My compassion for your present situation. Your posting this here took a LOT of courage. An awful lot. I replied simply since I have similar trauma, but it was a one-time deal, and it stuck in my head.
I came here seeking emotional healing, and I began with Ascension and Rebirth. Being honest though, I purchased Emperor first (I used it for only 4 hours), but it was entirely too much for me, as it is very rough for emotionally sensitive people like myself. It really pushes one’s inner and outer limits, or believed limits. I took a experienced user’s advice, and I bought Ascension and Rebirth. It allowed me to breathe, to share, to even vent here sometimes, for as any trauma survivor knows, we isolate emotionally, and oftentimes, daily. Connecting with people, both online and in person, is something I am still learning. But this is a very safe community.
I began with Ascension, but moved on to Ascended Mogul after 2 months. I retried Emperor, but it was still too much. SubClub finally released Regeneration, which upon reading the sales page, actually scared me. I’ve had no desire to relive traumas…but fear feeds on fear, and after using another product from another vendor, I’ve returned to SubClub subliminals.
I’m attentive while using Regeneration, as I’m unsure what will come up. I’ve only been back on it for 2 days now, and I’ve had no issues with it.
The sanest advice I could give is to be nice to yourself using any subliminals. If you need some spine (like I have), start with Ascended. It’s quite well rounded, and it won’t overload you. I do Ascended Mogul with Godlike Masculinity during the day (at work on my phone), and Regeneration and Sanguine at night. Feeling safe enough to cry is important to me, so I run the healing ones at home when I’m alone.
Self love, per your stated desire, is brought up in Regeneration, per Saint’s words. Ascension, in my experience, will give you self-respect, allowing the true you to come out.
And lastly, you gave a major impression as to who you are by declaring your past up front. With that courage, I’d say you may be ready for Regeneration. It’s your call though. Your post humbled me.
Thank you for sharing your truth here.