Breaking Down the Walls

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#101

I ran Beyond Limitless Ultima yesterday before I got into studying. Not really ideal for me waiting an hour to study especially by the time I get home from work and cook it’s almost 7pm. Gotta figure out a better way. But onto my experience, but first the specs for my audio in case @SaintSovereign or @Fire have any interest in that.

Headphones are these guys, Shure SRH840

Audio interface is this guy Audient Evo

And the headphones are being driven by this amp. Atom Amp

No idea what’s in Ultima, but this is basically my audio setup for when I mix/produce, so I figure it’s the highest clarity I’m gonna get out of anything I currently have to listen through.

Onto Beyond Limitless

So this thing was intense. I don’t think I can fully assess how it’s impacting me just from one loop because it really hit hard. At a certain point in listening I got pretty hot and it felt like there was a weird magnetic pushing sort of force around my body. Hard to describe, not airy. Felt more like things were bending.

Really strong emotional reactions. Possibly digging up fear? I found myself confronting these fears of having things be easy for me? Very bizarre. No doubt I’ve got limiting beliefs based in fear that hold me back from intelligence and all that. Some of them seem highly irrational.

Felt like I was definitely shifting into a different state. But a part of me wasn’t ready or it was too much or too much energy. I don’t really know. It was like getting a glimpse of a reality where effortless learning and creativity was possible and then shying away from it.

Around the 30 minute mark I felt like closing my eyes. Started getting musical ideas, but I wasn’t chasing them. It’s like I could hear how everything would be arranged in a song if I put it together without that usual tightness or discomfort I feel when I get stuck or anxious. Basically the bridge between the ideas and the execution seemed stronger. I didn’t get to explore this however because I needed to focus on studying. But if I had to compare it to something it’s like when I’ve drifted off to sleep or got really relaxed and ideas came to me easier. Less conscious interference and more deeper subconscious communication.

After I was done and I started studying I noticed a lot more focus and a lot less learning anxiety. I often get bogged down in future challenges and give myself an anxiety attack which kills focus. But it seemed like I was able to stay in the moment more and focus on what I needed.

I finished up a section I was watching and then just felt really tired. I don’t think it was Ultima. I think I just had a rough day and I stacked studying on top of work and it was a lot.

I can’t say I was 100% confident in being able to learn the material I was working on. But I didn’t feel quite as much dread compared to before I listened. The kind of dread that leaves me feeling like procrastinating or not being able to really focus because I’m too worried about not understanding or grasping whatever I’m learning.

All in all, very interesting. I look forward to see if harmonize with this energy more. My experience yesterday felt more like jumping on a bullet train, I didn’t feel ready to go all the way.

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#102

You’ve just reminded me that I did not use my highest quality headphones when I listened to Beyond Limitless on Monday. This may have contributed to my lack of reaction. I’ll try again with my studio cans today.

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#103

Everytime I look at the title, It reminds me of chris Jericho

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#104

What cans you using?

#105

AKG K72s.

image

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#106

You know, I have zero investment right now in the Ultima thing. I feel basically good about it, but I’m so into my main subliminals. I’ve barely gotten started with them. So, I feel very patient about Ultima. I’ll get to it later.

I’m just a ‘long-term’ kind of person.

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#107

For me it came at just the right time, beyond Limitless specifically. I’ve been seriously struggling with learning new stuff and have a long-standing self limiting belief system about my own intelligence and capabilities. It’s made it hard to progress in anything in my life. I think part of that is the education system utterly failing me and thinking that was my fault. When really they just have a super rigid one sided way that tailors to a certain type of person or mind.

I think having a strong goal when listening is important otherwise there’s nothing to really apply it to. So if you don’t feel particularly drawn to it I’d say there’s no real reason to jump on it now.

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#108

Random thoughts on my drive into work. How cool would it be to make money just being myself? Not trying to fit some role or get good at something in the hopes of making money. But just existing in my own little oasis doing my own thing and living in abundance. Being authentic and people seeing value in that.

I think that’s all I really want. To get out of the rat race. Just be myself, express myself, and as a consequence of that be taken care of financially. Stop internally grinding to force myself to do things. I love seeing people do that. When they just be themselves and stand out in the world because they’re unique.

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#109

Some days I think to myself, man other people sure do enjoy their lives, so why not me too? I’ve spent far too long just doing the crap I was told to do in life vs living it for myself. I’m sick of just feeling like life is really just 90% work and 10% enjoyment. I don’t know where, when, or how that got implanted in my head but it has to go. Other people can live like that if they want, but I don’t want to anymore.

#110

So I’ve been breaking up my listening more. Hour here and there. I basically just listen when I feel ready. Hard to describe, but I just know. It’s been much smoother. My super rigid listening schedule didn’t make any sense. Especially given how depending on my day I can either be super burned out or energized from work. So yeah, listening to my body is majorly important and I shouldn’t push it for the sake of faster results.

