Emperor Q+House of Medici - [Stacked]

Journals - Major Programs
#18

This is all Emperor

I’ve noticed today how many beliefs I took from my father. It’s crazy how I’ve emulated him in so many ways. Right down to the work I do now, damn near the same company and industry.

What’s fucked up is — the more I really focus on moving forward with goals that get my juices flowing, all I feel is fear.

It’s like being locked indoors with no light and finally stepping out into an open field. I wonder now how many of my beliefs and values are truly my own. And how much of it is me moving towards or away from the image of my father.

Another thing that’s come up is sex. My dad had so many women, so so many. He spent lots of time spent chasing money and p*ssy. I’m the end he ended up with plenty of both but was deeply unhappy and lonely in many ways.

Looking back it all feels like so much energy wasted — that could have been focused on really accomplishing things that make life more rewarding.

For myself, I’d like to have more sex with fewer partners who are higher quality — instead of the other way around which is what I have now.

I’d much rather have one or two lovers, one being the ideal.

Another thing, I realize in the last 10-15 years so much of my life has been lived in what feels like darkness. In the sense that I wasn’t living from “my truth”…god that sounds so much like a bunch of new age hipster bullshit but…I get it now.

The life I was living really wasn’t my own. Don’t get wrong I still had a great fcking time — but I was more a passenger than the driver. At best a groupie just coming along for the ride.

He’s dead now…and I’m still trying to please him.

That shit is over.

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#19

@Apollo, that’s interesting, will definitely be looking out for the same. I don’t want to lose the small bit of social savvy I have.

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#20

I’ve been listening to Emperor solo, already have my goals for 2021. Signing up for salsa classes. Will also start going to my favorite gay bar again once or twice a month. The caliber of women that come in are consistent and pretty high quality.

Plus — almost zero competition:)

I woke up several times from a dream. Felt like someone was chipping away at what looked like light green glass from my solar plexis. But I was “inside” my chest looking out.

Woke up at 5:57 this morning and first thought was I need to hit the bathroom then get to work on my goals.

Super focused.

Earlier I mentioned feeling intense rage, that is now an energy in my chest just moving forward.

Feels like it’s building.

And I also feel nervousness and a bit of fear. Think it s fear of the unknown, of finally being in the drivers seat.

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#21

So, shortly after my last post I had a total freak out moment.

A buddy and I were visiting another friend, we played pool and later bowled a little. I just wasn’t present for the first part and while bowling didn’t feel the need to engage. I lost the first round of bowling badly. The second half I just focused a little and won, same happened with pool.

It wasn’t till later I realized this was about conservation of energy, not even physical necessarily but a psychic/emotional energy.

So when seeing friends or in groups, I thought Emperor was making me anti-social. But now I see it’s about conserving vital energy for the important things.

This is all hindsight.

At some point my energy went a bit haywire and I didn’t have that grounded clarity. So instead of stepping back and taking a day or two off I ordered Dragon Reborn and Stark Q.

Then listened to StarkQ Terminus, StarkQ Ultima and Dragon ST1 almost non-stop for 2-3 days.

Total avoidance.

In a moment of reconciliation I moved away from what felt like to much… freedom. To truly feel like I can accomplish damn near anything I focus my intention and energy on was in that moment, more than I could handle at a deep foundational level.

I’m going back to Emperor, and to optimize my results think I need to focus on one or two subs.

One unusual thing did come out of this, when listening to StarkQ and Dragon Reborn this thing kept coming up where I just had to be right in conversation. This morning I had a dream that highlighted how I make decisions. It’s hard to explain but I was able to see the way I had to be right in conversation bled through to everything else, including the way I made decisions.

Instead of gathering and evaluating my decisions based on available evidence it was almost always emotional. I’ve been blessed to have moments on intuitive insight, even then I would choose emotionally instead of following my intuition which in every single case has always proven right.

It was very insightful, now I have to decide what will happen with my stack. For now definitely focusing on Emperor. Also subsonic seems to do better for me than masked. But time and experimentation will tell.

A random thought came to me. If I wanted to lose 40lbs – the safest way to lose weight, keep it off and hopefully avoid saggy skin would be to lose about 1lb a week. Which would take about 40 weeks give or take.

I’m applying the same mindset to these Subs. It took years to build up all these thoughts, feelings and behaviors that no longer serve me. I’ve got to at the very least focus on one primary sub for 6-12 months. The goal isn’t just to lose the “weight” but to keep it off long term. And the only way I can do that is to evolve and perhaps even change some things completely.

