Focus.
Again.
ST3 will be the stage where the engine revs up to full power, with extremely powerful manifestations and unbreakable concentration, productivity and desire.
On ST3, you will exponentially become more and more wealthy and focused on your path.
Your desire for riches will be fully actualized and turned into a powerful fire that will propel you on your journey of abundance.
this is the focus right now
this is it
Interesting things happening mentally.
Please share if any of it is expressable.
A bunch of internal sensations of movement and change that I did not bother trying to parse.
I seem to notice (faintly and beneath the surface) a sense of coalescence and solidity. We will see.
I do have tasks to do these days, so I will have ample opportunity to see how this works out in practice.
Going through older forum posts from time to time to glean useful insights.
Here is one from Alexander (does not seem to be here anymore).
Responding to someone who, excited about the healing potential of self-compassion affirmations, was requesting a possible Self-Love subliminal.
He points to the open-ended nature of the Subliminal Club subliminals–designed to adapt to and work together with your own existing mind and nature to facilitate your development in the chosen direction.
on the path of Malkuth, your building projects are your spiritual practice
Value
What, currently, is the highest value service or product that I can offer? What are my means to enhancing that value?
Genuine knowledge, confidence, and pride in the value of what you are offering is one of the foundations of wealth.
You should, yourself, be impressed with what you are offering, excited by it.
Mantra
For me, one purpose of mantra is to bring my attention back to useful principles that are currently difficult for me to engage.
Mantra for today (and for these days):
Relax
Easy and enjoyable
Get it done
Fuck goals
What PROCESSES can I love?
Breathe
I like the specificity of “processes”. Sounds like goals are a given and you’re looking at examples of your internal goals already.
Yes. Exactly so.
Healing Healing Healing
Trying to improve my life
Fighting my limitations
Grateful that in spite of my limitations I’ve been able to get as far as I have
And, fuck it, grateful for my limitations too; because Fuck You, Despair. Fuck you, Regret. You guys can go fuck yourselves.
Grateful for existence. Grateful for everything I’ve been given. Grateful for life.
Fighting
So, 19 days into Ecstasy of Gold stage 3.
My listening is organized around EoG stage 3 and Emperor. I’ve also tried out a taste of the stacking modules. First, Limit Destroyer and Rebirth; and then, Aura and Godlike Masculinity. All but Sanguine.
But the primary focus is on Ecstasy of Gold and Emperor. On an ideal day, I have listened to 10.5 hours of EoG and 6 hours of Emperor. So, I’m definitely listening through the night, to make that possible.
I purchased this:
It’s corny, but it works. I’ll use it for now.
Have experienced a number of things today that seem possibly to be reconciliation.
Irritability, self-doubt, sore throat.
Could be. Difficult to say conclusively.
I threw down a gauntlet for myself, somewhat. The first task on my list of plans has been to write a research proposal. This is also encouraged/pressured by my job. I’ve designed it to meet both internal and external requirements at the same time. My job currently represents about 99% of my career and income strategy. In my envisioned scenario, it represents about 20 to 25%. I plan/hope to keep it for the near to mid-future, but I’d like to gradually limit/contain its reach.
So, it’s kind of interesting. The proposal is not directly a wealth-building activity, but it’s the first step in my wealth-building plan. On the one hand, as mentioned, it adds to my job security; but more than that, I’ve selected a topic and focus that are related to the area I’m planning to move into. Basically, I’m using this required activity as an opportunity to learn as much as possible about the area in which I’d like to develop business.
For those who are interested in magick, I did a working last year to the angel Damebiah, one of the Shemhamphorash who aids in business development and business ideas. A bit after that I found that I had an inspiring idea for something I would like to do. So, since then, that has been my plan. It has of course evolved a bit, but the core is stable. Thank you, Damebiah!
I figure that if I conduct research on this, and if I attend workshops or conferences related to it, that will provide opportunities for learning, for inspiration, for making connections, etc. So, it’s what I’m keeping in mind now. Trying to make this step enjoyable and (yes) easy, has been a point of focus and is sometimes challenging. For those who are triggered by the word ‘easy’, I might be using it in a unique way.
A couple of years ago, I decided to seriously apply myself to lifting weights, and I eventually worked up to a 270 pound bench press. (I was proud of that accomplishment. I’m 5’8 and started out at about 150 pounds. Of course, all the weightlifting changed that, and I’m now about 170 pounds with some fat around the middle.). The point is, I found that to be easy. I didn’t do the whole Eye of the Tiger, no guts no glory approach. As long as I have music that moves me, I’m good. So, I’d choose the right music for my emotional state. And I’d just go through the steps. Increase 5 pounds every week. Eat a certain amount of macronutrients to optimize muscle gain. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
That was easy. So, by easy, I don’t mean no effort. I mean no conflicted effort, not working against my own nature, and a steady sense of motivation. I’ve worked against my nature for so much of my life that work (even intense hard work) that is in line with my nature, feels easy.
