Phew! Haven’t posted anything in a long time, but fuck so much has happened in the last few weeks. I have a new job as Copy-and Contentwriter. And guys, I’m telling you, the first few weeks were really hard.
I was totally overwhelmed and felt fucked up, because I didn’t do anything for a year and the black dog (the depression) had me really under control. Permanent panic and crying attacks were more present than the sunrise every day.
So there I was: Ready to work and yet somehow I wasn’t. It was all too much for me and I thought every day: “What am I doing here? How about crying and crawling into the room?”
But some motivator voice in me was talking all the time to the part of me that thought all this somehow sucked and told him that it was what I wanted to do and why I was crying here now.
So freedom spoke with the comfort zone. And these conversations were enormously exhausting for me. Somehow I feel good, somehow I don’t. Well, that’s just the way it is when you leave your comfort zone, isn’t it?
I currently listen to my subs very irregularly, because my body is currently spending a lot of energy to finally effectively implement everything I have heard in the last few months. Guys, I’ve spent the last three hours shitting my heart out - with interruptions. I’ve been feeling this way for 3 days. I think I’m letting go a lot in the meantime.
Well, the last three days were again enormous mental stress, but I wished that it wouldn’t show up that way. Yes, I know, change never shows up the way you would like it to, but I would like to be able to spend my free time differently than constantly sitting on the toilet 
.
Well, I’m very excited to see what else life has in store for me. I would very much welcome good digestion at the moment.