Ascended Mogul + Ultimate Artist

Journals - Major Programs
#353

Def some movement going. Just smashed through that writers block I was having. Realized I was mulling things over in my head too much vs just doing it. I’ve studied a lot but I haven’t practiced. So in reality there a few things I’m good at, a few things I’m not. I have to make sure I focus on taking action more with the music vs worrying about not knowing it all. That’s where the growth lies, not more books. It’s like taking off the training wheels and telling myself ok now you have to figure this out on your own without guidance.

And then it dawned on me why I’ve been so stuck lately. No good decisions in life ever come from fear. I’ve been stuck in fear. Making the same fear based decisions, worrying about the same stuff. Money, jobs, time running out, etc. I’ve been in a loop of manifesting everything in my life I don’t want for most of my life. All because fear seems more real to me than great possibilities. And that’s because again, I haven’t practiced assuming the best for myself.

I’ve been frustrated I haven’t been able to get the full effects of the subs, but I see now how I was relying on them too much to automatically change my thinking. The reality is the subs were triggering more anxiety, which lead to more fear based thinking. At a certain point I should have stepped in and broken that up. My subconscious really only knows fear at this point in my life and it’s my responsibility to change that.

1 Like
#354

I think this insight may be relevant to me as well.

1 Like
#355

Today on my way to work I was feeling stressed. Didn’t want to go there, didn’t want to deal with this company anymore. I found myself in the familiar trap of beating myself up about my skills, how I was just lucky I got this job and nobody else would want me. Then I said no. I told myself I deserve better than this job. I deserve a job that respects me, a job that gives back to me in some way, a job where I’m not treated like a disposable thing. But then I went further. I said I deserve a better life. Screw this boring ass 9-5 thing and then squeezing in my real life outside of it. I deserve a life where I can follow my passion for music and I can live from my soul. Not scrape by, not live in scarcity, but to thrive.

I’m making progress. A few months ago I couldn’t accept nice things for myself or felt shame about wanting them. But I’m ready for it now. I’ve spent too much of my life struggling and I deserve better.

I was wrong, it’s not fear. It is and always has been self worth. It’s not that I haven’t been trying hard enough. It’s that I haven’t been open and accepting. Before your life changes you have to be open to it. The entirety of your being has to say yes I accept this. If you’ve lived in scarcity, struggling, always feeling like you had to drag yourself through glass to get through life, you need to ask yourself if you’re open to the experience of having a better life. Leaving behind the negativity, loving yourself, and feeling deserving. That’s it.

And you don’t need a reason to do it. That’s the most important thing. We are groomed to think the outside determines our worth. Our worth is our decision. It’s hard at first and your mind may reject it with a “but I still haven’t achieved xyz or I’m not xyz”. Just say no, it’s an illusion. And other people might try to imply you’re not good enough, but that’s them. You don’t have to buy into it.

Just talking out loud here, but thought I’d share because this has been my plight for the longest time and today in no time at all I realized it doesn’t have to be that way and all I have to do is decide to treat myself better.

4 Likes
#356

Fear…of success?

#357

Fear in general. I guess that covers success too. But there’s definitely been something else going on underneath that held me back. I realized even if I didn’t fear these new things, what would my relationship with them be like? That’s when I realized an inner discomfort and rejection towards them. And I knew I had to change that relationship.

#358

Woke up out of bed this morning and I was trying to hang onto the feelings I had the other day. But I was feeling bad. And I was trying to force myself to feel good again. Another important lesson. The down days will come and they aren’t failures, they aren’t major setbacks, it’s all part of being human. And that also means I don’t have to put my life on pause until I “fix” it. Somedays I’ll feel worse than others, but I can still do what I want to do to improve my life. The worst thing I ever did was criticize myself for feeling certain ways vs accepting and allowing. Pushing it all away works momentarily, but it catches up.

I think it’s hard sometimes simultaneously facing your demons and not getting reabsorbed into them. But it definitely seems to be the way to grow. Awareness without attachment.

2 Likes
Ecstasy of Gold Journal: Kether to Malkuth
#359

You know if you really listen to people in day to day life you can hear the limiting beliefs almost. It’s wild. I used to think that I was way behind other people, but I think the reality is I have a different focus. I’ve always wanted more, even before subs or any self help when I was a kid. I’d watch adults go about their business, stressed out and struggling, and be utterly confused. It always felt wrong, like I had an internal knowing that life isn’t supposed to be that way. Gradually as I grew up I took on more of that “adult” mindset, but I still had that feeling inside and it never went away.

