CUSTOMS AND RECONCILATION, Part 1
I am finally back and ready to start journaling regularly here again on the forum after receiving my first custom on June 24. A lot of things have changed since the lockdown, and there is so much I wanna talk about. But first I wanna share my experience with my first custom sub and indulge in the nature of such custom.
As you might know, my first custom was created to turn me into the coolest, most successful, hard-working, and life-loving person in the Universe, while getting rid of all attached traumas and beliefs that are standing in my way. It consisted of TWENTY ONE modules! While Saint Sovereign and Fire made clear that the maximal upper limit is 20, I refused to listen. I carefully planned all modules over weeks so that all modules enhance each other and are deliberately aligned with my goals. With that level of introspection beforehand, I thought, “nothing can go wrong”. I ended up creating a monster subliminal, so dense like I have never seen before.
The first loop introduced me to what is coming. I went outside when I got hit with an unprecedented feeling of euphoria. The sun was shining, colors looked more saturated and I felt like a king walking around in paradise. I thought it could not get any better…
Back inside, I lay down in my bed, play two more loops, and continue to watch the Netflix series “The Order”. One episode followed another one, and I literally started and finished the whole series in one fucking day. Never happened before in my life. While at this point it should have been clear that something’s up and that reconcilation is hitting me hard, I DID NOT NOTICE IT. Furthermore, I got the following messages from SaintSovereign.
My recon brain took these messages and flooded my brain with thoughts of “This sub isn’t working, it got rendered useless” AND “You put so much thought into it and now you fucked up by ordering one more module”. In the beginning, I did not pay much attention to these. Especially, as I began to experience moments of exceptional bliss, where modules like Gratitude Embodiment, Ego Adsum, Blue Skies/Spiritual Freedom, Joy the Vivre strongly kicked in. However, while I got distracted by these beautiful moments the reconcilation was building up behind a veil. Even though I was having severe reconcilation at that point, I did not feel like it. The reconcilation felt smooth and slightly even though it was extreme in reality. Over the days, these moments of joy disappeared and got replaced and I began to feel increasingly more sluggish, emotionless, tired, and depressed. Like the life got sucked out of me. But the transition was so smooth that I did not realize what came over me. I just accepted that state of being me right now without realizing that it was very different a few days ago.
I cut down on the loops and continued like that for a while…
To be continued
