Got my custom yesterday, super hype to run it. But I’m easing into it with 1 loop for a week and then bumping it up if I feel I can take more. Anyway, for anyone that didn’t see the post where I broke it down, here’s what I’ve got.
Ultimate Artist Q
Energetic Development XI
Negative Energy Transmutation
Epigenetics & DNA Modulator
The Merger of Worlds
Financial Success Reality Shifter
GENERAL PERSONALITY ENHANCEMENT
Joie de Vivre
Ran 1 loop today and feeling a lot more anger inside me. And I know why. I’m sick of telling myself I’ll stand up for myself, but then I’m too afraid to do it. Too much people pleasing. Way too damn much people pleasing.
I’m tired of using the excuse of seeing the good in people as a way to avoid standing up for myself. Some people are always gonna suck and I don’t want to deal with the mess of bullshit I’ve constantly run into in the past where I accept the abuse because it’s easier. No more staying in situations that suck because I’m too afraid to move on. The amount of misery I put myself though is staggering and it could all be avoided if I just stopped caring what others think so much. Hence the inclusion of Rogue in my modules. I just look at my past and see now how I justified the horrible behavior of other people. Maybe I subconsciously felt I deserved it, I’m not sure. What I do know is I’m not gonna take it anymore.
But overall I’m sick of the way my life is going. I kept telling myself for years its was “ok”. Or worse that I was being entitled and anything more than this was me being ungrateful. I guess at a certain point in life it stopped being ok for me to express how I felt about the world and my place in it.
This journey with this custom sub is gonna be so much more than achieving some goals out in the world. It’s about taking back my freedom and control of my own life. It’s about not just understanding, but embodying the principal of being the most important thing in my own life. When things compromise my own mental or physical health and putting up boundaries so I can say no. It is NOT about suppressing my own needs so I can perform some basic unfulfilling tasks in the world to survive. I’m not some human resource to be exploited and disposed of and I know plenty of people want to treat me like that.