Best subliminal/stack to deal with helicopter parents

Questions and Comments
#35

Most collectivist cultures approach the family something like a corporation. It’s not about leaving, it’s about gaining in power and influence as you rise through the ranks.

Just like in the working world, though, conflicts arise when your personal mission statement does not align with that of the corporation; or your personal culture (needs, values, worldview, etc.) is not harmonious with the general culture of the corporation. That can present serious obstacles to ‘rising through the ranks’, taking on more power, getting more respect, and so on.

Your original posts sounded like you are pretty ambivalent about leaving. But while you are working out your position on that, an appropriate interim goal would be to get yourself to the point where you can contribute financially to the family, and work towards financial, if not residential, independence. You’d need to work out your own ideal approach to that. How much you keep for yourself and how much you let them in on.

You know your family best, so you’ll know if the above idea is even workable. For example, if you think you’ll resent them too much or that you’ll have too much trouble maintaining appropriate boundaries around time and money demands, then maybe go for some other strategy. But it is one of the traditional routes to individuation within a collectivist family system.

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#36

@Malkuth - this is exact plan I aim to do. Contribute a particular percentage of my income to my parents when I am earning. They deserve it anyways especially since they took care of my health no expenses denied (among many other things).

Also, as you pointed at, earning more money does confer power to make your own decisions. Since family (and people in general) consider those who earn more to be more valuable and hence higher status, there is more freedom psychologically too.

If all that doesn’t work, I plan to just bail. It’s my life anyways.

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#37

I financially supported my parents for many decades yet they never showed any appreciation for it so I stopped. However if they asked for money I would give them what they needed if it was some kind of emergency.

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#38

In a way, that’s the freest position to be in. You have a choice. You’ve tried both options, and you’re equally able to go either way. On top of that, you’re financially capable of doing so, whether you choose to do it or not. To me, there’s a freedom in knowing that you can support them if you choose and/or if it’s necessary.

I’ve never reached the level of wealth where I could support my parents. (Mainly because I have two children). Fortunately, they have not needed me to do so. But it’s still a kind of internal dream that I have. It’s not to repay them for anything. For me, it’s a kind of symbolic benchmark that you’ve reached a certain level of prosperity. Yes, it’s also because I love them. But it’s also about myself.

I have a shortlist of people to whom I imagine giving money when I reach a certain level of wealth. In most cases, my ideal situation would be to somehow get it to them anonymously. Their gratitude or dependence would feel like a chain holding me down. I want to be able to give it. And when I give it, it’s part of my plan. Not because of guilt or obligation.

Giving someone money can in many cases be very destabilizing for that person. Money represents choices. And too many choices can be dangerous if you’re not ready for them. So, I also don’t want to harm people by “giving them money”.

It’s actually a little tricky to explain.

Maybe it’s more about my own psychological experience. Knowing that I’m able to do it would be meaningful to me.

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#39

@TheBoxingScientist - I feel you, man. Am luckier in that regard. My parents do appreciate what I do. Unfortunately, they are too overprotective and controlling. So yeah.

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#40

I’ve been reading this forum throughout this weekend And reading up on ascended mogul and emperor and I think it’s best I hold off on having emperor in my stack for now. my plan is use ascended mogul to find a full time job. Like some of you guys mentioned with money comes independence and freedom. So I’m gonna use ascended mogul to get myself a job and get my money right. once that happens I will add emperor into my stack and use it to help me evolve in the most uncomfortable ways I know it’s going to but most importantly I’m gonna use it to help me break free from my parents.
This may not take long before i reintroduce emperor to my stack I’ve been aggressively Applying for jobs and there’s some opportunities for me to get one.
it’s very interesting About 15 or 16 days ago I started AM and few days later out of nowhere shockingly I found out my building will not be renewing the contract for my security company. Now my building still wants some of us, me included we will just be under a new company. Maybe there is a potential for a increase in pay ? maybe ascended mogul manifested this ?
I also took action yesterday and called the building manager I had been running emperor along with AM pass 2 days and was offered a 7 to 3 weekday position. I would get insurance to. Responsibility and stress will be high because my building has heavy foot traffic during the week. I ran from responsibility al my life and stayed in my comfort zoom so this doesn’t scare me now. I’m so ready to become a man even if it won’t be easy.
I’m only hesitant to take the position because I have lots of things planned. I want to get my substitute teacher license, want to start volunteering as well help children Or animals in need. I may not take the job for this reason just keep my weekend position and find another weekday job where I can negotiate hours so during the day I can work on those goals above. Idk.
Last thing I mentioned that job to my mom and dad and like a textbook helicopter dad and mom they told me not to take the job because the fire alarm is going to go off and your going to have to deal with to much stress etc
I told them I have to learn if I want to move up I need to learn how to handle difficult situations. I had to shut myself up though because I felt anger rise because it’s not their decision, it’s my decision if I want the job or not.
if I don’t take it it won’t be because of them though, it will be because I want to work on my substitute teachers license, and volunteering working with kids because I need hands on experience, so i can apply to jobs working with kids.
Last thing then I’ll shut up. As all of this was unfolding I was just sitting back listening and in my head I was like all my life Just like this exact moment I let my dad tell me what I can and can’t do and if I keep having him make all the decisions in my life I’m never gonna live up to my potential. Rollo talks about being your mental point of origin. I’m not my dad is my mental point of origin, when I make decisions I think what will my dad think and say.
my mom just sits back and follows my dad if he says no then she will say no, if she says yes he says no, then it’s no.
I’m not ready to go to battle with my parents just yet. I need to get myself a full time job first.
I’m gonna use ascended mogul to get me a job and get my money right with ascension thrown in there here and there then after I get a job,
I’ll be adding emperor in.
This quote was one of the ones that helped me determine my goals for now

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#41

I don’t think this is true. You could be making serious coin and still feel obligated to your parents.