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#22

Few changes — I’ve decided to drop HoM for now. However will keep the journal so I don’t have multiples and I’m experimenting a bit. Will definitely come back to it.

I’ve been running Stark Ultima and Commander Ultima only while sleeping, I use headphones on low volume and loop them. During the day I run Emperor and experimenting with dragon reborn.

Personally I don’t like the idea of running more than 1-2 subs tops. But my gut/intuition wouldn’t let this idea go. What I previously thought was just a knee jerk reaction to reconciliation was actually a solution to help me get past my resistance on Emperor.

I also got Libertine because something about having sexual tension helps a lot with work. It’s effective but not in the way I thought. Will definitely have to experiment more.

On the current mix the very next day, while still in that space between waking and sleep I had an image of myself with wings leaping out of bed ready for battle.

Minutes later I was up and it’s been YEARS since I’ve been this productive…YEARS.

Maybe just a fluke.

Next day, I remember waking and hearing myself say “time to get it” from the moment my eyes opened in was non-stop action.

Difficult conversations I’d been avoiding, done. I thought about and before I could stop myself I was already reaching out. If I didn’t get them on the phone fired off an email. I knew what I wanted to say and the outcome I was looking for.

I made a list of 116 things that needed to be done and just started knocking them out. And these were bigger things not like doing laundry or other chores.

Frankly it’s a bit unsettling.

But I see how having these things “out there” has tied up my energy. I haven’t been truly focused. And I’m learning again how to say to no. Not just to other people or projects but also to myself.

I was going back and forth about joining a gym, had an assistant from the app research things and had her order a kettlebell.

No excuse now not to work out.And the thought of gym or no gym is now a non-issue…next.

I see now how much of a coward I was in so many ways. I avoided difficult conversations that would have an impact. But was very comfortable arguing about just stupid shit. I avoided dealing with difficult emotions, people, situations…anything that could force me to be uncomfortable in a meaningful way but would eventually catapult me forward.

Fuck that.

In the movie Swimming with Sharks there’s a scene where the centra question is “What do you really want” — I see now how I’ve avoided answering that question. Changing it to please someone whether it was a girlfriend, ex-wife, parent, friend didn’t matter.

I wasn’t afraid of being polarizing — I just do it for stupid shit that just did.not.matter.

Not one bit.

And because of that avoidance I’ve suffered. Looking back there’s no one to blame. I can’t even be mad because looking forward I get to write my own ticket and truly OWN all of my fuck-ups.

And the successes.

Everything in my life, every relationship, everything I own, owe and who I am…I’m completely responsible for.

That’s fucking wild you know?

Other things that have come up, I don’t have anger km the same way. For situations where I would have anger I’m now able to identify the true emotion and deal with it/move forward.

I also have been hiding less emotionally. Now I just need to figure out what I really want. And once I do make no apologies or excuses for it.

If I want it — I’m gonna have it. Just gotta put in the work.

4 Likes
#23

Things have been a bit crazy internally. This current stack is working wonders.

Stark Ultima and Commander Ultima at night while sleeping — looped all night.

Dragon Reborn ST 1 and Emperor Q looped throughout the day, roughly 6x each.

My level of productivity has been insane, no other way to put it. My confidence has shot up as has the way I think about myself. I feel a push pull with my “normal” self vs my new way of thinking, feeling and behaving.

People find me funnier for some reason, I’m at ease with myself, have been thinking of myself in terms of leadership roles. Who do I need to be in order to have a role that allows me to positively influence a larger number of people.

Looking at my skills and strengths, I’m sure something will come to me.

As for my goals I have more money naturally, also becoming more mindful of how I use my time and resources.

Insanely focused on hitting my primary goal be end of first quarter 2021.

Short of death nothing will stop me.

Working out everyday and eating better.

The one curious thing I’ve noticed, when I drink and/or don’t get enough sleep I become scattered and my energy is off.

Will see what effect removing alcohol and developing healthier sleep habits will have.

So far though, this stack is fcking amazing.

Also, now when I test run a loop of Libertine Ultima it seems to have the effect I was looking for — hard to describe but…somethings stirs inside. Then it’s like I’m on the same wave length as women/people I meet.

This whole thing is just so whoa.

