Still really enjoying the stack, I am becoming a much calmer version of myself and my mood is really starting to shift into a more consistent positive mindset. In light of the news that a family friend is opening a business in the field that I am in school for and is making a co owner I have came to a lot of realizations over the past few days. Mainly in regards to internal growth, as well as a lot of painful memories from my past, from childhood to basically present time, also ways that I need to grow.
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Not going to go into full details on painful memories but a lot of them has been resurfacing, main scenarios are times I never stood up, nor respected myself. Has they come up one by one they dont cause as much pain as they used to, forgiving myself, and in some cases forgiving the person that caused the pain in said scenarios. Also having a desire to heal from my past and face myself to become a better man for the future to come. I have also realized a lot of memories and anxiety stem for more areas other than sex/women.
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In regards of women while I am a lot more relaxed around them, and they are becoming more friendlier to me, as well as giving me more looks. With everything going on I have decided that at this point in time I need to focus more on my internal growth, healing my past, and building my future with the business and finishing school. I’d rather chase my goals right now than chase women and sex. That said if someone does come along and she understands my situation and is to understand that I am more focused on my life, and of course if I vibe really well with her I will go for it. I have mentioned that I dont crave womens validation or attention to the point that I am realizing more of my self worth and promising myself to never rush into anything relationship wise again. She would have to prove to me that she is worth my time, and love just as much as I would to her and that one is very groundbreaking for me lol. No more just throwing it all at women.
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My business and reason why I am in school is massage therapy. If I am going to own/manage and work in my business that represents health and wellness, I want to be a reflection of that. I have been taking baby steps to cut back on drinking, cleaning up my diet, and coming up with a consistent workout routine and I am now even more motivated to accomplish those goals and turn them into more life long goals as well.
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Wanting more emotional control, I have improved a lot in this regard but still a long ways to go.
5.Wanting to conquer and destroy negative habits and old vices that has plagued me for years. With these subs I feel my internal power growing stronger every day and know that deep down I will become strong enough to accomplish this.
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Wanting to take charge of my life and no longer caring as much about what people want out of me, or their opinions. Unless they are opinions of trusted peers then I take more consideration on what the say.
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Im respecting and loving myself even more and setting up more boundaries.
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Obviously to anyone reading this will know that I desire a lot of change, in a way I almost want to be completely broken down and rebuilt.
Thats all I have for this list I know its a little disorganized and all over the place but these past few days have been eye opening and intense haha so this is me finally getting it out.
That said I will admit this. When I started my SubClub journey with emperor and got more familiar with other subs by reading descriptions, and looking at forums, a voice kept popping in my head the past 6 weeks that kept saying " You need a healing sub." I have disregarded it because I thought it was recon and well I didnt just want to buy a sub out of pure impulse. In light of the past few days and in regards of what I want to do for myself, I am starting to believe maybe there is merit to the voice in my head. I will also state that months ago I was looking up energy healing on a website and Dragon Reborn was advertised! So i bought it lol and after reading the description I decided I should wait and at least check out the other subs and now im here months later making journals lol.
Now I understand Dragon Reborn is one of the hardest subs to run especially for a beginner, but it correlates with my goals perfectly and I truly want to be reborn. Looking at the man in the mirror I know that I can be successful but not this current version of me. Im not speaking from a place of self hate/loathing I am speaking from a place of honesty, I no longer regret my past decisions nor the person I am right now, in fact I can finally say I love myself, but its truly time for change. Now I will say that even though I have followed the proper washout protocols I am taking a week off from subs so that way I can ultimately make this decision myself and not possible recon telling me to change a stack around. If I decide to go this route I will keep Ascension alongside DR while running multiple cycles of each stage. Maybe Stage 2 and 3 move onto Ascended Mogul, mainly for the business and wealth.
Well that was a lot but I needed to dump all of this so it can get out of my head and now I feel better! I also want to say that SubClub has really helped me out in regards of what I desire out of my life as well as myself, while also realizing my constantly growing internal power, and I could never have made these jumps in growth this quickly by myself, so I want to say thank you for all of these products SubClub has to offer, they truly are life changing.
All of you have a great weekend!
