Bujin - A New Narrative (Into the Q Continuum)

Not exactly sure what’s churning around in my subconscious, but I can feel the stress, and I’m in a bad mood. Making Wednesday another rest day going forward. So from now on

Mon/Tues - Stack
Wed - Rest
Thurs/Fri - Stack
Sat/Sun - Rest

The good mood from running StarkT on Saturday is definitely gone, although the extra productivity remains.

1 Like

No subs today, but still in a bad mood. Still no appetite either, I looked in the fridge at lunch time and literally nothing appealed. Wasn’t hungry at all. Forced myself to eat a handful of nuts. Not even snacks and junk appeal anymore.

Bad mood has been slowly fading, but every time I think of work it spikes again. So there’s probably a connection there, some reconciliation around work. It’s not a surprise though, I’ve been itching for a major change for a while now. However, given everything going on, and the economic situation which will probably get a lot worse, I just don’t think this is the right time. At least, that’s the rational part of me talking. That may change.

I suspect this will be a recurring theme for quite a while.

Also starting to feel a little hungry again as my mood improves.

Back on my stack again today, and back to a good mood. It was a productive morning with work too. There are still unresolved issues around work, but the reconciliation is more constrained than earlier in the week.

It’s definitely an eventful stack, which is what I was after. The issues brought up so far are mostly fairly shallow. But I guess I need to go through those first before I can tackle the deeply ingrained issues. Hopefully a lot more to come.

Tomorrow is StarkT day, where I run my single loop of StarkT for the week.

1 Like

Felt fine this morning, no negative emotions after running my stack yesterday. Slept 9 hours though, and could have slept longer, which is unusual for me.

Ran a loop of StarkT this morning. Feeling some mild euphoria since near the end of that loop. Running my regular stack now though, so let’s see how long that lasts. I’m more interested in productivity gains from StarkT though, feeling “good” isn’t really a goal given my current focus on a healing stack. My goal is to dig up any deeply hidden sources of trauma or fear or negativity.

Overall I feel the loop of StarkT last week helped with productivity during the week. It definitely faded during the week but that may be due to the reconciliation I was going through earlier in the week. But even as late as yesterday it seemed a little bit easier than usual to start working on an uninteresting task. Two loops would no doubt help, but probably better to do 1 loop twice a week than 2 loops once per week.

I wrote the following post last night

As I was writing that I was struck with the thought that it was very much a Tony Stark way of looking at the world.

I went to bed thinking big ideas, and I woke up still thinking them. And my mood has been buoyant since yesterday morning, with an easy smile on my face. That’s all StarkT.

3 Likes

My appetite has improved, but I’m eating less than normal. When I prepare a meal I go to make my usual amount then I think “do I need to make that extra amount”, and the answer is always “no”, so I reduce it. There’s no willpower involved, it’s effortless. This is definitely new.

2 Likes

Work-related reconciliation is raising its ugly head again. I find myself getting very easily annoyed with people and delays. It’s not productive though so I’ll need to keep a tight reign on that. Also I only got about 3 hours sleep last night, so that probably exacerbated my annoyance.

I’m trying to look ahead with my sub roadmap, but I’m finding it hard to plan since I’m sure the release of Q will change everything.

For now I’m planning to continue my healing stack until the end of next week, then move on to something more productive. While I’d love to go hard-core healing for 6 months, I think it might be more effective to cycle it by alternating it with a growth phase, maybe 1 month healing, followed by 2 or 3 months growth. Repeat. That’s my vague plan for now, anyway.

My current plan for the next stage is stacking Alchemist ST1, Quantum Limitless ST4 and Ascended Mogul for 2-3 months. I’m interested to see what combining the spiritual with the material will manifest. I don’t want to go the Emperor or Stark route again right now, I like the tighter focus of AM. Although I may continue with the experiment of running 1-2 loops of StarkT per week, as it seems to boost my mood and my productivity without messing with my stack too much. QL is there for the mental boost, but if Q lets me create a specific custom sub that I want I’ll swap QL out for the custom.

I like my current listening pattern and will continue with it - mon/tues/thurs/fri subs, wed/sat/sun rest.

1 Like

The pattern is really clear and repeatable at this point. I wake up in the morning feeling pretty good, but by some point in the first or second loop of Regeneration I’m feeling annoyed and vaguely angry with work.

Obviously one option is to change jobs, but that’s just running away from the problem. I’d rather sort out the real reason why work makes me feel this way, besides the obvious (feeling bored, want a change of pace etc), I think it’s something deeper. The point isn’t really to feel “better”, it’s to understand why I’m feeling this way. I’m still working on it.

Today is a rest day.

1 Like

Next week is my last week on my healing stack. I’ve got the week off work so I’m going to crank it up.