Having said that I’ve been listening to my custom an hour before sleep. 2 nights now I’ve had dreams of me seducing women. And last night I had a dream centered around a girl I’m fond of. I don’t know why I’m into her so much. It’s just one of those infatuations where my imagination is probably better than the reality. I think part of it might be because she would flirt with me in high school and I got overly attached to that. So now when I see her it brings up all of that.

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#111

Bringing this back to my own journal so I don’t clog up the rebirth discussion. But damn. Rebirth is throwing the questioning into overdrive.

Here we have ultima. Super powerful effect. Do I doubt that power? I don’t think so. What I’ve come to realize is I’m legit afraid of being happy and having a life that is amazing in all ways possible. Sure I tell myself I want it, but deep down I can feel a sort of kill switch when my life gets better.

It’s weird I’m not even at a point in my life anymore where I doubt the possibility of things. I know everything is possible. I just have a very visceral reaction to me as an individual being happy and living a life that isn’t painful.

It’s kinda like how if a person is overly nice to you, you might wonder what their intentions are. Or maybe that’s because I’m from NY. But same principle in play here. I don’t trust it, I think something bad is gonna happen. I can’t logically pinpoint why this is. It might be tied to my childhood. I mean when I was a kid I was pretty vibrant and lively, but I got a lot of negative reactions. And considering a happy life for me would be 100% pure expression of myself, maybe I’m afraid of that.

Maybe that’s been my major stumbling block with subs. The goal is really to get myself out there in the world, but I wanted to hide. And the closer I got to changes that “exposed” me more, the more I shut it down. Man how can fear of rejection influence all areas of your life this much though? I mean to be fair my fear of rejection has always been crippling. It’s not some minor quirk or just around girls or something like most people.

I legit got diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder at one point. Which is no joke. And I guess having crippling fear of rejection isn’t taken seriously or it’s seen as shallow or superficial. Well it’s not, not for me at least. It’s influenced every goddamn area of my life.

Funny how I decided to go with starkQ in my custom which would intentionally put me in the spotlight. I guess deep down I wanted to do a complete 180 to how I lived most of my life.

I’ll be honest this one’s giving me a real wtf moment. It’s like seeing the root cause offender and how all the various symptoms branched off of it. But sitting there thinking, how the fuck did this even happen?

#112

I’m thinking something about my own process; and I’m typing it here (once again) because your journey kind of reminds me of it.

It seems to me that part of the growth, healing, evolution process involves developing nuance where we had less or none. It’s kind of mysterious exactly how this happens sometimes, but it does happen.

As an example, I may notice that I do not take much action because I tend to dissect any idea or plan that I have with an axe of Doubt. Not even to the level of specificity of consciously saying ‘it will never work’, even more basic and general than that. Like just silently assuming that there is not yet enough of [X] for things to be ready to work on yet.

Then somehow it may just occur to me, ‘Hmm…what if I’m actually ready to try some of these ideas now? What if I don’t have to prepare ahead as much as I assumed that I did?’. And then I may try a few things, find that I get some positive feedback, and then discover that I am now involved in a creative process.

It seems to me that things sometimes develop like that. The answers or solutions come not because we rose to or defeated the challenge that we initially perceived; but because we developed the ability to see the situation differently (often seeing choices where we before we saw no choices).

Didn’t get this quite as clearly expressed as I intended. But don’t want it to be too long. So I’ll stop there.

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#113

That was pretty clear to me, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I know for me it’s probably a self protection mechanism. Hiding stuff from myself in plain sight. Maybe even self generated challenges to keep me away from the thing I’m trying to protect. It’s all very tricky at times.

Appreciate you stopping by to share the insight. It’s always nice to hear and bounce ideas off individuals with similar minds.

#114

Something pretty significant happened for me last night. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this, but it had to do with my music. I just sat down and started playing different note combinations on my keyboard using my ear to figure out what I liked. Making chords and such and playing little melodies. I had this nostalgic sense of when I got my first DAW and didn’t know what I was doing but I felt good creating anyway.

I think the fear of rejection is being worked on a lot in the background. As a consequence of that I find myself getting in touch with my real creative instincts vs the almost paranoid is this good enough feeling I usually fall into. Making a whole song still seems like a daunting task but I feel like I’m getting closer to making it more natural and enjoyable for me vs a rigid stressful process.

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#115

I am sorry if this sounds annoying but i just had to say this… Everytime i see this thread title on the forum, Chris Jerichos WWE theme song starts playing in my head.

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#116

Lmao I’m dead

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#117

So weird one. Not sure if BL or Rebirth. But I’m thinking Rebirth. I basically woke up in the middle of the night and my mind was like “fix your shit”. Side note I often used sleeping in the past to escape my problems. Would be interesting if waking up was a way of preventing me from escaping that healing. I pretty much woke up, had focus on letting go of the negativity, then went back to sleep.

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#118

That intuitively sounds like Rebirth.

Don’t know what it was; but it was definitely something.

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#119

Do you have Rebirth in any of your Customs to nuance it even more?

#120

No, but I do have unlimiter as a module which might be complementing it.