Yeah, probably best to end this subdiscussion here. Would’ve to add a lot, but it would be OT, politics and probably not very helpful to OP.
Sorry, @Fractal_Explorer for veering a bit off course!
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Perhaps. Diverging off into set theory and boolean logic vs quantum computing would only make sense to a small number of individuals 
I hope the information is useful to the OP though.
sigh what I was hoping to avoid bringing up this topic.
@emperor_obewan I understand what you mean. But it’s not my responsibility to educate people. I don’t get reactionary and have hatred for one side. I hate the divisiveness as well. But I’m not gonna be dragged into wasting my energy trying to advocate for myself and show people. I’m just going to live my life and if by some random chance I run into someone I have a chance to impact then cool. But that’s not going to be my mission. It’s unfair to me and any other transgender individuals that want to live their lives and be treated as equals.
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well, to take a word from another group, the whole meaning of the term non binary is that things are not either-or. That only happens in digital computers. Again, the point.
My suggestions remain unchanged… Sanguine, maybe Executive, and Hero.
You write that you’re not going to “waste” your energy “advocating” for yourself. That assumes that you need to advocate for yourself. Look at yourself deeply and know yourself; that’s what’s known as self love and if done properly it removes fear. Look beyond the physical body. Look beyond the “I am” statements. The “I am” statements are the ones which will cause you fear and anxiety. I will never be treated by others as equals, because most of them are stuck in this habit of identifying with this or that tribe. Don’t let that stop you connecting with people outside your familiar group. Be infinite.
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I am on a different path in life, one I’m still trying to navigate and learn from mistakes. Looking beyond the physical body led me further and further away from finding happiness for myself. I can’t return to that mindset because I’ve been disconnected from the physical for a very very long time.
This is the hardest part for me. Who I am has been connected to a political ideology I am not a part of. That’s why I didn’t want this to devolve into politics because it takes the focus off me as an individual. I see this as a medical problem I have to correct and that puts me in the line of fire in society. That is very difficult. When I’m just trying to do what’s best for me. I fucking hate that the timing of everything with me coming to terms with being trans has become so intertwined with everything politically. I’ve essentially lost my own voice when I talk on these things.
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Can you elaborate a bit on how AISI helped you if you don’t mind? This is a big one in my opinion. People definitely target based on this, just as most people have an intuitive sense of who to avoid I believe there are dangerous people who have honed their own instinctual responses to pick out the inverse. It would be nice to know that subconsciously I wasn’t sending this message out into the world.
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I do wish I can explain more clearly but what I can explain is the emotional feeling of it since am an empath. And plus, after taking an advanced form of astrological profiling (which unfortunately I can’t divulge more info on due to privacy reasons), I came to know that I have some gifts that involve feeling emotional energy in myself and others.
This heightened state of empathy has its boons and curse of course. And I had to deal with a lot of emotional issues that arise due to my psychological/astrological makeup.
It’s not that we are limited by our current state of being but what I can explain from that state and from that part of my life is that I had to master that part of me which involved using emotional intelligence for good which could involve understanding people on a deeper level especially what they feel. But to also overcome the challenges of feeling too much one of which is the feeling of fear.
I have had to deal with this emotion a lot in my younger life. One of the reasons I believe I cannot watch horror inmovies since I end up not only taking on the feelings of the characters in the movie but also of the audience. Not to mention my own state of horror. This lead to horrible nightmares and states of mind that swelled on the fear of the dark and entities that could attack me. Including people who could deal harm to my person.
So when I ran AI:Si due to a specific incident in my life which provoked a fear of going to jail, the resulting first two weeks was terrible in terms of recon since it felt like the sub magnified the fear of losing my freedom, being assaulted in jail, and related nightmares.
After that had passed, I had occasional fear-related recon but the frequency of it reduced until one day I had the thought, “so what if I go to jail and all these terrible things to me?”. And the answer was “if it happens, I deal with it. What makes me not able to deal with it? Am I that soft? What if I have already done so in a past life? Maybe I can make someone’s life in there better…” And so and so forth.
Basically the fear was gone. At least 90% of it. Meaning I am still human and I could still end up being terrified if it happens but the fear stopped controlling my normal waking hours and stopped haunting my sleep. Which is what I wanted.