I reflected on a lot on my drive home yesterday. I’ve been upset for the past few years ending up in situations that don’t make me happy. I didn’t willingly seek these out, I didn’t say “hey you know what? I’d like to work for a company that takes advantage of me and treats me like shit”. No, but I did say it with my energy. I didn’t stumble into these jobs. I created them for myself. That’s a tough thing to swallow sometimes. Taking responsibility for what I bring into my life. But it’s the truth and it just goes to show there’s a lot going on behind the scenes that dictates where things go in your life.

Having said that my goal is to now break free of all those limiting beliefs most people have and their influence on me. When people advise safe things, when they tell you something isn’t possible, when they tell you to be more realistic, etc. I’ve deferred to a lot of people in my life for figuring things out, but I’ve realized they don’t understand how the world works any better than I do so I’m better off forging my own path and exploring. The “I” inside me that doesn’t believe this stuff is pretty much just a mirror of the beliefs I’ve internalized from other people.

3 Likes
#360

Does that revelation fill you with confidence, or does it create anxiety?

#361

Confidence. Without a doubt. I’m not there yet, but I am so done listening to other people and all the bs they want to put in your head about life. Being able to create my own guidelines and live by those, that’s the path I’m walking now.

2 Likes
#362

Also bought as above so below to start seriously working on energy cultivating. Listened to so below. It was a really interesting experience. I had no idea what it would be like going into it. The emotional charged driven aspect of it is what caused me to choose it. I’ve done the gentle calm approach in the past, but lately I just feel like shaking things up. Very strong emotional release during it, I felt energy start in my stomach and it shot up to my chest and then I got really warm. The visual aspect of it was the most surprising part for me, I’m not too great at visualizing but at one point I physically felt there surrounded by the energy.

Afterwords I spent some time utilizing that energy to visualize and reinforce my goals. Basically to get even more centered and self focused. I’ve realized in my life I’ve very often neglected my own needs and the energy cultivated in so below seems very direct and concentrated. This in contrast to my years spent in a very drifting diffuse unfocused state. Seems like the type of energy I should be utilizing, especially pushing for the goals of AM. Anyway definitely a very interesting supercharger.

1 Like
#363

Been really doubling down on listening to the Elixir lately. One thing I noticed, it took me a while before I felt ok with letting go and allowing the healing to take place. I guard that center of my being very intensely. Even from myself.

This is part of what makes change hard for me. I feel as if I am very disconnected from my emotions. But at the same time it doesn’t feel safe to feel those things. I get a few windows every now and then where I get a deeper look and then I get shut out again. I know that’s where the growth lies though. Those other parts of myself that go unacknowledged. Somehow I just always end up suppressing it until I realize it one day and then address it, then suppress it again, etc. like a cycle.

1 Like
#364

Realized I’m not taking my music seriously enough. And in the end it’s my choice, but the words echo in my head of the people that say just keep it a fun hobby. It’s that type of mindset that contributes to low drive with achieving stuff.

I was really agitated today and decided to give a shot at channeling that into my music. I managed to finish something today. And it felt meaningful to me. I can’t count the amount of times I got so caught up in the technical shit with music that I lost the soul of it.

If I’m honest I’m so insecure with my own music. Yes I make it for myself, but I also want to share the experience with the world. I just have a metric ton of self doubt when it comes to my own stuff. I haven’t been finishing a lot because I’ve been caught up in the familiar trap of thinking my stuff can’t compare to anyone elses

3 Likes
#365

Just get it out there. Even “bad feedback” can be constructive. Also, having someone diss one or two tracks isn’t the end of the world. You create your own reality – you can always just delete them (assuming you upload to SoundCloud or something).

2 Likes
#366

This is what I’ve been trying to move towards. I have a tendency to hold onto everything because it never feels “done”. But I’m going to start throwing stuff up on SoundCloud again. Haven’t posted there in well over 2 years so it’s definitely due. I used to think it was me being a perfectionist and working hard at my craft, but I realized recently it’s really just fear. I have to be more consistent with my output and know when I’ve reached the limit on a song.

1 Like
#367

What might be some of your ideal contexts for sharing your music with the world?

What I mean is in your dream scenario of hearing your music out, where is it?

A club? A café? Radio? A commercial?

One place I think I’d like is in a movie. A documentary film would be cool.

For me, it’s not about a contest, not about a ‘win’. It’s about a connection. I would like to meet people who ‘get’ what I’m trying to do. Or I want people like that to hear the music. It’s like a ‘finger pointing at the moon’, if you’re familiar with that metaphor. (If not, the metaphor’s saying, ‘it’s about the moon, not the finger’)

I’d much rather my music were played by 5 people who get it, than by 500 people who don’t.

As for the journey of becoming more and more skilled, that also seems like a life journey. Not a contest. A process of clarifying your voice. You know?

I guess I’m expressing that I feel like what one is saying is almost more important to me than how one says it.

