Critical of how others look, would like to change that. Did anyone run a sub that helped this or have experience changing it?

Questions and Comments
#1

For as long as I can remember I’ve been critical of other’s appearances. Right now I’m using LB, Phoenix, and HOT. I’m sure at least one of those will help me get past this.

But truthfully it makes me feel like garbage. And when I mean critical, it’s like a quick in and out of putting myself in the other persons shoes then running that through my own insanely self critical aspects of myself. The discomfort is not with them, but a very self absorbed automatic thought experiment of “what if I looked like that, struggled with that flaw, or whatever else my mind decided to pick up on?” On first glance it seems like a lack of self love, being able to love yourself despite self perceived flaws is important. It’s not the other person, it’s my own fears.

I’m starting to think this developed because of going through my life as a heavily repressed transgender individual and never getting to build a positive relationship with my own body. I hate that I’m like this and my own deeply insecure nature prevents me from seeing the beauty in other people around me. Also not being able to have a more neutral experience when it comes to the physical appearance of people.

I think that yes, as you spend time around people your perception of them changes and you see the whole person. But it would be nice to not start at 0 with literally everyone I meet. I feel like a terrible person for being so judgemental all the time, but I find it so hard to shake it.

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#2

Sounds like LB is kicking this up. In my experience with LB, it brought up beliefs that I’ve tried hard to squash down, literally forcing them to go away. The new version isn’t sweet and nice like most love titles have been.

Sounds like it’s bringing that up in you. I have no doubt that this wasn’t easy to share. No doubt at all.

That took courage. And that says a lot about you.

Of course it’s recon, but it’s a truth about you. You’re facing this.

And I can’t answer your question. I just identify with “WHY AM I FACING THIS HEAD-ON NOW?”

You’re not alone. We all face stuff, feeling completely isolated at times. I started a vent 20 minutes ago here…and I’ve not posted it. This post encourages me. Thank you…for being YOU.

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#3

I’ve found LB has helped me with a similar issue lately.

There was a fellow on the opposite shift as me that I’ve been highly critical of regarding his work and based off others opinions of him. Have worked with him the past 2 days and realized he’s actually a pretty descent dude and his quality of work is better than I thought.

Seems like I was judgemental of others based on some insecurities in me.

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#4

@subliminalguy Thank you for your kind words. LB is definitely heavy. I want to be a better person in whatever way I can. I know that starts with myself. If I can’t treat myself with kindness and love then I’ll have a hard time defaulting to that with people around me. I’ve battled all my life trying to override this intensely critical part of myself that also projects outwards to others. It’s like a darkness inside me I keep in check, but I’d rather just have positivity radiate outward by default instead. That being said, I’m sure this critical part has a story and I have to show love to it too.

@Seraphim This is good to hear, thank you for sharing your experience!

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#5

Don’t worry about it. You are merely releasing your judgements about other people. Even writing this question is a form of action taking on that issue.

At first I thought it was Love Bomb that was the cause of your introspection but then I remembered that Phoenix also has scripting for empathy.

Being angry with others is a form of anger towards the self. What you see in others is a reflection of what you have to correct about yourself.

This is not a new concept and it rears its head pretty frequently with me too. In the sense that when I feel irritated with someone, it makes me reflect on whether am having something similar in my life.

So for example, being critical of other’s appearance shows that there is a part of our own appearance that’s not accepted by ourselves.

And bringing it back round to Phoenix and Love Bomb, these both are a double whammy in loving and accepting yourself (your appearance, habits, behaviors and everything). And by the healing you are going through, will help you accept everything about others too.

From this acceptance comes self-improvement and the ability to help others improve too.

So yes, you are on the right track. Keep going!

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#6

Oh man you can say that again. My most recent listening day I skipped Phoenix just because LB hit me so hard. Hoping these continue to smooth out a bit.

Actually might put in a ticket for that one

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#7

Definitely Love Bomb.

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#8

Being a transgender, body love is pretty much a number one challenge, so to me it sounds totally normal that you are highly critical of other’s physical appearance and I wouldn’t beat myself about it. The fact you wrote this and are aware of this issue and it bothers you proves how much love you have within yourself, this challenge is part of why you’re here and you will be able to overcome it.

I personally have had the same issue my entire life since I’m a kid, I always had a hard time loving my body, I saw so many horrible, unacceptable flaws and that made me very critical and very aware of other people’s bodies. With time it smoothed out, I’m 34 and still have some level of body insecurities I’m dealing with, mostly remnants of my harsh critical past self that still echo, I would never have dreamt of coming to this level of physical acceptance 10 years ago but here I am.

Thank you for sharing this experience as it helps me feel less alone around that particular subject.

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#9

Thank you for sharing as well. I’m happy to hear you made a lot of progress in that area. We can be our own worst critics, but it’s always amazing even with those negative sentiments how much power we have over our own life.

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