Budewr’s journal

[Budewr]

@Tobyone

I have noticed this generally in my own life last coulpe of years that old music don’t give me that warm fuzzy feeling anymore.

But if you think about it, music is usually stored in our memory together with some situation that brought with it a strong emotion. And when we do deep healing, that same emotion may not be there anymore and bringing out a different experience with the same song.

i still listen from time to time to rap music which i was a huge fan of before, but i stopped listening cause its not good energy, but i still enjoy it! but i choose not to listen to it, eventually it will have an effect on me with all that cursing and negative energy

but i agree on what you said, but from my experience with subs is that recon mainly manifests that way into my life, i feel that im following the wrong purpose and i was delusional with thinking that my purpose is music, cause i dont feel any emotions when im listening and digging tracks and producing music

but usually this stays for a day or 2 then boof, it goes away

cause since i started here with SC, i really didnt see any signs of discomfort or anything weird like what has been mentioned on how Recon feels and its symptoms ,

so i thought this my own way of my subconscious to let me know that hes afraid and thats the recon the i face,

from what i read, everyone has a different experience with recon, some people have this urge to switch subs, and some people become bored and maybe dull or depressed ,

but i personally felt like not feeling the music that i like, and not feeling it, is the main block that i face when my subconscious tried to defend itself

[Budewr]

@aaa

visiting pornhub out of curiosity

hahahhah i swear i do that and i always get caught into this trap, but luckily im not falling for it lately

cause i saw some youtube video that got suggested, an interview with a pornstar, and i got curios why is this man a pornstar, what does he have, then i opened pornhub to see whats up, hahahah that man has a donker bonger,

then the porn video got me interested then slowly and slowly i said nope…, not today
im not falling for it

@aaa

you have great sense of humor

and ofcourse awesome progress

hahahah thank you man,

[Budewr]

Pinpoint:

the comfort zone is just a thought, when you feel the heaviness and the laziness of the comfort zone and that you wanna stay in it

know that youre not present in the moment,

once youre present the comfort zone disappears

So how can the comfort zone benefit us ?

when i feel it, its an indicator that im not present in the moment, so it guides me into being present into the here and now

how to kill that son of a bitch of a zone ?

Be in the present moment.

[Tobyone]

Yeah I know what you mean. Some of my old songs still have a place but not that often. I too started to drastically change what I listen to because of the vibration it was sending out. One thing I remember a couple of years back was when reading D. Hawkins books that he talked a lot about this matter, and how it all connected in to his Human Scale of Consciousness. That’s when I actively began to search for music with a higher vibration, and also noticed the negative ones a lot more.

[Budewr]

can you name me the book please?

which book my D. hawkins ?

[Tobyone]

I can’t remember which one, but it might have been Power vs Force. You could search on YT, there’s probably some clips of him talking about music and calibration.

There’s also a list of hundreds of famous things he calibrated, and that is sorted into levels of calibration, and from what I remember some songs are there as well.

Louis Armstrong - What a wonderful world ( 1967 )

If I remeber right, this one is in the 500’s which is love. Just look at his smile when he sings

Arvo Pärt : Spiegel im Spiegel (pour violon et piano)

Also this one was crazy high up on the list.

[Budewr]

@Tobyone

I can’t remember which one, but it might have been Power vs Force. You could search on YT, there’s probably some clips of him talking about music and calibration.

There’s also a list of hundreds of famous things he calibrated, and that is sorted into levels of calibration, and from what I remember some songs are there as well.

If I remeber right, this one is in the 500’s which is love. Just look at his smile when he sings

this is just beautiful

yes i remember a list of a calibration, ill search for the list to see some stuff im curios about

[Azriel]

"Life Is Beautiful" Wins Foreign Language Film: 1999 Oscars

this was calibrated at Unconditional Love too I believe lol

[Tobyone]

Never seen that one before, thank you. It’s just like a dog wagging its tail when you come home, no wonder they say that dog people live ten years longer

[Budewr]

i need to watch this movie asap

its very high rated on imdb

but yesterday i also watched a high rated movie “Heat” and i didnt like it

its very tricky with those ratings,

[Budewr]

Kinda disappointed with my results from the 2 months of running emperor ( im still gonna run it. Though i wont stop)

But im curios like why in hell im not noticing obvious results? Im experiencing like 5-7% out of what has been promised or what has been said about Emperor i got so excited of the idea of it

Like why is this happening? Im doing my best to see through whats going on but idk

Im a bit pissed,

Ive been thinking about dropping QL just to let emperor go through, but cmon like 2 months is enough to at least to see where is the sub is going to take me but idk nothing obvious is going on

[Pyro]

If you want results from Emperor than only run Emperor. You have a pretty heavy stack that will take time to create change.

Alchemy is a fickle process. Sometimes it takes weeks sometimes it takes years.

Otherwise this feeling is textbook recon. I have found Solace in using meditations that work to remove the “I do not have enough progress” from your mind.

I have been running only AM with boosters until today for 60 days and just getting some results after some serious internal issues had been worked through. Still a long way to go. Enjoy the journey my friend. You will always want something more until you are happy with you are without any qualifiers.

[Budewr]

@Pyro

If you want results from Emperor than only run Emperor. You have a pretty heavy stack that will take time to create change.

Alchemy is a fickle process. Sometimes it takes weeks sometimes it takes years.