And the content of what one is saying is a matter not of virtuosity, but of sensibility and orientation. It’s about how the world feels to you. There’s nothing to be judged about that. Either someone relates or they don’t.

It’s that ‘feel’ that I want to express through my music. That’s the core of it.

#368

I would love for my stuff to be played at clubs or by a dj who stumbled onto my stuff and wanted to share it. But also home listening is great too. I guess anywhere where people could connect with it and it wasn’t just background noise. If I was in the position for it, djing my own stuff. But I don’t have any experience djing and I don’t think my stuff is ready for clubs yet. But something about playing out my own stuff and seeing how people connect with it would be fulfilling in its own way. I think the biggest thing for me though is not having this passion relegated to just a hobby with other things taking away that time from me. Any avenue where I could make a living doing what I love would be good for me so long as I get to have my own creative voice. Like I’d hate working on movies or other soundtracks if I had to deal with someone that wanted to influence my creative decisions. Already having the music done and someone wants to use it for something? Awesome. Definitely don’t want a job working on music where I’m answering to someone else. Especially if it’s some asshole type A exec that thinks just because he’s successful in business he knows how creativity works.

Definitely. I think part of it is thinking I have to be at the very top for people to connect with the music in terms of skills. Very all or nothing. So there’s an impatience there for me because I feel like I have to get there.

Same here man. This is really why I picked up AM and Ultimate Artist. I’m very much an artist first. Meaning the business side of all this is lost on me. But I recognize the importance of networking and building connections, I just suck at it a lot. In an ideal world the music would carry itself, but I know that’s really idealistic thinking

1 Like
#369

So beyond limitless has been great. My eagerness to learn new things has gone up, while the anxiety associated with it has gone down. Several concepts I was struggling with in regards to music production just clicked for me over the past few days and it’s opened up a whole new world of how I write my stuff. They were really abstract concepts I was working with and I couldn’t seem to build the link between that and the application. I was also really intimidated because it seemed like a lot of work and hard to execute. But I’m finding myself just making all the right decisions right off the bat. And figuring out when something is off and needs to change, it’s like I instinctively know what. The other day my chords felt off or like they weren’t harmonizing well with the other instruments, but I just knew what they needed to be after that. No more of that “damn this is wrong and sounds like shit, I’m no good at this I don’t know how to write music” thought loops. It feels like a stronger bridge between what I want to express and my ability to do it. The latest track I did was in a 3/4 time signature, that’s not crazy but I would never have done that before. I always stuck with 4/4 because I knew it better.

Definitely a sort of healing effect with regards to confidence in knowing I can learn things. I actually had a lot of negative beliefs about being slow or dumb. And new things were a threat to my self worth rather than things that would benefit me overall in life. I think I’ve listened about 5 times total to this supercharger so I’m looking forward to how much better I can get from this. I’m thinking it definitely had a synergistic effect on UA that slingshot me towards more outward manifestations of that in my music. Pretty cool.

3 Likes
#370

I had a similar thought with my art, when I was still learning how to paint and finding a practice. Practice and getting in the zone helped, but Beyond Limitless seems to attach to UA very well.

How do you feel about the right brain/left brain balancing with the supercharger?

#371

Practice is definitely key. But if you think about it practice is just strengthening unconscious competence. Using Beyond Limitless is like jumping straight to that. It’s pretty awesome. Though I don’t know how possible it is to become proficient overnight at something, it seems to help set up manageable goals that progress you forward. Like a guaranteed roadmap to improvement vs being lost. I think in general there are a lot of limitation around capabilities of the mind.

I’m not too sure about the balancing. I was actually reading about left/right brain dominance and it’s a bit of a myth, but something is definitely balancing out. I can focus a lot better and I can structure things in my head. Prior to this it was like my brains gate or filter wasn’t functioning so it was a neverending stream of accumulated ideas and possibilities with no “settling” if that makes any sense. I was very easily overwhelmed. Writing that out it makes sense now why the music became easier, I was able to set limitations in my head and act on those vs thinking I had to do all of it.

Another effect from beyond limitless, I think it improved my ability to sort of parse the information from UA and AM and execute it better. Ever since I started it, I feel like there’s less reconciliation symptoms. It’s been interesting. When you think about it the subs are complex problems to be solved, a boost in my minds ability would accelerate that. Consequently more emotional regulation as well? I feel like everything I’m writing here are typical symptoms of undiagonosed ADHD lol. I’ve read that people with ADHD have more trouble regulating emotions because again that sort of gate or filter in the brain has trouble functioning and they are bombarded all at once.

I’ll definitely be updating how it influences me more. It’s a very profound effect, that’s for certain.

4 Likes
#372

Either that or a divergent learning style (dyslexia, dyspraxia etc), which is why I wanted to ask about the L/R dominance. Spatial learning is great but the rest of the world doesn’t seem to agree…