Digging myself out of a hole - A Q Journey


#41

DAY19

Really hating Monday meetings. Played 1 loop of SanguineU as soon as I woke up. I noticed that it’s been a habit of mine lately to just play SanguineU as soon as I get up. Will probably experiment over the weekend what may happen if I don’t play it.

Already played 2 loops of my wealth custom today, and am currently listening to BLU. As of now, I’m thinking of the various scenarios on how today’s meeting would turn out. Though to be honest, if it doesn’t involve any of my projects past present or future, then I really don’t care. Tbh, I feel like I just might zone out really.


#42

DAY19 (update)

Somehow, after the meeting, I felt like my project will again be handed over to someone else, and I’d be left looking for other projects to work on. It’s been like this since I started with this company. I’ve always been looking for things to work on, always looking for ways to prove myself, always looking for something to do, but when it’s working and the grunt work is done, my boss conveniently passes it on to someone else.

I wish it were done in a good way. But just like last week, it’s either just dumped on the curb, or whoever is supposed to handle it next doesn’t have a frigging clue on how to make it work or even improve it. And then 3 years later, I get asked about it.

Right now, I’m just going back to learning. I still have vouchers to 3 more exams I can take. Hopefully I pass them all. But first, I need to prepare…


#43

Perhaps it is time to switch to a better company! If you have dealt with this for three years then that is not good at all.


#44

I have been filling up applications online and even having multiple interviews. However, none have yet to give me an offer. In all honesty, after all the let downs, negative responses and even the non responses, I feel like I’m stuck with this one for now. Even if I wanted to just get up and leave, I just can’t because i still have a family to feed and support.


#45

DAY20

Ran 3 loops of QL ST4 last night. Also played 1 loop each of SanguineU and BLU today. Am currently listening to my 3rd loop of my health custom.

At work, I just monitored my project and checked if there was any problems. Was planning on finding ways to improve the performance, but after what’s been going on the past week, I felt like I didn’t want to make it faster if someone is going to be handling it anyway.

Was filing a few work applications online. And at the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but think of small ways to sabotage things at work. I know it’s wrong and such, but a part of me just wants to leave AND give a middle finger without them realizing what just happened.

Made some improvement with the online course I’m taking now. Was able to finish half a chapter today. It was big for me as the whole chapter consisted of over 150 slides and 2 labs. Am now at slide 90 and just finished the first lab. Am hoping to be able to pass the exam in 2 months, but I also don’t want to really rush things. I want to be able to feel confident in myself first (something that was lacking the last time I took an exam).


#46

Interesting. I was looking at a similar Custom merging Ascended Mogul & Stark together for the Masculine and Alpha Male benefits.

Looking forward to see where they’ll bring you in the long-run.


#47

DAY21

Ran 3 loops of MogulQ last night. Listened to SanguineU first thing in the morning, then played another 3 loops of my wealth custom.

Work project seems to be working as expected. No errors and seems to be processing better than expected. Aside from monitoring it, I didn’t really do anything office related today.

Finished the 1st module of the training I’m working on. Just need to do the 2nd lab.

Am currently looking for things to add to my blog. Wishing that Adsense would get back to me soon about my application.

Received another rejection email today. It’s really depressing working for a company that doesn’t really reward its employees that well. And it’s even more depressing when no other company is willing to hire you. And yet, here I am, still filling up online applications… Oh well.


#48

DAY22

Found myself binge watching Youtube TED Talk videos last night. And now, I feel compelled to read up on the Silva method. Somehow, I recall that book at my parents’ house when I was a kid. Not sure why, but I feel like I need to read it.

Played BLU 1st thing in the morning instead of my usual SanguineU routine as I had an interview earlier. Pay range isn’t as good as I hoped, but still competitive. Though not sure how the meeting went as it was with someone from HR, and not from the hiring team. Though at least I got an interview, which is better than just getting a rejection letter or no reply at all.


#49

I was about 12 when the same thing happened to me, I read the book and did some mind exercises with my dad.
Once in a while I remember that experience as the seed that opened a new world, a world in wich I live now.


#50

DAY22(update)

Lazy day really. Aside from the interview this morning, I had no Thursday meeting as my manager was busy with other matters and decided to skip today’s meetings.

Still hating on my job and the company I work for. So I just checked on the progress of the system I’m working on. Since there were no errors and everything seemed to be in order, I just decided to read up on the Silva Method.

Played 4 loops of my health custom, and will be playing a few loops of MogulQ tonight. Even if my office work is going back to where I don’t give a crap, I’m starting to have other ideas for my blog, newer content to write about, and expanding it.

Not sure why, but all of a sudden, I just felt that I wanted to be a person well-known in my field. Not necessarily an expert, but someone who a lot of people go to. Maybe it’s the Stark or Dominion component of my subs, or maybe something else. But looking back, this is actually one of the reasons why I started my blog in the first place.


#51

DAY23

Woke up much later than I hoped as kids didn’t have school today. Instead of playing my usual SanguineU, I just finished playing BLU instead. I don’t know why, but I felt that I just needed the extra brain boost today.

