AzrielLight EmperorQ

Journals - Major Programs
#425

On the walk home, I realized I was near my brothers and decided to call him to walk with me for a bit.
He said he had to go to the grocery store and did I want to go with him. I said sure.

All this was very out of my way and unlike what I would usually do but I felt guided to do so.

Anyway at the grocery store, there was an insanely attractive woman at one of the registers. When I got my stuff to go I started talking to her, the attraction between us was palpable, electric, and smooth.

We kept making extended sexual eye contact between small talk, she had the ‘puppy dog’ look. I kind of just expected it to be a fun encounter but started to actually really want to move things forward, but wasn’t sure how while she was working. I let it go and then she complimented my mask/ bandana and said I look like some anime character, from some ninja clan. (she gave insane specifics on name, clan, etc I just don’t recall)

I laughed and we got into a talk about anime. The line behind us is building up more and more. I said I like Hunter X and she got really excited. She was obsessed with it, it sounded like. She asked me a really exact question excitely, and I could tell from Primal Seduction, subconcious coaching in retrospect, that had I answered it positively she would have asked for my number or to hang out. I didn’t want to lie, and got stiff for a second and answered in a way that brought the energy back a step.

Things smoothed out In the end she proffered her instagram. I was really looking forward to DM’ing her, or whatever the kids do these days. (I’m 32) But realize on my way home, I was completely not consciously listening to her words, was just feeling her and really had not idea what she had said her instagram was :joy:. I searched a few permutations of what it might be, but couldn’t find her. I’ll just invite her out to hang next time I’m there.

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#426
#427

Interesting, good luck!

1 Like
#428

2ebv46
2ebv462763×1296 117 KB

MY MAN!

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#429

I’m traveling with the family this week
the first day we drove up together was awesome,
it got a little crazy at the end cause our
transmission broke and was leaking. I end up having to push the car up a hill at the last stretch
and was surprised at how easy it was. I’ve tried to do that in the past, after my injury and super strong years, without success.

I’m a little confused by the physical effects from my custom and/or Emperor. My body composition has morphed dramatically and with long term success with minimal working out, my strength and movement skill goes up quickly when I have consistency, and I’m able to workout around physical pain, partially Spartan…

But the tension in my neck is at an insane all time high, I’m getting lots of new little pains and issues in my shoulders and wrists, and I’m really doing nothing particularly differently. My previous chronic pain/tightness in back is staying more stable than usual on one hand but worse in the hip now on that side, and not getting particular better, maybe really slowly, I can’t tell and I err on the side of noticing results positively.

I’m just surprised at the drastic difference between the speed of certain physical attributes developing and the slowness of others. I suppose body composition morphs fast than internal structural healing or flexibility. I just wish this particular area I could point at with the obvious results of everything else, as it’s such a lynch pin to my well being.

I’m also noticing jaw pains which may have to do with some facial morphing effect of Sexiness Physical Shifter. Beards to big to see a difference, but my jawline feels different, this has been something I haven’t consciously cared about.

4 Likes
#430

I just finished day off number 1 this week, and again the bloom reconciliation is insane.

I get this super insidious doubt and ‘inner critical voice of hatred, that’s just like, nothings changed, this is not working, your the same, everything is the same, your thinking things are different is just you feeling good, like when your drunk and think your cool etc…’ Being around family dynamics on this day also has not helped. lol

When this occurs I can find evidence in the moment for that of course, but I know it is objectively not true, I literally had the exact same occurrence and self conversation on day 1 off last week so it’s clear it’s a pattern for me. It’s just funny how off day 1 and old programming shines through, then 1 day later its completely gone. Let’s see what tune I’m singing tomorrow :slight_smile:

Even before this though

I’ve been in and out of reconciliation lately. Not that level of doubt kind at all, but just under performing, some headaches, getting a bit burnt out.

I’m having increasing trouble running the normal loops of Emperor, some days it’s just perfect and can run 3+ loops.
But others it seems anything after 1 loop causes insane reconciliation. Other subs that day do not cause reconciliation so it seems Emperor specific. I do Emperor first of any subs in the day so I don’t think any stacked stuff is contributing.

I believe this is lack of action in the right direction-kind of reconciliation-from Emperor.

I have not yet tested Terminus Emperor custom yet, I will do so after my break this weekend.

Also in general increasingly dissatisfied with my status quo, This feels like a good thing.
I’ve been happy with the progress I’ve made in all areas of my life, and incredibly happy with my personal transformation since running Emperor. It’s crazy how different I am.

