Building a solid Base

Journals - Major Programs
#145

I felt hungry. Not extremely, but it wasn’t a nice feeling.
And yeah, that’s pretty unusual for me.

Yesterday, I probably drank to less as well.
I called fiancee to bring me a bottle of watered juice. To get fluids and a bit of sugar into my system.

I used to do intermittent fasting, (even omad or omead a few years back on carnivor) but I never felt so weak Like yesterday.

Today everything is back to normal, besides the muscle soreness. But that is quite normal after the kind if work I did.

I guess everything is explained by my absence of appetite. Only the cause for this absence…

Perhaps KB1? Some changes in energetic system?

Or something completely sub-unrelated?

#146

Quite possibly. I had some energy shift with KB which felt strange for a bit. Maybe it’s just a bug.

It’s overall a bit difficult shift in perception.

With the very focussed listening to yourself and analysing of alleged subconscious movements, many (me included) relate nearly everything to the subs. But you can have a bad day, a stomach bug, headaches, a gloomy mood with or without subs.

It’s difficult as part of the process is looking for the links.

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#147

Wanted to bring away the green waste.

Car got stuck in the mudd.

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A farmer we know pulled us out , thank God.

I still got super sweaty pretty easily and felt a bit like I had a cold. This evening I had a cold shiver.

Either I’m a bit sick or something in my energetic system is getting overhauled.

Tomorrow is my last day of KB1. Then 5 days of washout. Maybe I make it 6. Then I can start my new cycle on Easter Sunday.

#148

I’m asking myself right now, of it would be wise, to switch between healing intense titles and other goal oriented titles from cycle to cycle.

That would give the healing titles the opportunity to bloom.

Like my next cycle with LB, than exchanging it for NR for one cycle, than coming back to LB.

That would both titles the opportunity to bloom for one full cycle.

Has anyone reading this journal tried this before?

What do you think about alternating titles?
#149

Hopping back and forth will probably hurt your results. Goal should IMO be to get them snowballing, so consistency is key.

Do you see LB primarily as a healing title?

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#150

I’m not sure how to classify LB.

On the one hand, I wanna build up self love because I know, mine is low. So not healing but building up.

On the other hand, why is my self love down in the first place? Because of not so pleasant events that destroyed my self love and still longer in my subconscious (like the repeated rejection of my father). So that would need healing so that my selflove can grow, I’d guess.

And for the hopping, my intention was to get the most out of the blooming effect. When some users tell, that the effects show most intensively only after some longer washout period, I thought I could get a constant blooming of the healing title and the other title alternating.

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What do you think about alternating titles?
#151

I don’t think, blooming is this steady. My guess is it happens more and stronger early on, when parts of the script just click really well with you and just need a bit more space to execute.

I got LB in my custom. Really feels like a big, comprehensive program which will need time and a lot of processing power. Consistency is probably key.

Stack defense is probably the most difficult skill to learn with SC subs.

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#152

Stack defense?
You mean like not switching stack every couple of weeks or whenever something new or an update is released?

#153

BTW, yesterday, I was slightly irritated it seems.
At least my mother said that I’m getting easily angry.
Last listening day for this cycle. Tomorrow the 5 off days will start. I’m excited for the bloom.

Edit
If this irritability was a build up from the last weeks, I’m more than happy, that it will go away with the off days.

#154

Exactly!

#155

I had quite some irritability with the new LB.
The contrast with the old LB is kinda striking.

Working on self-love first can be hard.

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#156

I know. But the one thing I learned in the past few weeks is that most of my deficits in live stem from my lack if self love and fear of rejection.
So be it finances or romance and sex life, I need to clear this self love issue first.

So LB it is.
But probably in shorter loops like 5 min max in the beginning of the comming cycle.

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#157

This is so true.

LB is a pretty good point to start the journey.

Besides KB it’s the only sub I can’t see leaving my stack anytime soon.

#158

My mentor always says “selfworth equals financial worth”.
And only in the last weeks in noticed how true this is.

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#159

Yepp. There is a lot of truth to that.

Sadly it is also often linked the upbringing.

Coming from a workingclass family, wealth was always considered bad, suspicious, pointing to shady stuff going on. This can hurt the self-image a lot.

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#160

Listening Day 11
15 min KB1 15 min LB

I’m going with a bang.

Saturday or Sunday is my next listening day, so some food for thought.

I’m excited for my first real washout after my first complete and disciplined cycle this year.

#161
Spooky Dream

This night I had the strangest dream. I can’t remember that much.
I had a task and think I failed and hurt others.
It was in a religious setting.
I was in a church, received the holy communion, made my peace with God, and then I’d received some poison stick. The strange thing was I received it just like the holy communion, kneeling and on the tounge. It felt like a religious act. The one administering it to me even checked if I had the proper permission.
After receiving it, I sucked the poison out of it and I felt my body dying.

That was the moment, I realized, that I actually wanted to live. And I woke up.

Interestingly, I felt cold this night despite the heating being on full power and my fiancee was feeling like a rotisserie chicken. I even got a second blanket.

Just remembered, that I wrote

On another note, often when I go grocery shopping I get a Donut and an energy drink.
Today instead I got a piece of pizza and a pear juice spritzer. At least drink wise that’s much healthier. And even the pizza is probably better without all the sugar.
Might be LB.

Gaming wise it started dto feel boring yesterday. Today when I felt a bit bored I started playing again but turned it off after three minutes.
Another good development. Instead I started doing some cleaning.

#162

New Cycle started today

KB2 6:43 GM 3:34 AC 7:00

A lot happened since my last post.

Opened mail I had laying around for a couple of months. Unpleasant but necessary. Still more eto open, but it was a first step. LB doing its thing. I’m worth it. Now.

I slept rather shitty.

I started spring cleaning.
Went through two rooms, all closets and drawers. I feared opening some of them because of all the chaos.

Getting a Job

Monday I got a call from the Gas station
Wednesday I had the Interview
Today I had a test work day
And they were more than pleased with my work.

Its nothing I wanna do for a longer period.
But it’s my first serious job in a long time, without someone getting me the job or having a job for me.
And its a constant reminder that I need to improve. Because its stressful work for minimum wage.
I even got about 2 bucks in tips. I didn’t even know that that’s a thing.

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#163
  1. April 2024
    Listening Day 2
    5.5 min LB 4 min Phoenix
#164

I listened directly before sleeping.
I don’t know if it was the subs, or if it is because of my first regular paid workday today, but I slept miserably.
First, I cricked my back (what got me a massage :relaxed:), then I needed over an hour to fall asleep, slept shitty, and finally I woke up at 4:45 and was wide awake. The alarm was set at 6.

Now I’m asking myself, if it is still my self worth issue that’s sabotaging my efforts to get a job?
Or is it the subs?
Financial fears in general?
I sometimes have this feeling of a damocles sword hanging above my head like Cowolfe because of the letters I still haven’t opened…

Gonna take a shower and then have a coffee to get the day going.