Speaking of brain boost, I just received an email from Adsense saying that they finished evaluating my blog and, although they didn’t specify any reason, they just said

“unfortunately your site isn’t ready to show ads at this time. There are some issues which need fixing before your site is ready to show ads.”

The good thing about this, I think, is that they did not outright reject my application. I can request for another review of my site once I “fix” whatever they think is wrong.

So without knowing what to really do about it, I decided to “beautify” my blog instead. Before, I just kept on adding more content, more pictures, more data, etc. So my home page looked like just one looooonnnggg piece of articles stacked on top of another. Now, it’s a lot better as I added “jump breaks” to force the readers to actually visit the post. I also added a “Pages” gadget so that the reader can easily browse through the post based on the topic.

I’m actually planning on adding more content either later today or tomorrow, but it may be a longer post than usual as even I found the topic I’m planning to write about a bit difficult to understand.

As for work, well, I haven’t actually checked my system today. Was still thinking of “sabotaging” this but then, they’re just thoughts. And why the hell would I really do it when I still have no where else to go?


#52

DAY23(update)

Played 4 loops of my wealth custom throughout the day. Without playing SanguineU today, I noticed that it was a lot easier for me to get angry. Not sure if it’s more reconciliation or because SanguineU really helps calm me down.

Not sure if it’s been bingeing too much on YouTube TED talks but I’ve been day dreaming about going up on stage talking to a lot of people. As for the topic, I really don’t know. But in my mind, I’ve been seeing myself behind a podium with lights focused at me, and with many people intently looking at me.

The thing is, I was once a trainer for a company I used to work for. They needed some trainers and picked me because I was good at what I did back then. And though I knew the topic I was teaching, I just couldn’t fully impart that knowledge to a class of 20. And here I am daydreaming about presenting to hundreds of people…


#53

How do you like your Wealth Sub?


#54

Honestly? I don’t know really. Office-related productivity is going down. But ideas for projects (both personal and work) are popping up every now and then. Yesterday I got an interview with one company I applied for, and next week I have another one for a different company.

Also, I just received this month’s electric bill and though it’s about 20% more than usual (because of the heat and because we rarely leave home), I wasn’t too bummed about it. Before any increase in bills really hits me hard. And though my finances are still the same, I don’t feel the same toward money.

So although I haven’t won anything, received any new bonuses, or even a pay raise, I am feeling much better towards money. So I can’t say the sub is working. And yet, I also cannot say it’s not working. I hope this makes sense to you @Floridianninja.


#55

Ya that makes a lot of sense honestly, do you see any synergy with stark and am happening yet besides money wise?

I am using emperor for the last 2 months but i hit a brick wall atm and life is all over the place but i have this itch to switch my custom and build a new one with Emperor and stark bc i love both of them. I also want to experiment and see if i can guide them to balance each other out or meet in the middle somehow. It would be awesome to have the warrior mindset of Emperor with the creativity and social fame of Stark. That would honestly be an ultimate mix of subs.


#56

This is a really good commercial for Sanguine.

I think it may be time for me to invest in it.

Seems like it may function like WD40 for people running heavy stacks.


#57

Well, I do feel that I’m standing up to myself a lot more at work. Before, I’d just accept whatever my boss asks me to do. Now, I check first if I can do it, and if I can do it, at what time frame can I finish it? What do I need to do before doing it? Can someone else do it? Those are the questions that normally pop up in my head during meetings now, and I ask my boss questions similar to those whenever I feel like what he’s asking me is unreasonable, or if someone can do it.

Also, I feel “sparks of creativity” popping up. And this “drive” to excel and to be well known, I’d have to attribute to Stark.

As for standing up for myself, I’m not so sure it it’s just Stark or AM, or maybe it can also be attributed to Dominion, EOG, Leader of Men or Sultan (as they are also in my custom).

Yes this would be an awesome mix. However, for me, when I tried Emperor, I was very very moody, and easily frustrated at work and even with my personal affairs. This is not good if you have a family of your own. This is why I opted not to add Emperor to my custom. And yet, somehow, I feel that both Dominion, Sultan, and Leader of Men, are actually bringing out my frustrations and causing the same reconciliation I had when I was running Emperor (although not to the same degree).


#58

Oh it’s already written on the sales page for Sanguine.


#59

That it is. Just went and read it.

I’ve always ignored this title because I felt I was already too sanguine. Wasn’t getting much reconciliation and so on.

Now seems to be a new phase. a) The heaviness of my stack, b) the fact that some of the titles are truly locking in closer to my core and core issues, and c) just normal dealing with life.

Found myself in excessive anger about a week ago. Coming down too hard on my son. Felt less than skillful. And I’m not sure he benefits very much from that crap. As a parent, there’s an even greater need to have a handle on this kind of thing.

I pulled back somewhat on my listening since then. But maybe Sanguine can help me to maintain the amount of listening to which I’ve grown accustomed. Generally, I’d prefer to push through. But only if it will not hurt my people.


#60

Same here. I’m very stubborn with regards to that. And I like pushing myself to my limits a lot. But when it goes way past my limits, either I step back, or I look for other ways. And personally, for me, SanguineU is that other way.