But If I’m honest with myself, currently I feel stuck. I want to be honest with myself that I’m stuck. The admittance of that can lead to opening up something new but until I acknowledge it, it will perpetuate itself.

In the past I used being ‘stuck’ as an excuse to not try something or out of unwillingness, or even laziness, but that is not the case now.

I am taking time, effort, and energy to regain clarity and experiment with things inside the intention of creating something new, relevant, passionate, and amazing in my life in the area of vocation/career/finance.

As I’m typing this I see I have a deep rooted belief that I have ‘the magnet and destiny for work and purpose missing’ and wondering what my life would be like without that belief-New Beginnings in real time :joy:

Anyway I’m going to start posting on my thread 5 days a week minimum to lock in the general metrics for the day and for my own benefit. It may not be as interesting as the sporadic posts about results I have but will hopefully offer some value to myself and others.

Lastly I am listening through the recommended Astrology program from @Simon and @Malkuth
and will post findings here and on the chart thread. Basics is Looking at Mars-planet of passion, and Venus-planet of what I love and am loved for to determine/give guidance towards path and career. Venus in Taurus 4th House and Mars in Capricorn 5th house.

I am also actively re-engaging my spirituality by going through a 10 week meditation program from a book called The Presence Process and reading another spiritual book recommended by @khan

I appreciate the resources of guidance and insight that others on the forum consistently provide.

2 Likes
#431

sounds like the subliminals might be throttled too high.

there are two parts to being stuck:

  1. actually not being in movement or in progress
  2. not being aware of the movement or progress that is taking place (due to being numb, or due to that progress being subtle, slow, or in an unexpected/unattended-to locus)

make sure you have beneficial practices going on that have nothing at all to do with subliminals. (i’m guessing you already do.) Those can be anything that matters to you: playing piano, walking your dog (or yourself), weight training, dancing, having honest heart-to-hearts in valued relationships, astronomy

It doesn’t matter as long as they are valuable to you. These practices form a bulwark against the voices of self-criticism and doubt. They do much more than that, but that’s one useful thing that they do. If you were learning Czech, and you memorized 5 phrases last week, or you were more easily able to link some language patterns together (i.e., increased fluency), that change is objective. Your inner critic will just have to eat crow for a while and then find something else to criticize you about (it will. they’re really good at what they do.).

But doing this also takes some of the urgent pressure off of the subliminal. It takes you out of that ‘waiting’ mindset. That one where you have your arms crossed and you’re just Standing In Front of the Mirror with your brows furrowed, waiting to be better. “When is this damned transformation going to happen?!”

I hate advice posts. And this one reads just like one. Know that this is me giving advice to myself at the same time.

3 Likes
#432

Yes, I had many of these practices and enjoyments for a while, and a lot of them have fallen off. I’ve judged them as not moving what mattered in my life. But I will re implement that, as well as new things.

I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself , my current work situation has been increasingly toxic/off to the point where I am leaving in three months. I can see the way I’m putting this pressure on myself is not effective for this though.

It will be really useful to have consistent progress in those things like you mentioned to look at and see what has improved.

I’m not so much in the waiting mindset as the ‘I have to do something but what!’ mindset lol-which may actually be the waiting mindset in disguise haha.

:slight_smile: I have nothing about being given advice and get a lot of value out of what you just shared.
It’s also obvious to me when the advice given is appropriate, as in this case, and inappropriate.
Like when someone starts saying generalization without having heard or understood the situation of the other person. Your speaking directly to what I said specifically, so it’s clear you heard, understood, and are familiar with what I am talking about.

3 Likes
#433

Can you clarify what you mean by throttled to high (i.e. over exposure etc) and expand on how you see the relationship of subliminals be throttled to high and lack of movement or progress vs. not being aware of movement or progress? Does the throttling lead to the former or the latter or both in your opinion?

#434

I think it leads to the latter.

Kind of like how if your goal were to run 1000 miles and you just finished running 10, there’s a pretty big chance that your mind would characterize those ten miles as ‘nothing’. (Unless you’re an advanced zen practitioner. They register ridiculous levels of experiential subtlety.)

I think that playing many loops of a particular subliminal places a kind of urgency on the bodymind.

Imagine if your name was Charles and you were hanging out with someone. To get your attention the person calls you, ‘Charles’. You smile and look up, “Yes?”.

Now picture that instead the person says “charles charles charles charles charles Charles Charles Charles Charles Charles CHARLES CHARLES CHARLES CHARLES CHARLES!! CHARLES!! CHARLES!! CHARLES!! CHARLES!! CHARLES!!”

