Dream:
In one of my dreams, the father topic picked up. I do not have any beef with him, never really felt that I had a present father figure, a guide, a responsible adult that I could go to, a safety net, emotional, mental and financial. Everything was on my mother’s shoulders, which she is still going through that cycle, so is he, with his incompetence and uncaring nature. I see them, and most people as they are, hold on, let me unmount of my glorious steed for a moment, there we go; as I was saying (no, no, thank you, this mic is fine, just be sure to capture my good side as I move to that other side) as I was saying, I see them as the children that they once were, the same kids in your school, high school, university all the way to leaders of nations and industries, the same very people, often more beaten down, miserable, and deceitful, so used to the darkness they know no other way. How could they when we keep reinforcing all these habits and clinging to our persona’s reality. Abandoning ship is not something easily done; of course, such is not the case everywhere, but it mostly is, a trained response from all the spiritual beating. As such, they are as they are, still having their own egos and personal struggles, in their own paths. I don’t know why I have been feeling this way since I was a child, detachment, even to my mother, which, I don’t know, didn’t feel that sense of sheltered motherhood, I know she sacrificed and still is and I do hold love to her, but in a deeper sense, I don’t feel a sense of possessiveness towards them, oh well.
So In this dream, I was with him and I felt an intense sense of anger, my whole body was hot, and I was slipping in and out of the dream, to the point where I was seeing thr dream and my bed in two imposed visions, that’s when I knew it’s just a dream. I wanted him to apologize or show some gratitude, there was a whole speech from me, who else is going to speak volumes, during that speech his face was colored with guilt and shame and showed some images of the face of someone else that I harbored some anger towards, but it shifted back, and he would move his mouth to apologize and I got even more disappointed, because it’s not me that wants that, it’s for my mother, I have so forgone past my identity, yet I do play the role sometimes for their sake and the sake of the family; less so since DR (maturity scripting I suppose) if I keep maturing at this rate, I’ll over ripe, then who would want this overly sweet banana 
all caramelized, hard but easily swallow able (freaking Khan black 
). Then I woke up from the dream, I got bored and so hot.
I woke up with a raging sexual energy and anger, but I didn’t act upon either. While Journaling and recalling my dreams, I realized the negative displacement taking place. I literally saw the word in bold white font
N E G A T I V I T Y D I S P L A C E R
That influx of energy was tremendous, I was moving all night long and in the morning, I made certain not get caught up in “it” though sexual thoughts and imageries were manifesting vividly, but I felt a surge of will power to move and direct that energy towards something else, so the women because beautiful mosaics, they then turned to distant objects with no projections what so ever, then to something spiritual, then I said okay; fuck it, I have work to do.
