Doing something

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Just ran a full loop of Genesis and Dragon Reborn Limit Destroyer back to back.

Feeling a bit like a caged animal. I hurt my back the other day, it’s getting better but it has depressed me with bad sleep. I’m going to do a water fast, currently nearly 14 hours in, no idea how long I’ll make it, I usually cave within 24 hours. Something tells me to do this for 3 full days. A kick start to a healthier way of living.

Not sure what I’m planning to do with the subs, I’m hoping Genesis can help guide me. I thought I might spam this space with thoughts rather than blabber on in the product discussion topics.

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#2

Feeling more fearless today. Kind of in the sick of myself, I don’t give a fuck, mood though, so not vibing the best.

I’ve always been attracted to the stoics and their philosophy of life. I like the discipline aspect but I was wondering if I like making myself suffer for no real benefit.

I feel like I should be making some type of plan but what I really want is to get into a type of flow state. I have more urge to make purchases. I have some things I need.

My social anxiety has been bad probably from not enough stimulation. Got to get out more, even a walk would help. I’m going to start going to bed early and waking early and see where that takes me.

The fast continues at 16 hours. No real hunger or urge to eat. Just will keep doing stretches and foam rolling and try to improve my fucked back. I’ve been here before with same problem and it eventually comes good.

#3

Still fasting,nearly 21 hours. Pretty tempting to give in and 20 hours is about my limit. I’ll keep going, see if the hunger goes away although I don’t like my chances because there’s some tasty food I can eat.

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#4

Stoicism is not the same as sadism. The idea of the Stoics was to transform life into a flourishing, well lived one (eudaemonia). To do that required the ability to rise about negative emotions and more than anything to persevere in spite of problems.

Do ya think that might have something to do with the mood? :wink:

Good luck with the fast.

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#5

Yeah that’s it man. I need to adopt stoic principles to my life. Always getting swept up in the emotions of things outside my control. The past few years made it worse. I don’t think I’m sadistic more masochistic I think is the term. Similar I guess but self-directed rather than towards others.

Yeah, could have been that lol. I’ll probably only listen twice a week. This back issue is getting on my nerves too. Luckily it’s getting better and I should be able to sleep better than the past few nights. I feel like those loops have put so much thought and ideas into my head though and now I’ve just got to sort through things the best I can until I find meaning and a path to follow.

Thanks, I however broke the fast at 22 hours. I wanted to get through to bedtime without eating but I caved. Tomorrow I’ll start eating more plain single ingredient foods. What I eat is something in my control as a good stoic would recognise :blush:

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#6

I also watched some porn but had no will whatsoever to have a wank. I did plan to but I don’t know what happened, I kind of lost interest. I wonder if that is related to the subs. I think it might be, I’ve been a bit more aware of self-destructive behaviour since starting to listen to Genesis. I’m losing interest faster in this type of stuff, like starting arguments and things like that. I started listening about a week or so ago.

#7

At this point, I’m almost 100% sure that it’s because of DR:LD. there are a lot of people on its main thread reporting the same thing that you experienced, including me.

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#8

How are you today?

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#9

That’s awesome. I’m so sick of all that porn shit anyway, it can’t be good for anything and is a certain pitfall. That was my first loop yesterday of the sub. Luckily I had the old limit destroyer and got the free upgrade.

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#10

Feeling good today emotionally. Physically back still sore. Slept like absolute crap, having a million dreams. Finishing a fencing job today, not very hard work so back should be ok. Thanks for asking, I’ll update later if I have any thoughts throughout the day.

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#11

Good day, maybe I should be sleeping less because I felt more alert and energetic with the 5-6 hours sleep. I did try to get up early but failed. I was learning about the 5am club a while back on 4 minute books but I can’t seem to get up earlier than 6-6:30 which is my natural wake up time. It doesn’t give me enough time to do all those things I’d like such as meditation and journalling. The book calls for 20/20/20 rule which I think was 20 mins of exercise, 20 of meditation and 20 of journalling or reading. It’s a good idea except for the exercise, F that at 5am.

Feeling like I could use some more input from the subs. I might do some loops again tomorrow if I’m still feeling good. Maybe try a 5 minute loop of each sub.

Ppl have been good to me today, I try my best to forgive and accept their self centredness because we all have a perception of ourselves being the centre of reality, just some are more aware of it than others. I think that’s the flow state I spoke of wanting, it’s also a desire to keep the ego in check. Sometimes I wish I could just have a break from myself :joy: I think I used to get offended about ppl making everything about themselves because I wanted everything to be about me. Probably not much to these thoughts though, I kind of just like rambling about shit here, it’s helping me.

#12

Had a bunch of dreams, feeling a bit fragile today and will likely skip the subs to let processing complete. Finally slept properly without back pain waking me up when I move. It’s about 80-85% better now and I’m grateful for that. Nothing much happening today, I’ll probably stay home and tidy up a bit. Might get out for a walk or a bike ride. I put a fair offer in on an eBay item yesterday and heard nothing back. It will expire today. I’m a bit disappointed because it’s something I need. If I don’t get response, on principle I won’t buy full price even though it’s not much above my offer. Like if you put make an offer option surely you’re going to be happy with 250 if list price is 260. Anyway if it’s not meant to be then that’s fine.

#13

Went for long walk, probably about 90 minutes. Feeling kind of tired. Woke up with that sand in eyes had a million dreams sub recon. Thinking about trying a micro loop to see if it snaps me out of this state, just as an experiment. The more tools and methods at disposal for each situation would be great.