It’s definitely going to get your attention. But how do you imagine that you might respond?

Now if after all of that has been dealt with and everyone is calm again, and the person whispers ‘charles’. It will register on your hearing, but your response may be a bit muted. You had adjusted your inner standard to compensate for a really powerful message. So now your attention may register the single ‘charles’ as Nothing.

—————-

I think that a Terminus build may give rise to a similar dynamic sometimes.

But I think it can impact people pretty differently depending on their lifestyles. To go back to your Charles-obsessed friend. If your friend yelled Charles twenty times while you were in the library studying quietly that would be one thing. But if you were in the Army infantry going for a forced march through the hills, it would be a lot less overwhelming. It might even just sound like an enjoyable marching cadence, and give you motivation to keep walking.

I think that’s the equivalent of being really active in the area related to the subliminal or of having some other practices that really counteract overwhelm.

————-

This is stream-of-consciousness. Not sure if I hit the entire question.

Basically, to me, throttling the subliminals too high means that the intensity and urgency of the messages coming in is overwhelming the structure (of your mind and lifestyle) that exists to receive that message.

I send you 1000 e-mails right now, and they all need same-day responses. That means the e-mailing is throttled way too high. It’s too much to handle. But if next week you go out and hire/outsource 10 assistants, the 1000 e-mails will be a lot but manageable.

If you, as a single individual, receive those 1000 e-mails and in 3 hours you manage to respond to 300 of them, you have actually made great progress, but since your goal is 1000 it may feel like nothing much has happened.

Hence:

4 Likes
#435

This makes a lot of sense,
if I keep getting that particular experience
I need to lower the loops or up the action.

Last night I finished that astro course I said I would
2 chapters from different books I was reading
and spent an 1/2 hour going through a clarity exercise.
Even though those are little things, already feels like more momentum
and less self doubt.

thanks @Malkuth

2 Likes
#436

posting my Big 5 results from last year.
I’m curious to retake it since subs
I’m pretty positive my
my conscientiousness is definitely higher both in industrious and organization
my neuroticism is lower in withdraw and volatility

Agreeableness 13th percentile/ extremely low

  • Compassion 66th percentile
  • Politeness-0th percentile

Conscientiousness 41st percentile/ average

  • Industriousness 44th percentile
  • Orderliness 41st percentile

Extraversion 92 percentile/ extremely high

  • Enthusiasm 64th percentile
  • Assertiveness 97th percentile

Neuroticism 76th percentile/ moderately high

  • Withdrawal-72nd percentile
  • Volatility-77th percentile

Openness to experience 97th percentile/ extremely high

  • Intellect 96th percentile
  • Openness 93rd percentile
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#437

I disagree. :joy:

(Pun intended)

1 Like
#438

@DarkPhilosopher

I think I’m starting to get the hang of this purple fire…
when you get a chance can you drop the Jr. on my name
so I can become a proper Alchemist
They grow up so fast :upside_down_face::blush:

also can I get the new coupon code,
I got multistage programs to purchase.

1 Like
#439

Love your action taking! Always good stuff to read here! Keep up the journal! :slight_smile:

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#440

Key take away(s) from the “Understanding Myself” big 5 test

“Very open, creative people can be impractical and flighty, however (particularly if low in conscientiousness). It can be extremely difficult to transform creativity into money, or into a career. High levels of openness are, furthermore, necessary for entrepreneurial success, and often prove useful at the top of hierarchies, even in very conservative occupations such as banking, accounting and law, which need creative people in leadership positions to provide new vision and direction.”

"People who are exceptionally low in politeness challenge and confront authority – and they are not obedient. If they are respectful, it is grudgingly, and will only be manifested toward people who continually both deserve and demand it. They are comfortable confronting other people, and enjoy it. People extremely low in politeness are motivated to engage in conflict, and to seek out confrontation… make it extremely difficult for them to find a place in the middle or lower in hierarchies of power and dominance. They are hyper-dominant, rather than submissive (particularly if they are also low in neuroticism)."

My moderately high levels of neuroticism have kept me appropriately submissive enough to keep the current work I have-but since Emperor my neuroticism has lowered to the point where this is more of a challenge lol

"People who are exceptionally high in openness to experience are poorly adapted to and do not do well in situations or occupations that are routinized and predictable. They fit badly at the bottom of hierarchies. They are unusually ill-suited to entry-level, repetitive, rote positions, because they are always thinking up new ways to do things, and such ideas are seldom welcome from someone at the bottom. They are extremely radical thinkers. They shake things up, particularly if they are also disagreeable and assertive. "

“People exceptionally high in intellect are obsessed by engaging with ideas and abstract concepts. They require exposure to novel information, particularly when it is complex and sophisticated. They are extremely curious and exploratory, and actively need to find, tackle and solve challenging problems. They will constantly seek out and initiate issue-oriented discussions, and tend to compulsively read, think about and discuss idea-centered books (generally non-fiction).”

