I have given up discord due to toxicity… this is my only online contact with people other than twitter…
sorry if i’ve treated you badly… i have tons of frustrations that other people sometimes become victim of.
lack of intimacy is kinda on the top of that list.
i guess im lonely rn too…
its been 15 months im home now… away from peers… it sucks… i never thought i would feel lonely like dis… i thought it happened to other people… people who are a little bitch and weak…
projecting again?
seems like im no different at all… i dont have that psychopathic gene… i wish i did tho…
i went crazy on porn tonight… 3 times… asian this time
its fucked up… some days i barely have any energy at night and absolutely no intention to PMO and i think great i dont have energy so i’ll just sleep now…
but then i fuck up and do it anyway… such a boyish behaviour… strong men dont do this… fuck
im telling myself everyday… no more no more… but fuck again
i think a huge problem rn is I’m in limbo… but I always had the power to break out but didn’t
I don’t have any structure in life rn… wake up and sleep anytime and no issues… and I’ve been abusing that thing to end up in a headspace like dis
the thing that I wanted to make… the community… i don’t think I can make it work… its hard work maybe that’s why I’m avoiding it…we’ve may small progress but it doesn’t mean shit if I don’t move it forward…
It seems you are having some form of awakening at the moment. I can relate to that from last year when I went through a similar journey. Big confusion, everything seems bleek and you feel lost and helpless. Everything I believed in seemed just absurd.
Honestly I still don’t know exactly how to relate to what I am today, but I know that things becomes better. Something old is cracked open, and something new is being brought to the table of your experience.
How many loops are you playing each day?
Back in November last year I used to play Khan St1 for 15 hours every day to plow through a heavy period. It was the old technology but still it depleated all my energy and I felt emotionally drained. Things cleared up when I eased up on the exposure and I found the way forward that I needed.
Take care of yourself, and don’t be so hard on yourself. Life is a roller coaster and you do more harm by shaming yourself for what you don’t like about your behavior. Develop awareness and learn to observe it. That’s how I changed many unwanted behaviors in me. Spot them, observe them without judgment, and let them go.
That’s the thing, it’s sneaky. As long as you keep listening it feels good. Almost like a pacifying behavior. I’m just learning and implementing more rest days, but it’s so ingrained to bulldoze so that I have to fight the urge all the time of over-listening.
The whole awakening thing came out of nowhere after years and years of suppression. It was so owerwhelming that I felt everything else, my life, job, family and friends, and all that felt like kindergarten.
I wrote about my journey after RVconsultant asked my about it in his journal. I talked about it in that post.
I’m wondering if all that emotion that you’ve been feeling and experiencing as anger perhaps is changing form.
I realize you might be experiencing upheaval right now. How about getting a bit of focus on what you want rather than focusing on the unpleasant emotions you are experiencing?
I’ve asked you a number of times to post a well defined, clear objective about what you want to accomplish with subliminals. I don’t remember everything that is posted, so if you have done that, please post the link to that post. If not, please do so now.
what is exactly changing form? Like reflective of changes happening within me? Like my “form” is changing and this is the external manifestation of this change? What is form really?
dis is good idea
THIS IS IT👇
More self-confident and secure
Create an online income stream
Be more brave and courageous
Be a leader
Have intimacy, adventure and excitement in life
Have a solid tribe, powerful network of people
Not put off stuff for tomorrow and be action-oriented and driven.
Money Money Money.
This about sums it up.
Those are the things I want in life… of those is there anything subs CANT help me with?
Am I overreaching with subs?
After getting the above things… mostly tons of money… I’ll be able to do what i really wanna do…
I want to study my mind… and mind in general… there’s tons of stuff around us that we dont know…
I want to not have to worry about finances and about the people who depend on me.
Please don’t bru. Trust me I used stage 1 solo from a long time ago. The changes and shifts are underwent is difficult to put into words. Mind you it’s only stage 1. Whatever you do don’t rush through Khan. Don’t stack. Run solo and you will definitely thank me soon.
Keep reaching out for help because it’s a bumpy road. I will assist as much as I can in relation to my journey.
Top Secret : I used to be a disciplined fapper…. As of now…no interest in that at all. I seek real women.
From my experience stacks are really taxing especially with the new technology.
The recon by stage 1 of Khan alone is really hectic.
You don’t have to listen to me religiously lol but I’m telling you what worked for me since you brought up the porn issue. I was in your situation with porn and masturbating.
You seem to have gone from anger to despair, which made me wonder if you were angry with yourself rather than others.
Now on to what is really important…
Okay! Great!
Now let’s get more specific, and let’s just start with one.
“More self-confident and secure”
How would you know when you have achieved more self-confidence and security? How would an observer know? What would you be thinking, feeling, and believing?
yeah I think I explicitly confirmed this on more than one occasion.
When I can go after what I want with little no regard for the outcome or the judgement that comes with it… good or bad… mostly my personal judgement… i don’t want to impress anyone… yet in my mind there are scenarios… day dreams… where I’m the badass and everyone is in awe of me…
i feel pathetic after such daydreams… i want to live an exciting life not just dream about it
When I don’t have anything to prove to anyone… that’s a good indicator imo of security… I’m in insecurity rn…
Self confidence goes hand in hand with the above stuff ig.
They would kinda be in awe of me… about how I just do what I want (daring things, not jerkoff and sleep all day type shit )
they would want to be in a way… they would want my carefree and aloofness… my courage my frame,
they would think who is he and how can I be like him… he has everything a guy could want… tons of money, pussy and freedom
I would be focussed on my next mission… my next adventure, my next hunt…
i’d be thinking the universe is in my favor (paging @Hermit who’s younger and wiser than me)… and that everything i touch turns to gold…
i would feel… on a regular basis that life is good… that it was all worthwhile… I’d feel that my parents are proud and i gave them a lot too… i’d feel somewhat satisfied and smug… I’d be thinking of helping others too…
i’d believe that life was good and had been kind to me… and i should be paying back…
The more I’ve written here i realise I’m at the wrong place and subs are not what will get me there… and you’d agree… i have to lift my ass but that’s not my point…
my point is that i just have to just my ass without subs and shit…
due to my shitty feeling yesterday… i used love bomb while sleeping… like 6-7 loops… and when i wake up… nothing… absolutely nothing
Ultima is the pinnacle of subliminal technology. Get results in as little as ONE loop in the first few days. Read more about Ultima here. Note that Ultima titles are ONE file — a masked subliminal with an embedded ultrasonic subliminal.
what a croc of shit (maybe, maybe not? all Sminds are different… right?)
maybe it is not and just due to reading all your journals and experiences… my expectations are overblown… i guess i cant blame anyone for that…
last time i used love bomb i had crazy recon… felt terrible and shit…
maybe this time my mistake was using it while i was in recon (was it? fuck who knows… maybe i was… it all originated in my mind right) again my and my fault only
. As of now…no interest in that at all. I seek real women.