Thank you @rising. I’ll keep that in mind.
DAY30
When I started, I was sooooo excited. Excited for the changes to occur. Excited for all that I will be manifesting, and all that.
As days turned to weeks, I just couldn’t stop counting the days before I switch to the next stage. Some times it feels like forever!
But now, I really don’t know what and how to feel. Seems like Total Breakdown really does break one down.
On a different note, I don’t know whether to be pissed off or sad. The reason why I accepted to be a Technical Reviewer for that publisher is because my demo video for a different course did not pass their standards. On my first attempt, I was told that the audio was too low and that my speech had too much sibilance (the strong hissing sound one makes when pronouncing the “s” sounds at the end of the word). I didn’t bother to ask for comments on my 2nd attempt, as rejection hurts pretty badly for me then.
So yesterday, I started watching the 1st of 3 videos for the 1st section of the tutorial I was asked to critique. Lo and behold, the audio fluctuates constantly, sibilance is too much that it hurts listening to it, and it was down right boring! It’s a technical tutorial so boring is often the norm in most cases, however, aside from the audio and sibilance, coughing was prevalent that it distracts me from further listening. Honestly, I don’t really know whether I want my name associated to the finished product if the quality will be like this. And I couldn’t bring myself to finish the first 3 minutes of the video!
Call me bitter but I really believe that I could have made one much better.
So the question here is, should I continue or not? Or maybe this is still part of my reconciliation phase?
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Then don’t. Your name and your reputation is more important than anything else, honestly.
Btw, does this mean you’re moving to the next stage of Khan tomorrow?
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@AMASH - I’m planning on adding an extra day for ST1. Personally, it’s easier for me to keep track of the date rather than count the days. Since I started ST1 on August 29, I figured I might as well start each stage on the 29th of the month. That way, if I loose count, forget to journal or anything else, I still know when to switch. Also, I figured I’ve already been broken down, what’s an extra day of misery if I end up having a future of pleasure and harmony?
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I agree 
Very wise words.
I look forward to your initial impressions of ST2 on day 29th!
DAY31
So today is my last day listening to ST1. I don’t plan on listening a lot primarily because it’s Saturday and my family and I have plans to spend time outside.
With that being said, here’s what I noticed during the past month:
- Increased feeling of sadness, anger and resentment. This is probably due to my subconscious reconciling my past with what I want to become.
- Slightly better posture. I feel like I’ve been walking taller.
- Better speech. I have always had a higher pitched voice as compared to most men I’ve met. Though I noticed that my voice seem to be slightly deeper and fuller (not much, just a little).
- Much heightened senses. Not like seeing and hearing better as I still need glasses to see, but I’ve been able to discern things out of the norm. Examples;
A. Lying down in bed, I was looking at the ceiling one night, and noticed a small black dot moving. First I thought it was a shadow or my eyes being tired. But when I got up and checked, turned out to be a small spider, that still freaked my wife!
B. While driving in the car with my family and kids, I heard a very high pitched, low intensity noise that nobody noticed. Sounded like the feedback loop when a microphone was placed very near a speaker. Turns out my dad-in-law did not turn off his hearing aid before placing it in his bag.
C. 2 days after having squid for dinner, I kept on smelling a faint odor similar to rotten shrimp that’s been left to dry. But I know that we didn’t have shrimp recently and that I threw away the garbage. Turns out, my wife placed the plastic bag used to carry the squid in our recycle bin.
Now I really can’t say that my senses got better as I still need glasses, and have problems hearing my wife when she’s 3 rooms away from me. However, I think I am more attuned to knowing things that are not ordinary or should not be there in the first place.
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Yeah, same thing happening here too. Not a major change but there is a little more timber in the voice.
Yep, this is common in ST1. Just know, you’re getting a proper good cleaning out.
I call this: the heavy testicle walk 
This is interesting. I wonder if Khan has uncovered a natural talent for ESP?
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I can’t say ESP per se @Michel. It’s more like being able to filter out the background noise and finding the odd things in various situations.
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I got the same a bit the other day with Emperor V3. Interesting how that stuff manifests, isn’t it?
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Probably due an increase of testosterone, I guess.
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Could it be that the sub somehow causes more testosterone production? I wake up sometimes with morning wood.
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ST2 DAY1
Started playing ST2 about 4 hours ago. Feeling a little bit irritated but with rambunctious kids on a Sunday? What’s new?
Not really been doing much today. Though I must say I freaked out after seeing a couple of large spiders out by our garbage cans. I really hate spiders! Though I must say, I’ve been fascinated with Spiderman since I was a kid. Now isn’t that ironic?
Still felt sad after seeing another bill in my email inbox. Seems I keep on seeing expenses. Hope this changes soon.
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Oh man st2 will be hard. Just be prepared. I never understood why so many people are fascinated by spiderman
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@rising - I guess it’s how people can relate with Spiderman. He’s an ordinary guy, not a soldier not billionaire.
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ST2 DAY2
Oh man I feel like crap! I let my temper go last night and fought with my misbehaving kids. They started disrespecting me around dinner and wouldn’t eat their food. Food that, although take out, I still payed for. Food that they said they wanted to eat. But they’d rather play, shout or read than to simply sit down and eat.
After 30 minutes of having to remind them, I got so fed up, I said to myself fuck this and proceeded to pick their plates up and bring them to the kitchen.
When they started to complain, I simply blew up and began shouting and all that.
Until now, I’m still so mad I refused to talk to them on the way to school.
Am I a bad parent? Or is it my subconscious trying to fight back the programming? Or is it a combination of both?
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Even if you understood the past, would you be able to change it?
I’m sorry @ABC333. I don’t get it. Even if I were to understand the past, how would I be able to change it? The past is passed.
Now if you mean something like if I understood things better, then would I have acted that way, then honestly I don’t know.
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Its good to understand your past and learn from it so you dont make the same mistakes in the future. Life has lessons and if you dont learn from it you will repeat those mistakes in the future.
Well I try to @Grimm1390. Although sometimes, I believe, we, humans, are creatures of habit. Even if we were to try to understand and try to learn from the past, we may repeat the same mistakes simply because it’s been ingrained into our core being. Now I’m not making excuses for my mistakes and try to learn from them. Still, learning, understanding and avoiding repetition are 3 different things, that I do hope with ST2, I learn and do become a much better person from it all.
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ST2 DAY2 PART2
As agreed with my boss, I went to the office roughly 65KM from home, to attend our weekly meeting. I was so fucking board the whole time! What was supposed to be a 1 hour meeting took almost 2 hours, focusing on one person’s work! By the time my boss asked us if we wanted to talk about our projects, nobody wanted to say anything simply of the fear that saying anything at all would extend the meeting further. It’s a
Good thing that our office catered food on Mondays so I got to eat before driving back home.
But man! The whole time I was thinking about cutting off things and people that have little to no value for me. And meetings like these feel like it’s absolutely no value for me. I sit in a chair, “listening” to crap that:
- I do not care about
- Does not concern me
- Was already discussed last week
All makes me want to get up and leave! However, I need this fucking job!
Makes me want to really get my certification over with and pass the fuck out of it. So that I can either move to a better job and/or company. I do not need this crap!
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