Yeah. Feels like reconciliation to me too. Although, I really can’t say why as I’m almost done supposedly.
I just read your entire journal. I’m on Kahn myself, ST1, and am glad to see honest communications in journals. I’m considering adding QL as well. It was a good long read, and I feel at ease knowing challenges will come, though they won’t stop me.
Thanks for sharing this with us 
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In life, whether or not you use subs, challenges will always come. It’s just a matter of how you deal with them. However, with the help of subs like Khan, I believe you will be equipped to meet those challenges.
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Yeah, I wasn’t specific. The stage descriptions openly say each stage is not easy, and I’ve read some user’s experiences with confronting people, or approaching women, etc. Basically, the stuff I’ve found every reason and avenue to avoid doing. These challenges have always been there, but I’ve not had that voice in my ear urging me on. Those challenges, as reported by others, are not unique, and they actually moved through them.
But one day at a time here.
That makes more sense. Hehehe. Yeah. I also noticed almost the same thing from other users. As most people here say, action is still the key. Doing something whether it results to anything or not is better than doing nothing.
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Yeah, I took some action this afternoon. It wasn’t reasonable just yet, I changed back, but I did something.
I read @Friday’s journal and how he jumped from Kahn ST1 straight to ST4. Reading his thread inspired the hell out of me. So I went to the Kahn sales page, read over ST4, then downloaded it onto my PC. I listened to one loop. I began reading @myspace123’s thread after this, and it gave me a reminder of the pain I’d been in and me jumping around from sub to sub, not producing results. So, I took ST4 out after the one loop and resumed ST1, Regen, and GM.
I’m realizing I jumped since Regen is doing some work on me, as some surfaced already, and I journaled here about it.
I wasn’t looking for major change by jumping to ST4. I was trying to jump over my pain. Fuck, I don’t like pain. As I wrote that last sentence, small tears leaked out. I’ve been avoiding some change today, and resisting it hurts more. Allowing the pain to be felt feels better than the avoidance of it. A lot better.
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The only people I know of (not personally) who love pain are in S&M and that’s a different kind of pain. But yeah. Most avoid it. I even avoid it when I can. But pain, hurt, anger, jealousy, sadness and every other negative emotion needs to be felt, else it will only grow stronger until everything pours out.
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Dang, that’s true. I know from lots of experience. It’s gotta come out.
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ST4 DAY29
Feeling fat as fuck. All these holiday meals and treats just make me lose my resolve. Add to the fact that I haven’t worked out due to all the hectic holiday schedule, I gained almost 10 lbs from all the food I’ve been consuming.
Weird but I’ve been getting reconciliation so late in the program. Aside from anger, I suddenly remember things in the past I would love to forget. Because of this, I may continue with ST4 for another week or so.
Wife’s been getting antsy lately again. Either her monthly thing is coming up again or she’s also getting fed up with her dad staying here with us. In either case, when she’s lashing out at me for no reason, I just ask her what her problem is and continue on with what I’m doing. Seems like I’m feeling more in control in the relationship, and wife is trying her best to undermine that.
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@d1gz she’s not undermining the relationship, she’s probably testing you again to see if you will react with anger. Since you’re in control, it’ll be fine. Remember with Khan, you’re becoming her Colossus.
@Michel, no not undermine the relationship. What I meant was undermine my control over the relationship. I think that she’s not used to me being like this, being so much in control. Before, I’d always let her have her way. But lately, I’ve been imposing my will more and more, and I feel like she’s trying her best to bring back the old status quo. But, I wouldn’t let it. This is the new status quo. I am in charge.
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She’ll be secretly pleased that you’re bringing the heel down on the relationship. Yes she’s going to be annoyingly persistent with the tests until she feels she’s got a rock solid partner to lean on.
I won’t be surprised to learn that she will be all over you in a few months time.
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That’s actually what is happening now. There’s been times when she’s been all over me, trying to be so damn affectionate towards me. While other times she’s been so damned hard to live with, always looking for things to get mad at. I feel like, she both wants me to be in control, while also having control over me (I’m not sure if this makes any sense). But yeah, that’s why (aside from the reconciliation happening now), I feel it best to run ST4 a week or 2 more.
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ST4 DAY30
After 4 months, I can say that I tried and did what I could to achieve what I set out to do. Things I’ve learned:
- 30 days per stage is not enough. I feel like I need to spend more time on each again. Maybe in the future when I decide to do this again, I will take 45 or more days per stage. I feel like I rushed it a bit, especially the first 2 stages as I feel a little bit of reconciliation cropping up.
- My attitude towards money seems to have changed a bit. I no longer feel dread every time I look at my bills. Although I wish I could have more ways to achieve financial independence.
- I’ve learned to be more assertive. Though sometimes I dread to speak up, I still do speak my mind especially when I know that something’s not right.
On a side note, my wife just fought with her dad. Though I really don’t like my dad-in-law, I don’t understand why all of a sudden my wife started hating him too. Could it be because my dislike for him has rubbed on to her or is it because unconsciously I’ve been sending out signals to my wife about it, or could it be because she knows she can’t run her B.S. on me anymore and therefore is looking for a different target?