" People exceptionally high in intellect find complex, rapidly changing occupations asbolutely necessary and will excel at them (particularly if they are also high in conscientiousness and low in neuroticism). However, they are not at all suited to stable, straightforward and more traditional occupations, where the rules don’t change, and will experience continual periods of boredom and intolerable levels of frustration in such positions. They are much more suited to entrepreneurial/creative enterprises (particularly if also high in the openness aspect of Opennes to Experience)."

One key for me will be to continually lower my neuroticism and increase my consciousness

#441

I find this song both comically hilarious and awesome

1 Like
#442

The Astro program was useful but very light on detail.
Essentially its use Mars and Venus to determine determine path and purpose
Mars=passion and motivation
Venus=what you love and are loved for

The rest of it is a brief description of each sign in each house.
Then there is a brief/ 1-3 sentence description of the North Node for each sign -which is the path to move in for the universes support.

My Mars is Capricorn. In he 5th house
My Venus is Taurus. in the 4th house

Very simply what I extrapolated from this is
Mars in Capricorn
My passion and motivation will be anything where I can continually move up the ladder and increase my authority.(the G.O.A.T gets to the top of the mountain :rofl:)

Example careers: CEO, managing authority of any kind

adding 5th house-if I or my work can be the center of attention and play is involved-Leo Energy. Will make good boss.

I used to do acting and loved it. Might revisit this.

Venus in Taurus
What I love and will be loved for is the finer material things, luxury, money, and anything that stimulates the senses. Example careers: Florist, Artist, Food Industry, Banker.

adding 4th house-this can have a domestic or nurturing element -Cancer Energy

North Node in Pisces

  • Purpose lies in creativity and imagination
  • Trusting in my intuition and 6th sense
  • Moving away from the organized reality of Virgo and off into the meditations and daydreams of Pisces
  • Ponder my place in the universe
  • Stop focusing on separateness and start focusing on the interconnections of everything.

Other notes I am seeing for myself

Sagittarius creates capacity to be natural teacher as my ascendant-teaching will be a natural extension of my personaility

My 10th house-the house of vocation has Scorpio in Pluto

Scorpio-mystery, magic, occult, esoteric, other people’s money, secrets-detective
Pluto Regeneration and transformation
10th house vocation-
with Scorpio in 10th house-vocation in something mystery/esoteric/occult that transforms individuals and/or society

So I have to find/create a career where I can continually rise in status raising my authority while being the center of attention, or my work is the center of attention, where I will love and loved for creating beauty/luxury/ wealth/ and stimulating senses in a way that is nurturing. There should be a teaching element and it should involve something magic/esoteric that transforms society. I have to do this all while following the path of my imagination and day dreaming, contemplating my role in the universe, and moving away from reality and into the interconnections of spirituality .

I’ll check Indeed .com right away :joy:

Honestly the only thing that seems to fit this is a professional influence as coach/teacher, or some kind of transcendental chef.

I’m kind of teasing as I have a lot more active thinking to work these out. If any suggestions pop up to anyone, please let me know.

1 Like
#444

Took 1 20 hour break mid weak from subs
1 60 hour break over week with a run of Sanguine Ultimate 1/3 in this week.
So this week took more time off subs than since I started with Sub Club

Day 1 break-miserable-even after Sanguine-Sanguine positively supported my outlook
Day 2 feeling great -back to normal -felt more integrated, work drive, productivity back online, went for a walk in town-insane attraction and interest from woman
Day 3 break- great-but reconciliation from day tripping with the family went I wanted to work.

Just ran first loop Emperor Terminus X

All I can say is woow… will report more in day

#445

with some support
from wiser fellows
I saw I was reading my chart off
I had the houses off

Mars in Capricorn in the 1st House (Aries energy/context)
Venus in Taurus in the 5th house (Leo energy/context)
North Node Pisces in the 3rd house (gemini energy/context)

Giving me a lot to work with, I’m refining my insights, among other things, with these new understandings and am creating an ideal career. I’ll then go out to start it or find it.

As @Malkuth said, Astrology doesn’t show us our passions, but it reminds of something that will resonate and feel already there.