The trick for me is to find ways to make it easy. Find a way to line my nature up with what I’m trying to do (or vice versa).
It’s been about 55% successful with this first project.
This is long. So, I’ll stop here.
Frame.
Having the strength to hold your frame.
Choosing and clarifying your values so that you are holding a good frame, and not just being a dickhead who holds his frame for the sake of being masculine.
Linking the small day-to-day moments with the big picture–that big frame that is always good.
Forces from within and from without, people, desires, powers, ideas–these are like the winds always blowing, this way and that. A skillful sailor can tack–using wind from any direction to push him in the direction that he has chosen.
I feel a slight strength increase as the Emperor energy is slightly internalized in my being, and now here I go feeling myself. The road ahead is long. But here’s the thing, it is important to reinforce and remember that frame. That desired state to which this is all directed.
So that’s what I’m doing.
Victim
I remember that one day, about 12 years ago, I was walking down a street to go handle some tasks. I was in a reflective state of mind, and suddenly the following thought came to me: ‘The most dangerous person in this world is the person who believes s/he is a victim. S/he is so focused on the harm being done to her/him, that s/he will not be able to perceive the harm that s/he is causing.’
I’d felt weak, and weaker than others, throughout life. I saw myself as fighting and working to overcome this. Where possible I tried to do so through creating external changes, and where I couldn’t, I worked to increase my internal flexibility, acceptance, and resilience. But there was an identity of victimhood associated with that feeling of weakness; there was a sense of working to overcome obstacles that I’d been born with, or that I had acquired without my conscious choice.
If you want to be a person who is not abusing and harming others, it is important that you not overly identify as a victim, and that you own and recognize the power that you already do have. (Ethics, at root, is the intentional governance of power). That was an important insight for me. It occurred to me that many of the harms that I had done (and still do) to others, were done without my intention or awareness; and that that does not lessen their causal impact one bit. Identifying as a victim increases the chances that you’ll cause even more harm without realizing it.
Somehow this comes back to me today. I work to upgrade my perceptual software so that no matter my circumstances, I do not accept this primitive framework of victim vs. oppressor, loser vs. winner. I aspire to be larger-minded than such simplistic, dichotomous views. I want grain, nuance, detail.
Egoic orientation itself is a necessary convention, but one to ultimately outgrow. To use ‘me vs. not-me’ as the overarching framework for contextualizing phenomena (as we all do) is as ludicrous as dividing up the world and deciding that all people live in either ‘Brooklyn’ or ‘the non-Brooklyn’. Silly. But, oh so human a thing to do.
The fact that I experienced a painful limitation, and through healing, fortune, and effort am now able to work through that limitation, does not mean that anyone necessarily owes me anything. Others are going through their own processes of growth, suffering, and learning.
Neither nature nor people ‘owe me’ care and compassion. On the other hand, it is wise to offer care because it leads to a better outcome for everyone. It’s not owed, but it is warranted. For me and from me.
Thoughts today.
Now, on Emperor, I’m having experiences that seem possibly to be reconciliation. Maybe also from Ecstasy of Gold stage 3.
This makes sense to me since both of these subs carry me into new areas. The previous stages of EoG were more familiar territory. I can see how Emperor would present a challenging workout to my mind and nervous system.
One thing that arose was Doubt. Thoughts and feelings of doubt. Peaked last night. I’ve had such feelings before, so it’s tricky to know if it’s really reconciliation or not. But I’m thinking it probably is. Also as mentioned, I got sick, sore throat and lethargy. Couple of days ago, I felt pretty irritable. I usually feel irritable when my immune system is under attack, but this had more spikes of anger in it.
Thinking about actions to take on the conscious side. Emperor to me is about focused pursuit of goals and vision. About making the moves to establish what you’ve dreamed.
So, for action, I think I can just keep following through on this life plan that I’ve been creating. And also when a new idea comes to me I’ll take action on it, if it’s a good one. My children are on winter break from school. This morning as I meditated, it came to me to bring my son with me to my office. It’s an isolated office, a small room of my own. So, I did. He stayed with me for a few hours, and now he’s off to his next place.
vision. personal ambition. determination. piercing like the eyes of an eagle. these feel like the energy I’m picking up from Emperor.
I’m glad that I’m combining Ecstasy of Gold stage 3 with Emperor. It feels like a powerful combination. I’m about 3 weeks in and, according to my plan, I have 10 more weeks to go. At that point, the plan is to switch to EoG stage 4 and maintain Emperor. From March until the end of August.
So now, back to work.
At the same time, since starting this stage I also get these periods of pleasant stimulation and euphoria.
(am in one right now, actually.)
The daoist in me knows that these periods are organically connected to the challenge and doubt. They feel like the crests and troughs of ocean waves.
