Elixir- The start of a new journey

[planeswalker]

I noticed a sedative effect when I did this sub, I just bought it yesterday. I decided to intuitively switch out Limit Destroyer with Elixir, since I’ve been running LD for quite some time now. I think it’s helped, but maybe switching it up a bit will help further. I don’t really have things that need to be “dug up” since I’ve already been doing that. I think based on my counselling session feedback I’ve been working towards real progress on trauma, but it’s not that I haven’t identified them, but that they hurt and overwhelm me so much that it’s had effects on my physical health.

My doctor once told me that I’ve experienced more stressful events than what three people go through in a lifetime, so while it hurts to work through trauma, I am not afraid to go there if it means I can stop feeling this way. It’s just that there’s always more lol. I did experience a lot of reconciliation I guess when I started SC, but hopefully I’ve made it past the worst of it because I notice at this point I have pushed myself to develop better coping strategies.

I’m not exactly sure how this sub will help different, but I got a sense this focuses more on barriers preventing healing, and I think that needs my focus before I delve into success oriented subs. I’m so over trying to mash myself into molds I don’t fit into because I THINK I know what I want, but what I really want is just to enjoy my life and find myself doing things I love. And my thing is that I am sort of identifying what those things are, but my brain is all messed up because I’m recovering from a major depressive relapse, and to pursue anything I need to cultivate the will to. I’ve recovered from a breakdown before using meditation and subs. I do believe that the will is key above all else in healing. Hence why I got back into subs, because I figured if I can hack into my subconscious and change my mind, it would be a lot easier.

My dad taught me some advanced visualization and mental programming techniques that I didn’t really appreciate growing up or think they were important until I was an adult and studied these things for myself. Now I understand his constant insistence on the power of the subconscious mind. There was a time where my being able to use this would mean life or death and the only resource available to me. I just use subs because it makes the rest of the work easier. Less mental resistance, more able to work out the axioms of change that will have the biggest impact, etc.

But truly, if your will and desire to change is literally all you have, if you can make that part of your mind work for you, and stay consistent with nurturing it, then you’re golden.

Could be said also that will and desire are key to a lot of things, but for me, healing is where I have to start. I’m also running Paragon, and Ascension for Women.

[RVconsultant]

What is your listening schedule as in how many loops per week for each title?

[planeswalker]

Per week:

Elixir and Paragon ZP x2
Ascension for Women Ultima x2

Rough estimate, but I try to do at least 4-5 days a week, ultima title only on seperate days from the to ZP titles. Been using Paragon and Limit Destroyer titles since February/March. Added in Lady-Ascension a little after that. I have kept with that pattern but there’s days where I forget or maybe I’ll do only one of the ZP titles, or don’t listen for a few days. Seems like this way I’m pacing my listening but generally have had decent exposure.

I keep a logbook of when I use them, in a journal I have a monthly calendar spread I just put a mark down for which ones I did. Then just notes in the side column of stuff I have observed. I planned on sharing some notes here eventually, been documenting over several months.

Interestingly enough my counsellor knew me before I started using subs or practicing my meditation techniques and she has told me she is really happy for me right now, made a surprising amount of progress and that I seem to be processing the things we work on well, and I show initiative to keep sessions focused. Key obeservation she made was “you are in control, it looks like.” Encouraging to hear.

[planeswalker]

There are techniques where you can learn to go in yourself, access the subconscious levels to get your mind to work for you. But I sort of think of subs like going to an IV lounge. In theory, having the scripting enter your subconscious awareness instantaneously, it’s a lot faster than doing it session by session, although both are valuable and it was traditional methods that probably lead me to this. I’m grateful that these programs exist. Especially considering that we receive so much input in our daily lives that can interfere with our personal goals and dreams, it is an opportunity to do something to enrich oneself and resist pressure of random external factors that don’t serve us.

[planeswalker]

Ugh, had a lot more reconciliation this week. Lots of days where I felt tired, and just depressed, but also sort of leaning into creative stuff. But, I’ve been proactive about it.

I am noticing a lot of inner dialogue I never had before. Some impressive inner work, and a lot more motivation to do things in general. I’ve also been cooking a lot.

Since I started subliminals, I don’t think I mentioned previously, that I found my Holy Grail project. It’s something I can get started on immediately as well… if I can get my ass to writing and designing, I will be making progress toward the vision I have had for so many years that I felt was just out of my reach. So I’m interested to see how things are going to shape up over the coming months. What I need now is passion. MORE POWAH BABY

[planeswalker]

Alright well, non-ZP titles you can’t download anymore, so there’s that. I guess I will switch to all ZP titles. I think I was going off old instructions from a few months ago and thought I could only run a max of 2 ZP titles in a stack. I wonder if the tech has changed and I could redownload my other files…

Took a couple days break involuntarily. Seems like I am seeing a bit more energy and motivation overall, so I’d say whatever effect they’re having is good, but I wonder if me getting a bit lazier with them is not really a bad thing and I’m just taking time right now to recon more than normal. Still think I’ve been healthy, took all my vitamins, ate a healthy dinner. Six months ago I felt so incapable of taking one healthy action and that is with increased workload.

I am doing a return to work because I’ve been disabled by this depressive relapse. I actually found an employer willing to hire me part time while I figure this out. One more chance to have my career back. In the beginning of May they started to put a bit of pressure on me to increase my hours and taking action has helped. I’m not fully functioning I guess, often still run out of “spoons” as we call it in the chronic pain/fatigue/mental health support community, but I have a lot more of them since January.