A radio talk show host over here said it best:

"You owe your parents nothing and your children everything"

This is a mind/spiritual thing. Ties still bind, even abusive parents still have control over adult children who have already left. It’s hard to leave if you’re not an independent minded person and guilt is controlling your mind.

I don’t know what the solution is for freeing your mind from this tie. The best thing is to somehow develop mental autonomy. Emperor and Ascension will help you be your own man - at least.

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#42

Sometimes there is a price to pay for freedom. I had to disconnect from my community because i did not agree with their views and beliefs. When you disconnect it can shed blood and tears but its worth it.

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#43

The law of polarity.

If you’re fighting someone you’re as tied to them as if you’re obeying all of their commands. If you’re hating someone you’re as bound to them as if you’re loving them. All you’ve done is change the polarity. A false escape.

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes a false escape may be exactly what the doctor ordered.

But sometimes not.

The endgame is to transcend the situation. To grow out of it.

Who knows? There may be some dramatic moment when you confront one or both of your parents. And that may make some sort of difference on some level.

For me, personally, I’d doubt it. The person who needs to be convinced is not them. It’s you. So, if asked, my vote would be to focus your energy on your own growth and empowerment. External and Internal. Having money will probably help. @Michel is right that it’s not some sort of simplistic, magic wand that will easily grant freedom, but it’ll probably still be an improvement.

Also, the steps that you take yourself through as you build up your own money and plans are likely to strengthen the same muscles you’ll use to establish appropriate boundaries and independence.

Any genuine transformation process will surprise the one who has been transformed. You don’t know exactly where this path will take you and, we commenting here definitely also do not, but it’s clear that this change is one that you desire to make.

Hmmm…one other thing. To the degree that it’s possible, remember that your parents are just two human beings. Two grown up children who passed through experiences and developed identities just like you have done. This is true of all human beings. I know that there’s that behaviorally-reinforced sense that they are larger than life, but it’s just a psychological reality. Objectively, they are two grown up babies, just like all adults are.

Challenge yourself to look at them realistically, as neither angels nor demons, as neither absolutely perfect, nor monstrously flawed. They’re people. Try to stay grounded in that. And then gradually work to bring your own power into reality.

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#44

I would say that economic freedom does help a lot. Imagine being at the mercy of someone else in terms of money. They can cut you off from financial help if you disagree with them and make it difficult to gain freedom. Money is freedom at a very foundational level. Although I do find value in the advice given here to achieve a sense of mental independence from the parents too. It is also possible that different people are attached differently to their folks. Some are chained more at the emotional level, some more at the financial, etc.

In the end, achieve total independence whether it involves mind, money or anything else. And let each decide what steps will best work for them.

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#45

I added EmperorQ to my stack based on Saint’s recommendation and it is immense. If you are currently a “boy”, or and adult child, EmperorQ will turn you into a man.

Man needs to earn money, build his own empire, get fit, smash random girls and generally enjoy life. To build his own emotional independence and resilience, to cope with the ups and downs.

Adult child men don’t know how to do this just yet. They can’t cope as they have no drive to survive, just fear of the future and present comfort. Emperor might just help here to push one to break away mentally at first.

For disclosure, I’m in the same boat at age 39. Moved out twice, moved back in again.

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#46

I want to run Emperor Q but i’m in constant contact with my mother and my daughter(s). I’m 29 at home with my mother. But whenever I ran Emperor, I was always angry and confrontational and I can’t do that surrounded by women, because I’m a big black male and When I get angry things get broken. I’m wondering if I should do the same and give empQ a run. My mother isn’t a “heicopter” I dont think but its just little things that a mother woud be concerned about. I dont know exactly what to run but I want to dedicate the last ^ months of this year to Moving out and getting my own money.

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#47

Hmmm…might take a bit of experimentation to figure out the best strategy.

How about StarkQ?

Seems less driving, and more charismatic. Might do better for maintaining harmony with loved ones.

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#48

Stark Q has been smooth i’m running it right now.

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#49

@Malkuth - yup. Am running StarkQ instead of EmperorQ for the same reason.

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#50

StarkQ will soften out the EmperorQ hard edges, for sure. It will also give you your life’s purpose to follow.

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#51

Some men can still hear the voice of their mother and Or father in their head, and all the self limiting beliefs and old tapes still playing in their head,even after there parent or parents have long passed away. It’s like even though the parents are no longer alive the child whose now an adult is still stuck with the same issues that they faced when the parents were still alive. The mother and father are no longer alive but in the mans mind and thoughts the parents are still Alive and still dictate the way he thinks and acts

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#52

Their thoughts are their reality. The same thoughts keep on running in their head, thus reinforcing their 3D reality.

#53

Run a single loop and see how it goes for you. If you still feel good throw in another loop the following day.

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#54

@Grimm1390 whilst true that our parents shape our beliefs, as an adult you now get to choose what to believe.

“I don’t believe I can survive by myself in the big bad world” - how does that feel?

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