@HappyHero - you know that’s interesting. When I see others getting published, I wonder why I can’t do the same. But when others are making music, I enjoy it since I don’t feel am competing in that. It’s a sure sign that we desire to improve what we are passionate about and that sort of envy actually points us in the right direction.
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I think that all of these fears and regrets and imaginings are kind of artificial, not accurate. It’s imagining something from the outside. I’m not saying the fear or regret is not real. I’m just saying that it seems based on an erroneous perception.
There is no external state in this world that in and of itself makes life good. Having money. Being popular. Being a great artist. Getting lots of sex. They’re very appealing. But they don’t make life good. What makes life good is if you’re enjoying what you’re doing. For every great musician who loves it, there’s another great musician who doesn’t love it, because they were forced to do it or they feel they’re chasing after some kind of external stamp of approval or accolade. And that’s true for every single category of endeavor.
It’s the strength to appreciate that makes life good. It’s not that having enough externally labeled ‘good things’ somehow forces you to appreciate.
I think we are all working on creating the inner strength to build lives that we find inspiring, fun, and meaningful; and even more than that we’re working to achieve the inner strength and prosperity that endows you with a wealth of appreciation to give (wherever you see fit to give it).
I don’t love music because I think the musicians are so amazing and better than anyone else (even though many of them are really awesome). I enjoy the music because it’s beautiful. All creative people will tell you that beyond a certain point, the creative process is a mystery. These ideas come to you, but where did they come from? Then you use your skills to polish those ideas, refine them, and express them. But they didn’t fundamentally originate from ‘you’ (‘you’ referring to that somewhat conscious identity that we tend to over-identify with) anymore than your height, eye color, or internal organs originated from ‘you’.
People are always taking credit for and blaming ourselves for things that we did not even actually accomplish. You tell a guy or a girl, wow, you’re so beautiful. And the person actually feels proud. (I’m no exception.) But that’s kind of stupid, because your appearance is (in many cases) not an achievement. And if it is an achievement, it’s almost less impressive sometimes; because it seems less natural. (but that’s a digression).
An artist is a midwife; a bridge. S/he allows an idea to come into the world and the greatest skill involves being able to get out of the way so that the idea can shine clearly.
We talk about art as if it’s an accomplishment. But I think great artists usually know that it was actually a collaboration, with Nature.
When you start thinking of the outcome much more than you focus on the process, that’s a sign that something needs to be adjusted.
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Maybe there is a solution to that. It may take some time but it is something I am experimenting with a lot lately. I take a notebook and write something like “I was great at selling my stuff when I was a kid, so I can be a great seller” or “Others become millionaires all over the world. And money of them aren’t that bright. It is literally happening every other day. I can do the same, since I have same or even better conditions” You see how it goes. You just rationalize that there are people out there who do the exact same thing like you want to do. It is happening all the time, so it is possible. It is happening all around the world, so why should you not be able to do it?
I guess this may take some time and repetition but maybe it will work just as intended
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Still unwinding my bad habit of emotional suppression. I was really wound up today, super anxious, kept wanting to work on music but I could not focus and I was exhausted. So I just sat with myself and unloaded everything. I don’t know at what point I did it, but somewhere in my life I told myself I was only ever allowed to be confident, positive, and strong. Trying to undo that now. Ironically the more I thought I had control, the less I had. Whereas if I let these negative thoughts in and remain non-reactive to them, they lose their influence.
I think maybe I just read too much bad self help books when trying to improve myself. Some of it didn’t focus on the totality of being a human being and really hammered the point home about being some idealized version of yourself. Maybe that was my interpretation though. Doesn’t really matter what caused it as long as I understand how to stop with the bad habits.
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Thinking about your latest post and this thread triggered a minor-epiphany for me.
Attempting to communicate epiphanies is a risky business. Sometimes they come out sounding like ‘It’s all BLUE, maaaaan!’ Which was usually not the intended insight. The problem is that the epiphany represents a major shift/insight in your personal journey. To convey it to someone else would require facilitating an equivalent shift in their journey. Like translating literature or poetry. The words alone are not going to cut it; you need to convey (and trigger) an experience.
So, I probably won’t be able to manage that, but, anyway, here goes.
I realized and noticed that, taken en masse, all of the subliminal programs are doing something that is deeper and farther-reaching than just the specific goal of each program.
They’re changing my mind into a friend and ally
I don’t know if I can convey the significance of that, because I don’t fully know it (experientially) myself.
There have always been parts of my mind that I had to work and fight against. Often, I projected them onto the world at large. Yes, one could say that they were all different expressions of Fear. But that over-simplification undercuts the richness and 10000-facedness of the experience of it.
The bottom-line is that part of learning to cope involved 1) limiting the power of some of those parts of my mind and 2) forming an uneasy truce with the parts that just refused to cooperate.
But, the more ways we find to really effectively communicate and work with those deeper less conscious aspects of our minds (that, again, are often projected outwards in our subjective experience as ‘The World’ or ‘People’ or ‘Reality’), the more our mind starts to become an ally, and, man, that’s just crazy, to me anyway.
I also realized that working with the hypnotic metaphors in The Commander was facilitating this insight. In retrospect, that is obvious. But, hey, the sun and the moon are pretty damned obvious, but they’re also mind-blowing and spectacular.
Okay, well, I’m going to give up on this attempt. But, umm, thanks?
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Lol, I feel the same way with epiphanies at times. But I 100% understand. The whole ally thing is something I feel as well.
And this right here I relate to as well. I think it’s like you said, working with those parts not against them. In the end when you fight to overcome parts you’re just fighting yourself and then they never really go away, just diminished in power.