So what’s my stack right now? 2x khan st4, 1x ql (st1 though sometimes I choose st4) and 1x pcc. As i said earlier, I will probably contjnue with this for at least another week.
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I agree. Well, I mean sometimes, for some people, it can probably be enough. But if you’re making major changes, it’ll probably take more time (which, to be fair, has been said already by @SaintSovereign and others).
I think it makes sense to tie the subliminal listening to the actual change processes rather than to an arbitrary time frame. I guess that’s how more experienced people would use subliminals because that approach requires more faith and confidence that something is happening. When we first start, it’s more about desperate hope. We stick to external instructions and schedules as a way of getting past doubt.
At the same time, I think the approach you’ve used has some merits. It’s like you have taken one loop around the whole track, and so now you have a basic feel for how the whole cycle works (Khan Stages 1-4). Now, you’re in a much better position to decide how to use the subliminal with intentionality and with purpose.
Regarding your observations about your wife, I guess it’s probably a little tricky for her. When someone who you’re connected to and close to changes, it forces you to change also. If you think about it, although she’s not listening to subliminals herself, in a way, you’re her subliminal; because everyday, as you go through your growth and strengthening process, you’re sending her all of these new subconscious messages about how things work now. And, unlike you, she didn’t have the advantage of researching a subliminal company, mulling it over, and then independently making a choice to change. (Well, technically, she chose it by choosing to be your wife, but, you know what I mean).
Your wife’s kind of getting the ‘second-hand smoke’ of Khan, because her husband is transforming. This forces her to transform also, and so, just like you, she’ll have her own reconciliation cycles as she adjusts to this change and figures out how to thrive in it. (Whoever the ‘leader’ in any family may be, we should want everybody to thrive, right? It seems pretty clear that you’re committed to your family’s wellbeing and that you’re not trying to ‘win’ at anyone else’s expense. The truth is that a happier, more powerful you is a win for the whole family.)
She’s having ups and downs (i.e., reconciliation) in response to your change. You can treat her ups and downs the same way you treat your own reconciliation cycles in response to the subliminals (and in response to your overall transformation process):
At first, out of fear and uncertainty, we fight the change and struggle against it. After a while, we realize that the change may actually be a good thing. We can actually thrive and have a better life in this new version of things. We internalize and integrate it. Soon not only are you not fighting the change, you’re actually embracing it and using it to be even more effective than you ever were before.
Gradually, if all goes well, your wife is going to realize that she can use this new you to help her to thrive, to be effective, and to realize her own dreams. Your empowerment will empower her. A Khan’s power extends to his wife.
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Absolutely. It was with a desperation that I decided to start with Khan. Hoping that somehow, things will change once I am done. Yes things have changed slightly, and I am hoping that it will get better with time.
I have never thought of it like that. Although this makes sense actually. Our subconscious processes all the information going around us and acts accordingly. Given that I’ve been changing, it only makes sense for her to change as well.
That’s actually what I’m hoping for. Maybe after my exams I’m going to use QL and either Mogul or EOG so that both of us benefit simultaneously. But then again, I might just go with QL and Emperor given all the positives I’ve been hearing about Ev4.
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ST4 DAY33
Just a little past midnight from where I’m at right now. Happy new year I guess.
So took my family to an amusement park for New Year’s Eve and the fireworks. Got a lot of eye contact from the women around.
Felt assertive enough to tell a group of people who were trying to cut in line by entering the exit line for one ride. Was really pissed since there was a sign clearly stating exit. It’s like, can’t these fucking people read?
On another note, I feel like my wife’s been deferring some decisions over to me a lot more.
With regards to my wife and her dad’s argument, they still haven’t talked. Fucker goes thinking he’s the victim. It’s always been that way with him. Victim mentality does not really work for me. It actually pisses me off right now. Really wanted to just leave him at home while we went for NYE fireworks and stuff. Unfortunately, I was raised better.
Still felt like giving him a piece of my mind though. Problem there however is that given he’s “playing” the victim here, he’d make it like were ganging up on him. And his only excuse is that “he’s old”. I’m like, he’s been making this excuse for the past 15 years I’ve met him! How old is old?
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@d1gz - I had some similar experiences regarding height and voice. My mother, after the new year church service, asked me whether I got taller. I told her that I did feel taller. I was personally wondering whether it was because I was standing straighter or whether Khan was actually increasing my height. Would love height increase in a later sub. Maybe Emperor Fitness. Or the male equivalent of The Seductress.
And voice too. My voice is real deep now. I always attributed it to NoFap. It could be Khan too.
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Me too. Add the ideal body sub and it would be awesome!
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ST4 DAY35
Finally decided to join my college fraternity alumni’s chat room. Put it off for so long simply because I didn’t want to reminisce the past and to avoid any solicitations.
Took my family to the warehouse club nearby. Got friendly looks from the salespeople.
I don’t know if it’s just me, but even if I know I spent a lot for out stuff today, I didn’t really seem to mind. Is this what Khan really does? It changes your mindset towards money? Such that you go from worrying about paying the bills to feeling like you deserve what the universe gives you, and all you need to do is just wait?
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