As I stated in a couple of posts last night I have decided to build the base I never have. I don’t really feel that at this time that I like myself a whole lot which breaks my heart to think about because I don’t feel that I am a bad person or anything I have just made a lot of mistakes I wished I hadn’t based mainly on my own beliefs and perception of myself.
I’m running the masked versions of the titles because I have tinnitus in my left ear . Saint said I should be good running the masked versions. I’m only running three minute loops at this time. I ran Ascension last night and I will run a three minute a loop of Love Bomb for Humanity and of Index Gate tomorrow and will follow the recommended instructions.
The other reason I am doing things this way is to help myself build patience . Something I have struggled with my entire life. I want to build a growth mindset. I feel that I am rigid in my thinking which has made it difficult to see potential opportunities that have been present in my life.
I don’t want to make the same mistakes anymore. I want to open a world of possibilities for myself that will allow me to grow and become the person I want to be. This has been a weird evaluation as it is because I keep feeling that what I thought I always wanted was really that. I posted about how from running Dragon Reborn for as long as I have that I have realized that I have spent the vast majority of my life going after and pursuing things including sex , relationships, jobs, and careers that in reality I never truly wanted or went after as a potential quick fix instead of taking the time to think things through. That I was listening to the wants and desires of the people who raised me.
Lastly I feel that I don’t know how to let go and allow myself to have fun and just be in the moment. I have posted about this in the past. I want to be a better person and a better husband and friend to my Wife. No we aren’t having issues but I do think I can grow and be better.