I’m hoping StarkT will trigger deeper issues, so for 1 week only my stack will be:

3x Stark Terminus
3x Regeneration
3x Khan Total Breakdown

Each day on Mon/Tues/Thurs/Fri only. I get that StarkT is now considered too powerful, but that’s actually the point for this stack. I’m hoping for some deep reconciliation. Without Blue Skies I need to make my own fun.

I move onto Phase 2 of my roadmap the following week.

Edit: tweaked the stack for next week, just going with the major programs. Increased StarkT to 3 loops and dropped Rebirth. So far on this stack Regeneration has been the most noticeable while running, while Rebirth has been the least, so it’s coming out.

Yesterday I did my weekly Stark-T, but increased to 2 loops, followed by my normal healing stack. I felt great all day - super productive during the day, and highly sociable during Zoom Friday night drinks.

So far Stark-T seems to put me in a really happy and productive mood. It’ll be really interesting to see what happens next week when I run 3 loops daily. It might end up being too much, but I won’t know until I try it.

Feeling a bit introspective this morning, but nothing negative. Today and tomorrow are rest days.

2 Likes

Started my modified stack today, to run for this week only.

3x Stark T
3x Regeneration
3x Khan TB

By the end of the second loop of StarkT I was getting little waves of pleasure coming up from my belly. I had to stop at that point to take my cat to the vet so ran the third loop about 2 hours later, followed by regeneration. By the end of the second loop of regeneration I was again getting the little waves of pleasure, and started to feel slightly spacey. And by end of the first loop of Khan I started getting a faint headache, but nothing too bad.

Emotionally I found myself getting angry easily at minor things. I had this “fuck the world” feeling, and had the thought that I needed to change it for the better.

I had a full day planned but in the end I didn’t feel like doing anything, so didn’t. Felt vaguely annoyed and lazy as fuck. Also, after 2 months of home cooking I decided to order in instead, my first pizza in 2 months. It was my favorite pizza from my favorite local pizzaria, but it was unsatisfying. I thought I’d love it after so long but I didn’t. Just like with coffee, I seem to be losing my taste for any kind of junk.

Decided I’m gonna waste my evening as well watching some crappy movie. I’m feeling really bloated from that pizza, and I can feel some reflux coming on too.

What a thoroughly shitty and pointless day.

2 Likes

One loop. Test one loop. Y’all killing me :joy:

3 Likes

I know, I did read the advice. But I’m deliberately trying to stir things up this week. I’m switching my stack completely next week so this is just a “fuck it, let’s see what happens” experiment for this week only. I’m ok if I get nothing out of it other than understanding my limits a little more.

2 Likes

Second day on this stack.

By the end of the second loop of StarkT I was again feeling pretty angry. Not an explosive anger, more of a seething anger. I had to go out to pick up some hardware supplies for some house repairs, and I was feeling angry the entire time. I was angry at the state of the world (nothing to do with COVID), and felt a deep desire to change it.

When I got back home I ran the third loop of StarkT, and oddly by the end most of the anger drained away. I still had a short fuse, but I felt mostly normal. I spent the day working around the house and my property, and planting some vegetables, so it was a fairly productive day.

The rest of my stack didn’t seem to have any noticeable effect, so StarkT is probably overwhelming it.

Tomorrow is a rest day.

3 Likes

I can also attest to the anger buildup running SQ-T. And also reconciliation subsiding while actually listening. This was about 2 weeks ago when I was overlistening (5-6 loops per day) and reconciliation caught up with me big time on my first rest day.

1 Like

Started the day feeling introspective, later changing to a vague annoyance. But I got a lot of stuff done today, including some things I wasn’t looking forward to.

Two more days on this stack, then from Monday I’m starting Phase 2 of my roadmap:

Alchemist ST1
Ascended Mogul
Mind’s Eye

I’m really looking forward to this. I’ll be running it for 2-3 months.

2 Likes

Well, ok. Ran my stack, and no reconciliation at all today. No unusual emotions, just a very productive day. I spent the day from 9.30am to 7pm doing external house repairs, mostly lots of woodwork. I even forgot to eat lunch. Feeling good right now, but tired and a bit achy. So not really much to report other than - it was a good day.

2 Likes

That does sound like a good day.

Cool that the subliminals are going smoothly.

2 Likes

An update to yesterday. I totally lost my shit later in the evening when I dropped my loaded dinner plate on the floor. Highly explosive anger. Short lived luckily.

Today is the last day on my stack - I was really reluctant to start playing it. Maybe due to getting angry yesterday, or maybe due to some reconciliation. Either way, I just started the stack. There’s undoubtedly value in continuing with either this or my healing stack for longer, but it’s time I switched to a stack more actively targeting my goals. I’ll do another healing stack at a later date, probably with a custom Q healing sub.

1 Like