Ascension is really kicking my butt. Not really sure how it might be catalyzing with Prim Sed or Spart.
I am just so close to anger all the time. There is a feeling that I have been let down by others and they deserve my wrath.
So anyway, if you are reading this, well fuck you.¯_ಠ_ಠ_/¯
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Feeling unsettled today. Every year I travel back to visit my mom in the place where I grew up for Memorial Day weekend, but not this year.
Anger and restlessness are an undercurrent in my Ascension listening.
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Creating Spotify playlists by myself and with friends. The most recent concept is âobsessedâ. What songs canât you stop listening to?
Music reveals a lot about people. I am often befuddled by the music people choose to listen to.
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I feel like in some subtle ways my identity has been shifting over the last several months. I have no desire to be too detailed about that on a public forum, but it is interesting how you can get subtle shifts and they cast your entire life in a different light.
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Kind of pissed off and inert today. Finding weird ways that I am letting myself think in ways I didnât before. Everybody seems so focused on getting what they think are the correct answers, joining the team that backs those belief systems and then defending them.
Nothing is true. Belief systems and âcorrectâ answers are a prison.
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Less than usual happening in the outer world, but so much of the usual and even some unusual turmoil beneath.
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I have really been practicing my online sexy talk . A lot of fun and it is amazing how turned on women get. It is also nice to be able to demonstrate and deploy mad skillz.
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How are you learning this? you are practicing on voice and modulation by mimicking any? curious 
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It is nice to have at least a couple of willing women who will give feedback, but I am constantly being playful in how I talk and text to women.
I have done a lot of reading and listening and practice in hypnosis and seduction, and have done improv comedy and creative writing and have had a lot of sex. I also do public speaking.
There are so many places and ways to just be playful and improvisational with women and watch carefully for what happens. Once you get rapport, essentially everything works.
I have certain ideas or bits that I can expand and play around with, but really, women love to be complimented, they love sensuality, they love you to take control of the experience and sweep them up. They want a chance to be ânaughtyâ and if you create a safe space for them they will want to show you how far they are willing to go, and of course it if is just online play, especially if it is texting rather than face to face talk, they often feel anonymous and will be more playful and go further. Never underestimate how powerful simple text without even your voice and image can be. That can give you a strong sense of the efficacy of your language and the intent you put behind it.
Women want your attention but not in a fawning way, more of a, I think you have something special, and so I, as a special and brilliant man am going to take you with me and give you this wonderful experience.
She is a prize among women, but, hey, you are even more of a prize and the two of you are a team, but you are team leader and calling the shots.
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With precious few things these days do I feel much motivation. It feels like Covid 19 has really sucked the life out of things in so many ways.
The only thing I donât really have to psyche myself up for are exercising; Thank you Spartan.
I finally visited a family member who lives an hour away from me yesterday. I have been so good at avoiding people since mid March. I really hadnât had any real face to face conversations that entire time. Sure I had some by Zoom or via e-mail or text, but that feels way different than face to face , though socially distanced, conversation.
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I feel so ungrounded these days. Disconnected from people, disconnected from my pre Covid 19 life. I do really well by myself, but I feel like I have lost faith in human culture and its ability to safely manage itself.
We are all on our own. It has always been true but covid has pulled back the curtain on the workings and shown them as they are.
Slowly beginning another day. I feel kind of pissed off all the time, still.
I feel like there is a weird whammy that Primal Seduction has put on me. Not sure where that is going. It has really gotten me pursuing women down online channels and I would have laughed at you a year ago if you had said I would be doing that. Sex and relationships are so much bigger than finding one women, bonding with her and focusing on the physical realm. Their are so many possibilities in the virtual and the imagination and the physical and where they interface.
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Well, I am finding myself in some weird limbo.
It seems like forever since this whole coronavirus thing started and put everything into a kind of endless stasis.
I am going to travel to visit family members over the weekend. I had last visited them in mid March. We will likely mostly just hang out in the home, but will probably go to a recently reopened restaurant for some socially distanced dining.