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One thing I learned to do was to live without a lot of hope; hope that external conditions would be very good.
I detached from external conditions. But not out of ‘enlightenment’. It was for survival. I had to uncouple my feelings from the world that I perceived around me because I felt powerless in that world. I used my intellect and my imagination to cope with that sense of powerlessness. Again, it was not ‘enlightenment’ , but there were some valuable insights I learned. There are probably insights to be gained in any possible human condition we can be in.
To be honest, i think hope makes me cry more than pain or discouragement. I’m somewhat ready for pain or discouragement; but hope blindsides me.
I don’t trust or want to spend much time with anyone who claims to offer answers. I’ve learned to value questions much more than answers.
I just want to journey this journey.
And I’m trying to be brave enough to allow hope.
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Thanks for sharing that. I can see from the post how the layers are being peeled back and things are becoming clearer for you. These are definitely those survival strategies that are so interwoven sometimes that you can’t even “see” how destructive they can be for your own wellness. Learning to expect disappoint at all times vs great things and then subconsciously gravitating towards what would cause the disappointment because there is a certain proficiency with handling those. A self fulfilling prophecy. I fully relate to that. Like you I’m trying to invite more hope into my life and believe these great things can come to me.
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I can’t really say if things are getting clearer or not. Subjectively, it doesn’t really feel that way.
You know?
Anyway, that’s enough space I’ve taken up in your journal for one day. 
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Yeah it’s always hard to tell. It might not be the whole picture but it’s part of it and every little bit counts.
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Mood right now. Finding being around people incredibly draining. Social interaction feels unrewarding and in general like a chore. Incredibly tired of dealing with things at my job, full on burnout. As much as I want to believe outside circumstances don’t dictate your mental state, I’ve never been able to function in toxic environments. I can’t just let shit go or not take things to heart. I’m trying to be better because I realize no situation is ideal and it’s better to learn to control your internal state rather than rely on finding ideal circumstances. But like I said, I have a lot of trouble doing that right now.
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Empath problems…
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Any advice? I know some people advise visualization and energy work to create a shield. Never had much luck with that. Maybe with more practice and using the so below supercharger. As I was meditating over the weekend I did notice “pieces” of other people inside of me. Never considered myself an empath, but my experience over the weekend had me thinking about things differently. If I am pulling in other people’s energy all the time it would make sense why my head feels like a thousand angry hornets and I need two days minimum to create some peace of mind.
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Dude, you’re an empath. 
Advice? It’ll probably won’t apply, but in my case empathy was “taught” at an early age in order to be subservient to another. So inner child healing is one option. Boundaries (energetic/conceptual) is another.
Another may be to go outside and ground yourself. Forests, seas, large parks are great for that.
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Not surprisingly, another point shared in common.
You probably wouldn’t be an artist if you weren’t an empath. Just a hunch.
It’s a sense, like hearing or vision. With eyesight comes the possibility of seeing ugliness, or of being overwhelmed by bright lights.
The solution to empathy is the same as the solution to eyesight or smell. Use it.
Take the information it gives you and let it enhance your understandings and inform your decisions. Take good care of your sensory organs. Etc.
Embrace it so that you get better at using it for your own benefit, advantage, and enjoyment. Mind where and how you direct your attention; since that informs what will fill your senses.
Don’t blame your vision for the ugliness you see. That’s the world (and your mind), not your eyesight. Don’t blame your empathy for the unpleasant or overwhelming feelings you sense.
I’m riffing here. It’s what my brain does. I’ll trust you to take out of it what is useful to you. Anyway, another person with developed empathy here.
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Have you actually tried stimulating and growing your root chakra yet? I use frequencies on youtube and boy did they help me. I feel like many disregard the importance of this center
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I don’t think subservient was the intention from my parents, but I was raised to be considerate. Unfortunately I never developed much of a backbone so I got stepped all over and then blamed myself when it happened. So I think inner child might be relevant to me as well.
@Malkuth That makes a ton of sense actually. As you can see here I didn’t even believe I was an empath so I largely ignored those other senses. I will keep this in mind. Awareness of it is definitely the first step for me.
@anon3072973 Never tried stimulating my root chakra. Did you use the frequencies while using subs? I just don’t want anything to conflict for me. And what sort of stimulation did you do? I’ve always assumed chakras are like an indicator and you can’t work directly on them. For example an imbalanced root chakra is remedied by either adjusting thoughts or actions to bring yourself into alignment.
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@Fractal_Explorer - as an empath myself, I can agree with @Michel’s advice regarding grounding yourself in nature. Since I have eye issues, I mostly recharge by relaxing at home. Empaths usually find social settings draining so we need a lot of alone time, whether at home or in nature.
@Malkuth’s advice is good too. To use empathy to fuel creativity.
Regarding @anon3072973 's advice, I use normal meditation and Semen Retention to raise the vibration of my chakras. Other methods are Yoga, Chi-gong and Breath-work. Even I am hesitant to mix things with SubClub (like youtube frequencies) but I think some people are more comfortable doing so and it works for them.
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Mostly I don’t mix them. Actually I think I don’t mix them at all. All I did was listening to the frequencies 3 times in a row (which is about 30 mins). Doing this for 2 months now and I benefit greatly, especially socially speaking.
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@anon3072973 - my mistake. I didn’t mean literally mixing them. I just meant that some of us aren’t comfortable using YouTube frequencies during the same days when we are using SubClub subs. For eg-, I wanted to do Sapien Medicine audios in the afternoon and the SubClub subs when sleeping in the night. But always ended up wondering whether it would affect my results. So using only SubClub for now.
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