We bought HQ CBD oil. But it makes her vomit.
So I thought maybe some cookies instead.
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Had a long conversation with my fiancee yesterday about my plans to build and order a custom.
Since finances are rather tight, I felt like I can’t just order it without talking with her about spending 300 bucks.
But despite my fears, she was fully supportive.
She acknowledged the results of subs in my life.
Especially KB that cured me from my pornaddiction and saved our relationship.
But also LB that made me get my first minijob and thereby made already more money than I spent on subs altogether.
And since it’s not expense for pleasure but an investment into my financial future she fully supports me.
So I’m waiting for some tickets to get answered and then I’ll probably order it so I can start running it next cycle.
Happy and excited.
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- April 2024
3rd Listening Day
KB3 5min LB 9min SSX 3:50
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Maybe split it and buy the modules first?
It’s of course the same amount, but sometimes spreading it can help a little.
I have the money atm.
It’s only that I have a bit of savings left, but atm, our expenses are bigger than our income. A few months and savings will be gone. Or I invest now in a custom and let it’s do its magic of getting me a better source of income.
That’s at least my reasoning. Change something with what I have before it’s to late.
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Fair point.
Today I woke up and felt rather good. Nothing like being hit by a truck like the days before when I ran KB3. That’s a very good sign.
Then I remembered that I had a pretty intense dream. It was so shocking that I woke up and couldn’t sleep for quite some time.
I was traveling with a party like my singing club or something like that. I remember that my mother was there as well. She told me a few times to pay my debt at the hotel reception or it could get pricey. But I didn’t.
When we all left the hotel everyone had to pay 14.5 €. When it was my turn the clerk said I need to pay 514.5 € because I didn’t pay in time and there are additional costs because of that.
I also remember that my mother was scolding me because of that infront of everyone. People I knew for 25 years. It was really embarrassing.
Then I woke up with a shock, thinking about all the letters still remaining on my desk.
My subconscious is getting more direct in its communication.
I also had a terrible taste in my mouth. Despite brushing my teeth and scraping my tounge before sleeping.
I had this dream a weak or so back about removing my aching tooth from my mouth and it grew so I couldn’t get it back in.
Was this a message, that it can’t be repaired? That I just should take it out?
Over the day I got slight headache. It’s still lingering in the front of my head. Recon?
I don’t know. Let’s see how tomorrow starts.
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Just had some quantum loops of the three subs I listened to yesterday. 3 seconds of SSX, KB and KB3.
Headache is almost gone.
Time to sleep.
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Wouldn’t take dream language literally. If teeth have been a topic in rl, they might pop up as memory fragments to be processed.
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Have you ever tried pulling oil? IME it works wonders for sensitive gum. It can be a bit of a hassle, but if you can fit it in the daily schedule, it’s great. (My dentist approved. Most people do not find the time.)
I tried it in the past, but due to low self love and self worth I never did it consistently over a longer period. But perhaps it’s time to reintegrate it into my routine.
What oil do/did you use?
I used coconut oil.
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I use hemp oil, it has a nice taste.
Sometimes I skip a day. If we have house guests, or an early meeting it is difficult to keep it in the schedule.
But the difference after the first 3-4 weeks was quite something.
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This night was quite something.
I lay in bed, the headache gone, but my head felt heavy on the pillow. It was the first time I felt my head processing the subs, like some intense pressure, but unlike headache, not really painful.
I woke up pretty often, I guess 5-10 times.
Intense dreams, which I all forgot.
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- May 2024
4th listening Day
KB 5:20 LB 5:00
Just found this wonderful quote from @ouroboros
Confusion about life usually stems back to being confused about your goals, not being fully engaged in them.
Sadly I can’t quote it directly since the journal is closed. (I hope it’s not another malfunction of SC sites)
I big time noticed in the last couple of weeks, that I object to set up clear goals. Firstly for my life in general, but secondly also for the subs.
I have this feeling that this is one of the major reasons I’m not moving forward as I’d like to.
Still asking self if this a self worth issue.
Hanföl, hmmm, von Seitenbacher, Hanföl.
Had to quote a famous German radio add from Seitenbacher. They’re even selling pretty big in the US.
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About yesterday
I planned to start working through my mail. To do so, I gave myself a quick shot of Emperor to get it done.
And it worked.
I had at least 10 letters from our propaganda ministry that I have to pay around 500 bucks for the option to watch their stuff (despite I never do). Worked my way through all the letters and finally answered the one of their money squezer.
While I was searching for some banking information, I got logged of their site due to inactivity and my whole letter was lost.
But, thank God, we have this screenshot app.
So my fiancee had everything I wrote.
Work later was quite stressful. We had a holiday, all shops closed, so lots of people came to get drinks and stuff for their party. I had a bunch of kids that visited a couple of times and swarmed the place for 10 minutes at least, so I couldn’t do the cleaning I was supposed to do in time.