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#24

so about 3-4 hours each?

You sleep with headphones or have Ultima on speakers?

that is incredible you can handle that volume.

I’m running something similar now with custom Emperor and DR stage 1 and loving it. .

Great to hear about the awesome results, shifts, and drive your experience.

#25

I use headphones on low volume and usually run each sub for 3 hours. For some reason 4 hasn’t felt right for me. 3 loops is my sweet spot.

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#26

I think it helps to have spent a few weeks with Emperor + HoM. With a heavy bias towards Emperor.

I really think Dragon Reborn is helping smooth out any reconciliation. I really feel if I didn’t have DR my experience would be completely different.

Will look up your journal, really interested hear about your results as well.

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#27

Welcome to StarkU. :smile:

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#28

I’ve just skimmed and haven’t pored closely over your whole journey. But if I’m reading this right, you’re experiencing a major shift primarily after introducing Dragon Reborn. Is that fair to say?

#29

That’s Stark? I wondered where that was coming from. :joy:

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#30

Dragon Reborn has significantly reduced the levels of reconciliation. In situations where I’d run away or freak out, I just move forward.

Still feel the reconciliation coming up but instead of being “stuck” for hours or days it’s seconds or minutes.

It’s as if things a being cleaned out to make space for the other programming.

There seems to be this magical symbiosis happening with my current stack.

3 Likes
#31

Something happened last week that I’ve been hesitant to mention.

For a full day, I felt like it was my divine right and duty to rule. Feeling like literally I descended from the heavens and this was my life’s purpose.

There was an…energy…like nothing I’ve ever felt before that poured into me, and the thought was all consuming.

Imagine if someone came up to you and asked something you knew with absolute certainty. Like your name, gender at birth, the language you speak.

One that day if you asked, I was more sure of this divine right to rule than anything else. Although I obviously know my name and such, this was times a 100 in terms of certainty.

It went way beyond confidence, it was a “knowing” with absolutely every ounce of my being.

Years ago I remember reading about rulers from different empires who thought the were descended from heaven. I remember thinking that was complete bullshit, either they were high or people were afraid of being murdered.

After this experience I can totally see how holding that belief felt like. And beyond what it feels like to have every decision in alignment with a core belief.

All of the other limiting beliefs I have, if removed from the core would remove any self sabotaging actions the stem from it. So I don’t need to work on everything and a few core beliefs and replace them with something better.

4 Likes
#32

That is likely Emperor and Commanders effects.

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#33

It’s one hell of a combo — O didn’t realize that’s what a Emperor/Commander match up would be like.

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#34

Today kept having the thought “I’d make a good prime minister.” Later in the day I met a friend for lunch, he started a tech company 3 years ago and looking to expand operations.

In the middle of our conversation he gives me this look and says you know, you should really start your own tech company. 15 years I’ve know him and he’s never commented on me starting any businesses.

Also interesting how other people defer to or are somehow put off by me.

As for business I’ve had two solid ideas today. One scalable domestically and internationally the other potentially domestic only.

It’s weird how business ideas come to me and most get rejected if the can’t impact a large number of people.

Lastly, Libertine…that shit works.

7 Likes
#35

Seriously think I’m going back to Emperor solo for a week or so then add HoM.

The boost of productivity from Stark Ultima + Commander was great. However I don’t feel as solid as before.

Also had a few solid ideas for starting a charity. Something like that just feels like it needs to be self funding/self sustaining. Maybe along the lines of Nuru which is my favorite charity. Stark has helped me generate incredible ideas that if executed can truly have an impact on the lives of a number of people.

However I don’t feel the fire to consistently execute work through whatever challenges to get it done.

So at this point I need to really focus on one or two subs. Stark while much more in line with my natural personality leaves me feeling to passive.

I’ve gotten so many positive effects from Dragon Reborn think I’ll run all levels with Emperor before moving back to HoM.

Damn shame Emperor and Stark don’t play well together. That combination would be a absolute beast on so many levels.

Also,I’ve started on martial arts again. This time Krav Maga and Libre (knife) Fighting, really think that was Stark at play.

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#36

Same here. I wonder if we could get the same solid, inner confidence, feeling in EQ, but with AM.

I like Stark but it doesn’t seem compatible with EQ.

1 Like
#37

@SaintSovereign
@Fire

A Stark/Emperor Hybrid that jives well :money_mouth_face::thinking::man_shrugging:

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