One needs to be in a normal of mind when circumstances are normal around them in an everyday situation. But a fight or flight response is also normal under extraordinary circumstances like being faced with danger.
That has been my experience. And I hope you will gain from running AI:SI for yourself. I would say that the initial recon could be a bit hard but if one reminds oneself that it is releasing the emotion out of you, then one can embrace the bit of suffering in the moment to be free for the long term.
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Thank you! This sounds like what I need. I’m ready to tackle these fears head on. My approach to handling the fear was lying to myself and saying it wasn’t that bad, but that’s dangerous. Living in my own safe bubble vs being aware and thriving despite those fears. I didn’t want to address these fears because it puts me face to face with some of the awful things people can do.
I know I can’t always control my circumstances. And I know fear isn’t something to be conquered, but a helpful indicator that shouldn’t be handwaved away. But it does have to coexist in some way. I’m honestly more afraid of ignoring my gut feelings in the future out of recurring patterns of my own emotional invalidation vs dealing with being calm and steady in mind.
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That’s excellent, @Fractal_Explorer! All the best and am sure you will be able to do it! Onwards my friend!
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So what’s the final verdict?
I think Survival Instinct, Love Bomb For Humanity, and Sanguine.
Once you get some time and results with those, you could switch to healing or I don’t know, something like Daredevil, Stark or whatever you like for more of the focus on what you want, rather than what you want to avoid.
That’s been my journey as well. Tackling the fear and then getting rid of all the unwanted situations/people, had to spend time alone but I like it. So I’m just getting back to focusing on what I want now instead of what I don’t want.
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I think I’m going to run Survival Instinct in my current stack which is a HOT custom and seductress. I don’t want to focus too much on this and give it my center focus. Mostly I want to keep striving with my own goals and kind of have this as a safeguard. But now I’m wondering maybe I could drop a few modules in the HOT custom like codename umbra and fearsome and spare myself additional brain processing. I’ve already got safety net in that one too. I might give that a shot first.
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Limiting People Remover could be a good on in addition to codename umbra. Maybe negative energy transmutation as well, just some ideas for you.
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Other ideas:
Codename:Umbra
Fenrir
Fearsome
Manipulus
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Yea Fenrir would fit into the OP’s mention of wanting to be ruthless if absolutely necessary, it pairs with Fearsome.
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I like the description for fenrir. About time I tapped into some feral energy vs being afraid of getting hurt.
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I wanted to update this thread in case anyone else on the forum might be in a similar situation. What worked and what didn’t work so well.
Sanguine helps. A LOT. It helped me take in any information without being sucked into doom spirals. It helped me reprioritize my life among the chaos and break me out of a frozen pattern. It’s helping me figure out how to navigate everything in my life right now.
What caused issues was Fenrir, Fearsome, Codename Umbra, and Manipulus in a custom. It triggered more anxiety in me because I was preparing for something. And as someone with an already established history of trauma it wasn’t helping.
As always your experience may vary, but I suspect Fenrir was particularly extreme in how it manifested and locked me into a fight or flight state.
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For me the best was Primal.
I also really like LBFH/DRLD in a custom. I chose like Safety Net, You Are Not Alone, Stonelike etc. for the modules. It took about 3 months but it’s pretty great. Cool breeze feeling while other times I go through some feelings, but chalk that up to DRLD and limits being destroyed. Doesn’t have me focused on defending, more just living and how and what I want in life. Also LBFH has light aura of protection and DRLD has scripting to disconnect from any negative people or energy and also negative to positive transmutation.
It seems like that route is the preferred one. Unless maybe one works in a high stress environment with danger, then maybe Survival Instinct. But either way, I felt like Sanguine was good. Just after a time I was drawn to DRLD for that next level after I felt finished with Sanguine.
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Did it manifest bad situations? Or you were just stuck in Fight/Flight as if being ready for anything that could happen?
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Nope no bad situations manifesting. Just stuck in fight or flight. Which I think also bottlenecked my sub progress as a whole because I felt like this perceived threat was the most important thing.
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At some time I even found that when I first tried the relaxation route, that when I got relaxed then those old traumas or whatever would surface. So it’s probably just a matter of finding the right balance to help one facilitate the processing of that. I also found that the most important thing was maybe just rest and stress relief to get that nervous system back into balance.
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