Then the dishwasher had a malfunction…
In the end, I left an hour late (unpaid), grabbed a bottle of wine (unpaid) which I will pay today because I forgot my wallet yesterday.
In the past I thought if I will work in late shifts, I will come home and fall asleep directly. No chance. There’s still so much tension, that I usually need 1-2 hours to calm down enough.
But all in all, it was a very good day.
This morning, while sitting on the porch and enjoying a cup of black tea, it was a delight to watch the birds coming to the birdhouse for snacks. Especially one blackbird that landed 2 meters away, and cautiously approached it, always on the lookout. Sweet.
Today, similar goals as yesterday. Working through more mail, doing a bit of leatherwork (I got my key for the gasstation and want a fitting fob and perhaps I’ll start with a pair of new shoes for the upcoming renfair season) and working in the evening.
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Ate some donuts earlier, that were left overs from the job yesterday.
I feel so damn tired right now.
Asking myself, is it from the donuts, subs, the wine, or anything else?
I’m gonna make my keyfob now, and then I’m gonna start with answering my letters.
For the later, I’m torn between excitement to accomplish this challenge finally and… afraid is the wrong term, or perhaps afraid of the exhaustion that comes with this kind of task.
After finishing my key fob, I opened 21 letters yesterday from health insurance, banks, money squeezes etc.
Nothing to bad. Nothing like I feared it would be (subconsciously).
Worked through 7 more letters I had already opened but nothing more.
Couldn’t answer them because I needed to head to work.
Work was much better than thw day before yesterday. I needed 20 minutes less of unpaid time. And I also managed to understand what took me so long after I closed the shop, so I can start doing these things earlier and can leave earlier as well.
Came back from work around 10:45 pm. Stayed up until I got tired around 1:30 am.
Sleep was mixed. Woke up a few times. But wasn’t to drained when I got up.
3rd May 2024
5th Listening day
KB3 4:20 LB 3:30 Sanguine 1:00
Woke up and noticed I’m Arch alchimist now.
That needed only one day. Super fast. Fire did it personally. Perhaps to much going on that he’s helping out. Answered another ticket as well.
I reached Arch Alchimist in 227 days.
I was unable to tell, if I was so active in the forum to reach Arch Alchimist fast and get the 25% discount asap. And I always had a bad consciens when I was bantering with people, because it could seem like I was trying to up my postcount with unnecessary posts.
Now, any further post doesn’t help to achieve a bigger discount. So I can freely post whatever I like.
But as I notice now, I’m just as active as before.
I think this will change once I got a proper job and need to use time more considerate.
Got a call from work around noon. A colleague asked if I could fill in for her, she’s on her period and had cramps from hell.
So I took a shower, grabbed something to eat and drove to work.
Work was good. A lot to do. Just a minor accident, but I’ve learned and evolved.
Then my late shift replacement arrived.
Vent about this one colleague
He’s the only other guy working there. He arrived 30 minutes early. I noticed him by his smell before I saw him. Like he bathed in cheap aftershave. He’s really giving me headache.
He seems a bit slow and always carries such a strange smile around, like he enjoys the memory of the rabbit he strangled to death this morning.
Like I said, he arrived 30 minutes early and there was a lot to do. He prepared his cash register and then he stood in the doorframe for 25 minutes and watched me. Consistently.
I had a lot of customers wanting to pay. A few more customers were waiting next to him, to bring return packages. And he did nothing. Every other colleague (me aswell), is helping out if it’s to much to handle alone and they’re still/already present. And this stench.
I remember, on my first day, he waited in the line and ordered a coffee. When I said “That makes 3,49” he just said “No, 79 Cents”. When the colleague training me said he should say that he’s working here as well.
My grandmother feels uncared for. But thats a topic for another day.
I will now finalize my custom over the weekend and order on monday. Excited.
I stopped to listen to GM already, so I can throw in one or two short loops once it arrives.
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If you go back my journal, you’ll notice I did it rather often. Throwing in a microloop of an additional sub, not one I’m trying to master atm, it is.
I do it all based on intuition.
No fixed times. When my subconscious says it’s enough, it’s enough.
And sometimes I feel like “I only had two rather short loops, there’s some idle processing space and I’m a bit horny” so I’ll add 30ish seconds of RotNW or SSX.
And sometimes, just like yesterday it’s more like “I listened to late in the day, it feels a bit heavy already and I wann a sleep good and not have recon, let’s add a bit of Sanguine/Elixir”
I think it’s important to understand, that, me being basically unemployed, I don’t have this stable baseline you have.
You listen 15 seconds more and you notice your productivity went down by 10%? OK, let’s reduce listening time by 5 seconds.
I dont have this yet.
Let’s see how this develops once I got the job I desire.
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