I got some equipment organised for tomorrow as I’m cutting down a small tree. I sharpened the chainsaw and mixed some fuel to give it a test run. It’s ready to go. I’ll get the tree back home and mulch it with an electric mulcher and dispose of it myself to save dumping fees.

Still fucked is my back though, god damn it. No porn use yesterday or today. It’s usually a daily thing but I’ve really gone off it since that DRLD loop. A weird sort of day, I feel a bit underlying sadness but also a quiet optimism and contentment. It feels like everything is as it should be and I don’t have to fight so hard to have everything as I want it .

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#14

I layed on the bed and did a 3/3 minutes loop of Genesis / DR:LD.

It kind of settled me down. My brain slowed down from a million thoughts a minute to feeling ready to go to sleep.

I’m going to eat a bowl of breakfast cereal and watch TV. I notice not much has interested me since starting these subs. A lot of the old websites I’d lurk on I can’t be bothered with. Just all toxic shit a bit like porn, used for an emotional fix. I need social media for work but I’ve been doing next to no scrolling compared to usual. The tv just sucks too, I barely watch that. I’m running out of stuff to do lol :joy: I just may have to take up meditation, reading and learning. It seems like a better option.

#15

Omg this dream I had.

I finished up at a sporting event and dropped into a Kmart with my daughter to get some stuff. She was slow and I was getting angry at her. All of a sudden I couldn’t see but then realised I forgot to take my sunglasses off. There were ppl everywhere and I couldn’t move around freely, struggling to find soap. Every time I thought I’d found it, it merged into some different product.

Eventually we got out of there and I saw this African dude I knew from the sporting event. My daughter had now switched from my daughter to a different person, my friend, and I didn’t notice. The African guy was going back to the car with his family and I said to my friend, let’s play a joke and sit in the car with them and see if they notice.

So we sit in the back seat, me on the window side. He starts the car getting ready to go and my friend says something to him about the joke but for some reason he can’t hear us. I open the door slightly, at this time he’s already driving and he starts getting angry at his family over the door warning light. They’re all checking doors like we’re not there still. He says who cares and keeps driving so I shut the door.

This car was a cheap ass Chinese SUV 4x4 and he started driving really fast around these long bending roads. I looked at my friend who was petrified and said I knew I’d die in some stupid way like this. He flew behind this other car that was driving normally before abruptly turning the car off-road driving through the bush. We drove through several waterways where I thought we’d hit depth where the car would submerge. I was ready to put the window down to escape. But the car got through all of them and I turned to my friend and said what the absolute F, these Chinese crap are actually good.

Eventually we arrived at a beach and there was a huge rock with hundreds of crocodiles. I thought shit, this doesn’t look good, lucky we got through those waterways. Then I looked over at the beach and there were about 40 kids there all holding hands in small circles dancing creepily. At that time I woke up feeling a bit weird.

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#16

So yeah tha dream shook me up a bit but today I felt way more free than usual. Almost happy one might say lol

So yeah I had a few problems with the tree job and usually when things don’t go right I get myself into a bit of a sweaty mess. But today I kept it together and solved each issue at a time, I didn’t have anxiety fuelled sweat dripping from my forehead and chin :sweat_smile:

Finally got the job done and cleaned up. Very easy money in the grand scheme of things. It’s great ppl pay well for easy jobs.

I also picked up two more jobs which came out of the blue. One tomorrow and hopefully the other Friday if nothing holds me up. I wonder if Genesis is manifesting those extra jobs. Either way I can’t complain lol. I’m still getting an insurance payout too, I’m not spose to be working but I couldn’t keep waiting. I’m going to write a letter and explain the new situation and clear my worries without the fear of legal issues. I just want to work.

That’s about it, the 3/3 min loops seemed to be a winner although they kicked in a bit stronger than expected, especially considering those dreams I had. I have them all night long but I remembered that one because it happened just as I was waking up.

#17

I was ready to sleep at 8pm and should have gone to bed. Instead stayed up and watched porn twice. Got to sleep a bit before midnight but didn’t sleep that good. Woke at 5:55, seeing these numbers more lately.

I’m feeling pretty good today though, seemingly being more alert and energised on 5-6 hours sleep. I’m trimming hedges today, it shouldn’t take long. I’m so grateful for this work I do. I love the hours and being my own boss. I’m never going to make a million dollars but the pay to hours worked ratio is pretty good.

So I’ll probably do full loops later today because I’ll undoubtedly sleep well tonight to get through all those dreams :joy:

I’m not feeling as insightful as I was, I think the porn was a setback but I won’t let that bother me. After today’s loops, I might take a mini washout until next week. I’ll see how I’m feeling though.

#18

My back was hurting a bit so I took an early lunch. Did two loops while sitting in ute. Damn that zapped the life out of me lol. In future, don’t listen while at work. So yeah, definitely time for a washout and then start next week with a more structured approach. Been loving typing random crap here in this journal but I might take a short break from it. I think I need better life structure and goals with plans for the subs to be the best they can be. I’ll do the notepad stuff for a bit and figure out some ideas and plans. I’ve got a huge list of stuff to do, I know I’ll feel better getting all that out of the way and I have been with the help of these subs. Slowly chipping away at the tasks that I normally push to the back of my mind and procrastinate on but now I’m realising from listening to these subs that the things I avoid places a low level but constant tension on me. So the show goes on, I’ll get through this week and start a new subliminal cycle with some new life structure plans next week.