ambition to stay at the pinnacle of humanity.

But guess what?
I’ve noticed that in the last few months of me diving deeper into the realm of the unknown has taken that away from me, or more like, it caused me to put my ego to sleep, with the realization of just how small I am in the vast universe, which is exactly why it’s mentioned so often on this forum to stay grounded, and that my friends, was my mistake.

You can’t possibly become the best in the world without being the biggest egoist, it’s the essence of getting things done no matter the cost, and that was exactly the kind of a person that I was (and still am deep down), but I slept.

It’s considered a virtue to be humble, to be more giving than taking, to be more patient, to be someone with only a healthy amount of confidence…

That’s not my true self.
I’m not trying to sound like an edgy dude or anything, but that’s just not how I operate.
I’m not the kind of a guy who can keep on winning in life if I act and be humble.
That hunger I lost, I didn’t lose it because I’m humble, I lost it because of everything associated with being less “self-oriented”, or as others used to refer to me, self-obsessed.

A few months back, when someone would compliment me, I’d say “I know”, now? I just reply with a humble response such as “I really appreciate your kind words, but I’m far from anything like that yet.”

It’s good, people like it, and it creates much more rapport and positivity around me, but it’s not like it didn’t before with how I was and used to be.

So in a sense, there’s nothing wrong with what I was doing previously, it was just a phase and I had to allow myself to detach from that egoistic mindset in order to grasp such spiritual concepts in a better way, however, I spent enough time exploring, and with all the knowledge I gained, I’m content.

As for what’s next, I shall walk the path of superiority again, and use it to blaze that flame of ambition and hunger even more than ever before.

As much as I love myself, there are different kinds of self-love (in my opinion), and my previous method seemed to be the better kind, as it allowed me to embody my own limitless potential, while as the past few months, I was more interested in helping others with their potential, which is good, and could be done simultaneously, however, knowing how I operate on extremes, I have to ultimately decide on one of the two routes, and this time, I’m choosing myself :call_me_hand:t4:

Which is also why I’m not gonna run Khan for the time being, as I realize that the way I express it, is a kind of power that is outwards, and it’s very sexual and social, and due to that, I end up focusing more on others than myself, and yes, I know I mentioned how much power I felt on it and my own potential a few posts ago, but it’s pretty much an undeniable fact that this loss of ego has been in line with the duration I’ve been on Khan.

10 Likes
#122

Very well said, I always enjoy reading your journals. Seeing the most experienced members share their introspective thoughts always inspires me to continue digging deeper myself.

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#123

Sometimes (often) this type of effect is temporary.

You have to give some time for your energy and awareness to fill up the newly-enlarged worldview and space of which you’ve now become aware. Just stay basically active (as you are already doing). You’ll find that the capacity for intensity returns. One trick is to keep a special eye out for situations (and other things) that seem to speak to you or inspire you.

Those situations will continually shift as you keep evolving. The 5-year-old can be motivated to work very hard by the promise of ice cream at the end of the labor. The 65-year-old may be motivated to work by the promise of seeing children living in better homes and safer circumstances. The rewards shift based on what you are seeing/understanding and on how it affects you. But there are common threads of continuity that connect the 5-year-old to the 35-year-old to the 85-year-old. Don’t worry. It’s not all just sacrifice and endings. Just need some time to get reoriented.

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#124

Happy to hear that you reached insight regarding the flame! Very inspiring! :fire:

And I was just thinking… you’ll be able to reach even higher now than previously since your spiritual roots have grown and reached deeper for a while. And who can really say that using Ego as the nexus for personal growth and development is a bad thing? It’s neither good nor bad - it’s just a mode of operation! It all depends on the end result, no? :wink:

Indeed, the mere virtue of you being You and reaching (your) higher potential, is a kind of unintended and unspoken global permission slip for others to do the same. Once a world record is broken… others realize that they can aspire to reach the same level too, right?

Are you not “giving” to others, simply by just you doing You? :blush:

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#125

And with all that concluded, as well as now me knowing where to head next, I’m gonna ask @RVconsultant or @DarkPhilosopher to close this journal :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

A new one will start soon, which is fitting as I’m starting my new job on Monday as well :partying_face:

In the meantime…
Here

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#126

Here’s the new journal:

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#127