Strange. I was watching a video on Wu-Wei and about not forcing things, and I talked to my friend today and apparently he was watching vids on Wu-Wei philosophy too. Weird coincidence, but cool to talk to someone about going with the flow of nature and acting in the moment and then trusting in the result.

[planeswalker]

I might start a new thread after this post to shift focus on my experience. I did find it really interesting how certain perspectives shifted, but part of the process lead me to identify once again what I referred to as the “axioms of change” that are going to give me the biggest impact.

So, I replaced Ascension for Women with Limitless Executive. I think that is probably going to give me more of the desired effect. It’s Ascension has been great for me, and I’ll probably come back to it again at some point because I noticed myself finally being the bitch I need to be. It has been a little jarring for some people in my life, but I think they also understand that this attitude is much healthier for me and are supportive. I have a friend who is a former marine and he’s been helping me better deal with conflict and get me to not be so nice to people who don’t deserve it, and even when I tell him he’s being an asshole, I get this sense that he’s actually happy for me that I am fighting back and am able to articulate better who I am, what I stand for, and what I can’t stand. When I tell him to F off, he says he’s proud of me so there’s that lol.

Also I noticed a very big spike in my interest in connecting with my friends again, and while when I started using subs I was very agoraphobic, I started reaching out, making plans and being a more supportive friend, trying to repair the neglect of my relationships when I was so depressed I just bailed every time. I have been communicating now that I am here, and I want to be someone that can be relied upon by them, and I noticed people have been really receptive toward me extending the olive branch… even it that does scare the crap out of me because I am committing myself to things I need to follow through on.

Anyways, I want to alter the direction now towards more acting on new goals, and I’m hoping that Limitless Exec will help me do that. We’ll see, I mean anything that could make me be more productive would be a literal miracle in my life. I need to start doing certain things to get everything moving, and having just a bit of inspiration to make it easier to start I am hoping will make a difference.

[planeswalker]

Hey what’s up all. I am still making observations, and it’s been a while since I’ve updated. A veritable shitload of stuff got unleashed since I changed to a new stack. Maybe it’s just life, or maybe… No, I definitely set certain intentions.

I am a bit bewildered and also amazed.

First of all, I will just say that from here on out, I will be making a new journal in the Women’s section because I’ve cycled through a lot of the titles now. Since last time I posted, I have changed to using Mogul, Limitless Executive and Ascension for Women. and finally gave into using some of the women’s ones because I think there’s probably some valuable stuff there for me currently. I take this as a sign the other ones have generally worked, and I’m just sort of working on refining certain aspects more. I also found myself falling for a good friend, although I am pretty sure he and I were into each other all along the timing was never right to act on it. He would be warm one second, and then disappear for a while and turn up again so I thought meh he’s got his own stuff going on, no big deal.
Through all this time he’s known me though, he has been someone I felt really calm around. He also never judged me based on mental health issues I was clearly struggling with. He has seen me get upset, defensive, etc. which I figured would be enough to keep him at a distance.
I never saw us getting together so I just sort of was honest about the whole mess. Now I am stable and getting treatment, and for some reason I share all this with him. Initially I did with a few of my close friends because they supported me and I wanted to let them know I appreciate them in my life, so I let them know that I am making healthy choices and I just want them to feel happy to not worry as much because I know they put a lot of time and love into keeping me safe.

I’ve always thought of him as an incredibly attractive guy and admired him for his character. Just a great person, with lot of similar interests, and I just kind of kept kicking myself for even thinking about it because he deserves to be happy with a nice girl who isn’t crazy. But then I realize I am doing a LOT better now, and guess who has been there throughout my entire recovery… It’s strange to even think about what it has been like from his perspective. But he reminds me all the time, “you have to believe” and has somehow engineered a way to always bring me back down to his level.

SO, once I make my new journal, I am going to use Ascension, Seductress and Mogul. Seductress because this man has shown me so much love and patience that I want to be the best I can be to him if there’s a future there, he’s a kind of person I never thought I’d feel the way I do about.

I recently picked up Mogul and as soon as I started running it I had a pretty life-changing and significant windfall, which sort of allows me time to invest in myself and my future, and well time is definitely not linear because a friend I made years ago is now working in a field that he is in a position to give me a lot of advice and resources, and he said I’d do it for you because you hooked me up and were good to me before I found my own success. I remember choking up in our conference call because business aside, he asked me “how are you doing? How is everything?” I have nothing to say, because things have been bad.

Limitless Executive I started to run in hopes that it would make me more productive at work, but it did the opposite and I was MORE distracted thinking about other opportunities to the point where I got canned. It’s been a rough couple of years with jobs, and I honestly think it’s just the job I hate so much, but I feel so stressed that my brain cannot imagine an alternative that is good and healthy for me. All I have ever known how to do is cope as well as I can in shitty situations until I inevitably break down and then spend time recovering. I sort of take it that that subs are working because my survival instinct and fear that drive me is no longer kicking in, and it’s not that I don’t care about what will happen, it’s that I no longer feel like this is the only option for me. I got other talents and skills I could apply in a job, and I have faith that the opportunity is out there.

After my sudden success with Mogul, I stopped subs for a couple of weeks because I think I was a little freaked out. But now I am getting back to it because I NEED the push to make the next part of my life mean something. I got my get out of jail free card, but I have to do the work to make the most of it, but to do that I need to call on all of the inner resources I have, hopefully with the help of scripting, to make it happen.

I just want to live a bit, I think it’s time I did.