Argument with girlfriend

Questions and Comments
#1

Ran wanted black for 2 loops, literally just had an argument with my girlfriend. She just said goodnight and slept. I am just not replying to her lines with the same laughing emojis hiding the hurt / pain anymore. I can actually feel the abundance hitting me, the fact that I don’t have to develop a oneitis. The problem that I was facing was of her saying too soon to everything, even if it’s a joke. The issue for me isn’t that she wants to wait, the issue is she says - I will with “the one” or “Why would I do this for you?” Etc… and it’s been just 4 months in, and this is giving me vibes of I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to deal with this. To the goodnight she texted, I replied “are you really going to sleep” to which there was no reply.

A part of me doesn’t feel scared, the other part feels uncertain.

I feel strongly that WB is bringing out changes in me. Yet, I need the support of comrades to help me I think!

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#2

Personally I’d be gone. That’s incredibly disrespectful and insulting. If she didn’t decide you’re the one by then you may aswell be her backup option.

I don’t know her personally, but I know enough women to know that if someone told me that she’d be cut off immediately.

Don’t waste time and energy, this will just hurt you more.

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#3

:point_up_2: This

If she really said I will with “the one” she stated that you aren’t the one.

If you aren’t the one for her, then there’s no base for a serious relationship.

Bluntly said, both of you are wasting your time, blocking each other from finding the one.

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#4

She is a timewaster, keeping you and probably other men around for attention and favors . I wouldnt want a women that has ‘lived’ a lot.

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#5

Which means she will leave you at some point when she finds someone she perceives as higher value then you and can offer her a better life. So better get rid of her now.

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#6

This is a good step in the right direction, man. WB seems to have given you an instant result, you just have to own it and roll with it. What you’re feeling is a clear signal and you already have a sense of what to do.

So, I agree with the advice already given, so I’ll just pose a question or two for you to consider:

what is she adding to your life that warrants any attachment/exclusivity from you whatsoever? How has she earned your continued attention? What would a relationship you’d prefer to have be like? Does that match the relationship you have now?

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#8

That’s a great result from just 2 loops, lol.

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#9

From my own experiences from my past while I was a super simp that never respected himself….Leave her.

Plus the fact that in her eyes you aren’t the “one” and she stated that to you, but she hasn’t left means from my experience.

  1. She is emotionally childish, and needs to have someone in her life just to feel better, while keeping you at arms length.

  2. She needs someone in her life just to fill a void and is waiting for someone “better” to leave you for. She will probably make it seem like it’s your fault when she does leave.

  3. Emotional trauma from the past, and likes to have a lot control over the relationship. Keeps you around but also doesn’t have to fully commit because you’re not the “one”. Or just likes having way too much control. Btw this is hardcore manipulation.

  4. A combination of all 3 and possibly plus more, but these are my experiences.

Either put your foot down and set very clear boundaries now and stand your ground, or leave. If she doesn’t like your boundaries then she will leave herself and do you a favor, and who knows she might start to respect you and you two work out. A lot can happen tbh

Either way The sooner you start to truly respect yourself when it comes to women, the sooner you will attract some one who will respect.

No matter how you slice it at this point in time she has little to no respect for you.

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#11

Can this be moved to the Questions and Comments section?

@RVconsultant

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#12

what a terrible mindset she obviously has, that sex is not something that she will ever enjoy, and only something she will do “For” someone who does things for her.

First of all, that’s extremely transactional. We could call that “conditional love” instead of “unconditional love.”

Second of all, that shows that even if she finds “the one” to make her “willing” to do that “for him…” well… she may do it for a year or two before going right back to that mindset of “why would I do this for you?” even though she’s now married. That’s how sexless marriages start.

Third of all, yes, as everyone mentioned, calling you not “the one” is very insulting and implies that she’s still looking for men, in her eyes, “better” than you.

Fourth of all, since sex, to her, is transactional, she seems likely to cheat and be disloyal, since sex is something that is done in exchange for good done to her - so whoever helps her might find that she does something “for” them in return.

And the fact that this fight was over text is just sad.

Feel that abundance and use it brother!

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#14

Based on what I know and experienced, with many women even if you’re not “the one” but she’s attracted enough, then you will be.

Just learn from this, and focus on upgrading yourself. You have to be “the one” in your eyes. Not anyone else’s.

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#15

I’ve read every response and I’m letting it sink in. Your responses ring true in my ears.

#16

Yup, I agree with what you’re saying.

I’m remembering all the moments I’ve overlooked. Including the initial days of the relationship.

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#17

Agreed. I’m letting it sink in. WB is just not letting me fall back into the old frame. It just shoved this learning into my face and is like, no kid, you’re not going back. The thoughts you’ve shared sink in the learning - guiding my conscious thought

#18

I have a follow up question and this was on my mind as I went to bed yesterday - What is love?

I know it’s subjective, but I’d love to hear how you guys see it or feel it or define it.

Is it something that I need to answer or is it something that I know when it comes?

#19

Yeahh

#20

Something as ephemeral as this will never be a truth, only a belief, and a quote rings in my ears any time someone asks about whether beliefs are true or not.

It’s not about whether it’s true or not. The question is, is that believe helpful, or unhelpful?"

So… in the context of Love, it’s not about whether it’s love or not, it’s about whether that person is making your life better, or worse.

1 Like
#21
  1. She said that she feels this strong sense to protect me and guide me. That made me feel she is genuine in her intentions?
  2. There is a spark whenever we talk, we meet quite frequently and go out of each others way to meet each other.
  3. I’d prefer a relationship that flows. One that gives me freedom to do the things I want to in regards to my career - Music & Business. Essentially time freedom. This current relationship really gave me that, however the sensual side is almost entirely lacking. So yes, sensual side to my relationship are important. Which is causing frustration in not being able to express.
  4. In some ways, yes. In some other ways, nope.
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#23

In our modern times, I would emphasize that love is foremost a decision.

A decision for your partner, made by both. Not to abandon the other one when trouble arises.

A decision to grow as a couple. To heal as a couple. Because everytime you get triggered in a relationship, it shows you where you are still hurt. You need to heal this. Changing the partner won’t remove the trigger. A new partner will touch the pain as well at a point.

So, for me, love is the decision, to stay together in good times and in bad times. To grow together, to heal together.

That’s why it’s important to set clear goals what you want to achieve in life and see if both of your plans fit together. If one part wants kids, the other doesn’t, then there’s no base for a relationship. Never enter a relationship with the thought I will change her/him.

But I’m digressing.

Feelings are nice, but won’t bring you through more then a couple of storms. Only a firm decision will.

2 Likes
#24

I don’t know your culture and values, I also don’t know what you mean by girlfriend, like are you guys exclusive and a couple? I also don’t know her or your experience in dating and sex… but…

In a western country or country with western values, I would never be in a exclusive relationship with someone before sex. I personally have more liberal values when it comes to sex and relationships. You might be different, but I don’t get people who become bf/gf before even have had sex. I wouldn’t go exclusive either for a couple of months on top of that as well.

Intimacy is important, it’s not about the orgasm, but it’s important to connect sexually as well.

1 Like