Day 7: April 28, 2022
Haven’t journaled in a few days, so I’m not really aware of any smaller changes that have happened so far. I haven’t received any commission requests yet, so I think I’ll have to hold off on remaking my custom. I’ll go back to using the one I already have, until I can afford another one. Hopefully, now that I’ve stopped using Wanted the recon won’t be as bad.
Day 9: April 30, 2022
I went out with my best friend yesterday and we had an absolutely great time together. The both of us were really open with each other, we weren’t afraid to offend each other and it lead to a lot of really good banter between us. It felt like the kind of conversation we had at the very beginning of our friendship and I’m glad I was able to experience it again.
I’m not sure if the change was caused by the residual effects of Wanted or because of Emperor core, I’m leaning towards it being Emperor core, but it could be either one.
Day 16: May 7, 2022
Lots of things have happened in the last few days that I wasn’t expecting. For starters, I had some friends over, which is something I haven’t been able to do, in the months I’ve been living alone. I had a great time having all of my friends over and I really hope that it becomes a more frequent thing.
I haven’t been eating well but my calorie expenditure has increased, either from ZP or from me starting to work out again. I’d like to eat some healthier foods, but money is a bit tight right now. I’ve been trying to get both RICH and my custom to manifest me some clients but so far, I’ve got nothing. I feel like the desperation I’m feeling may be hindering my results, but I do need the money. I’ve been looking into some other pathways of making money but most of them are long-term. I’m not sure if this is the best strategy I could’ve used to make as much money as possible, so I’ve been thinking of doing something different for my next stack.
My choices are: Emperor, Limitless, Mind’s eye, and RICH. If anyone has any stack recommendations, I would greatly appreciate hearing them.
If you’re wanting fast results, I think people are reporting RICH can be good for that.
RICH and by extension my custom haven’t been giving me the kind of results that I was expecting. I can definitely see that a lot of my beliefs about money and my spending habits are changing, but I’m looking for something that can help me manifest cash.
I think I’ll be going with Limitless and Emperor for my next stack, unless something drastic happens in the next few days.
Day 18: May 9, 2022
RICH has been coming in hot today. I received a notification that I’m eligible for a 100 euro check from my bursary fund. Then when I came home from the store and checked my banking app, I got an offer to have the bill I paid today separated in installments. So far, I’m not even halfway through the day and I’ve already received all of this from RICH, crossing my fingers that I’ll receive a commission request before the end of the day.
Day 21: May 12, 2022
Last day of this stack and for the time being this custom as well. I’ve thought about it a lot and decided that it’s not optimal for what I’m trying to achieve at the moment. My biggest takeaway from it was to not shove in every module I could think of, it made it really hard for me to see tangible results from specific modules when there was so much overlap. I’ll make sure to avoid making the same mistake in my next custom.
I’ve decided that my next stack will be BL + Emperor, with ascension chamber on the side. I’ll be starting a new journal for it and hopefully, I’ll be more consistent with it this time around. I’ll only be taking a 3-day washout since my last cycle was short I don’t think I have as much information to process and washout, and hopefully, Deus had some lasting effects that will help me better process subliminals in the future.
Washout Day 1: May 13, 2022
Haven’t slept yet and just came back from an exam, but I really felt like I needed to make this update. I was waiting for a friend of mine after his exam and he came out of the exam hall with a group of his classmates, one of which was this insanely attractive girl that I’m pretty sure I’ve met before. We all talked for a bit, and they decided to head to the library to study for their next exams, except for the girl. We both broke off from the group at the same time and headed in the same direction for a bit. She had her headphones on, so I just decided to not say anything to her and walk to my bike. Except that as soon as she was out of my view, I got extremely frustrated with myself for walking away from an encounter with such a shitty excuse. What’s the point of using programs like Primal Seduction, Emperor, and Wanted, to level up my social skills and attractiveness, if, in the end, I can’t even get myself to pull the trigger? It’s an insanely frustrating feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time and it’s not something I want to go through again. If I truly want to embody the spirit of an Emperor, I need to feel comfortable going up to girls and talking to them naturally.
Washout Day 2: May 14, 2022
I had a super interesting experience while taking a nap. I was feeling tired, and my thoughts got more and more negative until I fell asleep. I woke up feeling super horny and my mind kept thinking of this girl that I used to have a crush on. The more I thought about her the more my mind swirled into negative emotions, it was the same kind of frustration that I felt yesterday when I didn’t approach that girl. The general feeling was that I would have been able to be with her if only I had access to Subclub at the time, (more specifically Emperor).
A version of myself started asking me what I would do I do if I was to run into her again. How would she react to seeing how much I’d changed over the years? How would she react to seeing that I was on my way to becoming an Emperor? It stood behind me as I went through each possible scenario, each one trying a different approach than the previous one. Each time I failed the voice would ask me the same question over and over again, as if it was expecting a specific answer from me. Eventually, I gave up on the idea, and told turned around to tell myself the answer that I had been looking for all along. Nothing would change, because she and I aren’t compatible, she isn’t meant to be with me. I smiled at myself before waking up and feeling completely clear of my negative feelings. I had known the answer all along, but I had wanted to be with her as a way to prove her wrong. For the longest time, my fuel for pushing myself was spite, not just towards her but towards everyone that had ever rejected me. Those feelings were how I kept myself together when I was all alone, especially during the lockdowns where I was the most isolated that I’d ever been. When I try to summon back up those feelings, I realize that I don’t give a shit about those people. I don’t care for their validation or attention.
After this realization, I went to my Instagram and cleaned up my followers. I finally bit the bullet and removed the people I hadn’t spoken to in years. As hard as it is for me to admit, they aren’t my friends, or at least they haven’t been for some time. I was holding on to the memories of good times and what could have been instead of being focused on the present moment.
I want to become an Emperor and to do that I need to let go of all of the things holding me back, whether they be internal or external.
While going through the BLU thread and stumbled on a post that got my interest. I went down the rabbit hole and I think I may have another idea for my next stack. It’s nothing concrete yet as I still need to finish going through a few more threads before I can make my decision, but it looks very promising so far.
Washout Day 3: May 15, 2022
I’m very excited for tomorrow as this next stack will change a lot of things for me. The thought of running this stack both excites me and terrifies me at the same time. It will unearth a lot of feelings that I never wanted to be addressed. I’m predicting that my memory will increase drastically, to the point of rivaling eidetic memory. With the increased memory each flashback I have will feel as real as the day it happened, forcing me to deal with each one. After some time, the flashback will start to disappear while my enhanced memory remains. My mind will have cleared up years of trauma and I’ll be all the better for it. Those are my expectations for this stack.
At the time of writing this, I only have 1 journal left to finish before I can start compiling my notes and goals. It has 500 messages, so it’ll take me some time to get through, luckily my reading speed has increased in the last week, though I’m not sure by how much. The new journal will be out sometime in the next 23 hours, stay tuned.
Started my new journal, linking here for those that are interested.