Otherwise this feeling is textbook recon. I have found Solace in using meditations that work to remove the “I do not have enough progress” from your mind.

i totally understand that it takes time, but in the journey of it, i should see some indicators from time to time, that makes me happy and excited for the new stuff to come if i keep using this sub, im almost should say not seeing a thing, its like what is 5% compared to something big like what has been said about emperor ?

its like im eating bread crumbs for dinner, its not even worth mentioning hahhaha compared to a a baguette or some bread

@Pyro

If you want results from Emperor than only run Emperor. You have a pretty heavy stack that will take time to create change.

LDU with QL it doesnt feel like a big stack, Emperor is dense but LDU is short, and QL meh yeah i guess its dense, but the whole stack feels okay

@Pyro

Otherwise this feeling is textbook recon. I have found Solace in using meditations that work to remove the “I do not have enough progress” from your mind.

yeah maybe its recon, but its also Questioning why am i not seeing the progress? its very genuine and im trying my best to sort stuff out to see if im doing something wrong, or why is emperor not sorting stuff for me?

i read some post of @SaintSovereign saying when he first started running subs or success subs, results were almost nothing, and it was creeping on him very slowly
and that he almost gave up subs,

maybe thats the case for me, ill be sticking with emperor for a long time, but im bothered by the fact that im not seeing any help or progress from Emperor as i thought it would help me a lot, even small pushes at a time.

Emperor pretty much covers my strongest weakpoints, which is why i choose emperor, cause it almost covers every area in my life that is very weak and i need to improve on

[Budewr]

@Pyro also as u said alchemy is a complex process even them saying that you will see results within a couple of months, isnt guaranteed,

change differs from each person and the time that it takes, but im a bit pissed, kinda annoyed,

ive been freaking stuck with this stupid comfort zone, and whenever i find a fix for it, this difficulty slides out of nowhere to catch my ass,

i want to kill it so badly, like i really wanna get a gun and shoot the comfort zone

like why in hell is change so hard for humans? why the freaking goddamn this comfortish feeling that wants you to die and do no progress in life?

change is good, then why does this zone exist?

ive been struggling with this zone for quite a while, thats one of the main reasons i went to Emperor, and its why im a bit frustrated or lets say annoyed that Emperor is not helping push through this thing

like i know these subs work, my friends had some good results with them, i had good results before running emperor also (old stack Stark+LDU+RM)

but what in hell is happening ?
either ways, im sure good things will unfold, and it needs time but my situation feels odd. very odd

[Pyro]

Your comfort zone will never go away, it may expand. But there is always things that will block you.

I have noticed in my own journey I have a monster blob in my mind that is blocking my path towards happiness, fulfillment, and success. Whenever I find a way to beat it or wear down, it shape-shifts into something that is much harder. It is what it is.

I know what you feel with the frustration. I have been trying to start a sustainable business since college and have fallen hard on my face too numerous times to count wasted tons of hours on failed projects. But what else is there to do?

It’s really important to take expectations out of your mind. Fear, frustration, annoyance, and anger is the difference from your perceived fantasy and you perceived reality.

What gifts have the world given us that we are so blind to and ignore because we are so obsessed with bringing this percieved fantasy to our perceived reality.

The fantasy of the glorious destination will never arrive. There will always be a void to fill until we look deep inside ourselves and accept the reality for what it is. Even then if we fantasize about that to run away from pain it will cause pain.

Embrace the struggle, it sucks but you gotta find away to come to terms with it, only then do the walls crumble and crash down only for the next monster to appear.

We are on this pale blue dot in the vast space of nothingness and our existence is a mere blink of an eye. Empires rise from dust only to fall to dust. Like the Phoenix it’s just part of life Enjoy it and don’t sweat the small stuff. Also everything is the small stuff if you put it into perspective.

[Budewr]

@Pyro

Your comfort zone will never go away, it may expand. But there is always things that will block you.

i need a gun to deal with that difficulty hahahhahah

no seriously i hope emperor in some way deals with the comfort zone and ends it completely, i know that this zone is human nature, but at least maybe deal with the beliefs that says that this zone is fun and comfy

and turn those beliefs into something like, "this is disgusting and not comfy " hahahahhaha

@Pyro

It’s really important to take expectations out of your mind. Fear, frustration, annoyance, and anger is the difference from your perceived fantasy and you perceived reality.

What gifts have the world given us that we are so blind to and ignore because we are so obsessed with bringing this percieved fantasy to our perceived reality.

The fantasy of the glorious destination will never arrive. There will always be a void to fill until we look deep inside ourselves and accept the reality for what it is. Even then if we fantasize about that to run away from pain it will cause pain.

Embrace the struggle, it sucks but you gotta find away to come to terms with it, only then do the walls crumble and crash down only for the next monster to appear.

We are on this pale blue dot in the vast space of nothingness and our existence is a mere blink of an eye. Empires rise from dust only to fall to dust. Like the Phoenix it’s just part of life Enjoy it and don’t sweat the small stuff. Also everything is the small stuff if you put it into perspective.

loved those words my friend, thank you

@Pyro

We are on this pale blue dot in the vast space of nothingness and our existence is a mere blink of an eye. Empires rise from dust only to fall to dust. Like the Phoenix it’s just part of life Enjoy it and don’t sweat the small stuff. Also everything is the small stuff if you put it into perspective.

especially this part, we dont relize how small were in this big world.
life shouldn’t be taken seriously, its a fun game.

we should treat that way, and not make it hard for ourselvers

[Tobyone]

Life is NOT a Journey - Alan Watts

Funny, I just watched this one before reading this

[Budewr]

im so happy and excited to watch this

im like a kid that went to the games store, i love those videos

thanks! ill be watching this warm video with a cup of tasty tea

[aaa]

Allan watts love that guy

[Tobyone]

He’s a great connector between east and west philosophies, and to think he died 50 years ago