Dear Subliminal Clubbers,
I decided to make a journal to open-up a little bit and announce that I am in fact @hermit, truth is I was experimenting heavily week after week on Q subliminal’s. If experiments failed, I could easily washout for several days and all would be fine. Once Qv2 was introduced this gradually led to disaster, I did not expect it to be so permanent, deep and powerful which led to my ultimate downfall and losing myself in an imposter syndrome kind of identity crisis — I no longer knew who I was, what I was meant to do, how I felt, etc
Proceeded with doing a 5-months washout, after honestly never having done one before and I was still processing information after those 5-months.
My apatite was gone, stopped working out, I became drained, had constant headaches, all kinds of things started going wrong, etc
Before the subs my life was great, I was always extremely popular, likeable, humorous, a kind, gentle and charming person. Never made enemies, as I always ensured to make everyone feel good, etc
Actually, I never ran a program longer than a week since then (besides Stark and Ascension for a few months and had profound results with)
I was constantly changing on the internal in one direction and never gave it time and patience to be manifested on the external. I got stuck in a limbo, constantly living in a strange form of deja-vu (which has finally passed), and other abnormal symptoms of subliminal overexposure and misuse.
Anyhoo, after regaining some clarity, I decided to craft a Custom to heal the wounds of my own making, and to once and for all use them constructively towards a certain end goal (instead of a tool of experimentation to understand how Spirituality and the Mind functioned) — I used myself as an alchemical laboratory by which I gained massive insight into the natural function laws, the nature of reality, etc
But it came at a huge cost, I became ungrounded, had lots of constant stress which I eased and controlled using mental exercises and meditative practises. You can get the picture…
Eventually, it just lead to disaster.
Had some ludicrous reconciliation yesterday and after a 3-min loop of Rebirth things just fell into place and @SaintSovereign encouraged me to write a journal and share my story which could be a adventure from resurrection into mastership.
That is the ultimate goal for me is to gain success in worldly affairs but to do so by Spiritual growth and attainment.
All of that being said, I honestly am truly sorry and saddened by all the chaotic and dramatic events that have unfolded over the past year and for that, I want to extend my apologies to all who were involved.
I’ve been made a Custom, the intent and purpose is to lay a solid foundation by which I may live a beautiful life filled with blessings and good fortune.
Once, I have regain my selfhood, I want to good deep within and stone by stone overcome all limitations, traumas, weaknesses, habits, personality traits, etc which are not of the greatest benefit of me and my contemporaries.
With the end goal of achieving ultimate success both in the Spiritual and material realm.
Again, I wish to apologise for the dramatic events I have to admit they were out of my control even though I was very aware of the events as they took place, my subconscious was in such a mess that I could hardly reign over it.
I hope it is understood that this was most painful experience with some major cataclysmic events as a result, (not just here on the forum), that I am deeply hurt and traumatised by all that happened and that my main focus and goal is to heal from all that and to become the best version of myself.
I also had an accident were I nearly death and was drove over by a car. Among other events which have occurred by some messy things I got into.
To iterate, I went through a lot and I had none to rely upon but myself as I felt none would even remotely understand what I went through besides those who exiled me.
Anyhow, here you have my Custom.
It’s been rough, I was in complete inertia, I could barely ever sleep, never woke up fresh or rejuvenated, was under constant stress, barely had apatite, stopped living life, started contemplating on a lot of things but wordt of all I was deeply hurt even though I always uplifted, transformed and helped others to feel better and live a fuller life.
My parents divorced, etc the list goes on.
So, this Custom is intended to resurrect from the shadows of death. To heal my head from the sustained injuries, to regain my charm and love for life, to heal my wounds regarding love, friendship, to protect myself from being an outcast by those who hold different believes, etc
And most importantly to remove all that is not me “I Am” and to know who I Am, and to be congruent with it.
After a month on a program, I always regained my sense of grounding, a sense of knowing who I am. Each time (running a program) a transformation happens and I was stuck in this transformation going so many directions at once, I lost hold over reality and my place in it.
I still get massive pressures in the third eye and crown, sometimes I do not feel my body it’s like there is a disconnection, and I can barely even read a book because I’m over-processed and exhausted.
So please do bare that in mind before wildly accusing someone before you even know what a person is actually going through.
I have not shared even a little bit of the actual Spiritual experiences and revelations which have deeply shocked me and left me despised.
My goal now is to build a solid foundation so I know who I am, to transmute all the negative feelings of pain, suffering, hurt, etc into emotions of life and growth while integrating this custom to the fullest.
I think it helps if I can share with others and at least not have any lingering negative feelings towards subliminal club because it would adversely affect my suggestibility from the scripts.
I would simply reject it because it has subliminal club in it.
Therefore, I think it’s wise to constantly affirm to yourself how easily it is for you to get results and to integrate the scripting.
Also, some of you I felt connected with deeply and grew close friends with and as a Scorpio who deeply admires and encourages loyal connections, I felt deeply betrayed and hurt.
So yeah, I think I have to start over from the beginning but I’m happy that I can progress towards something more beautiful.
First objective is to get rid of the overwhelming cloudiness and headaches which have been with me since Renaissance Man was released in Qv2. I remember feeling so plugged-out from the reconciliation like I did not know what feel, internally, so much was shifting all at once were as Q was more of a gradual shift this was an instant state-shift and I was stuck, perpetually, within this integration cycle never ending on the other, more positive, side of things.
Feel free to give remarks and share as you see fit.
I had to come here in extreme reconciliation and make sure that I did not cause harm which was very difficult.
Even after as little as a month on any subliminal I get unbelievable mind-blowing results but I never stuck to anything because I was just experimenting. I had this idea that if I could get anything anyway, why not discover what the world is first about so I know WHAT I want and how I can have a positive influences instead of going after wealth, woman, etc which I am not interested in unless it has an overarching purpose.
I love passion, ambition, to dream big and to go after those dreams if they set my Heart and Soul on Fire.
I’m very conscious and I know what I say so please do not think I did this all on purpose or with some dark intent.
I called myself Hermit once because at that time I went on a Spiritual path, detached from the world and I associated with this Hermit archetype so I could discover the Spiritual world by distancing myself from all illusions of the external world.
This journey was a success but now I have to reintegrate, lay a solid foundation, to find myself again and to use what I have learned so I can do what I have set out to do.
Perhaps I should of gotten Lifeblood Fable? 
Lastly, I did not go over this post, I’m too exhausted and tired right now and I shared from the heart so I’d appreciate it you’d refrain from judging on some of the randomness and spelling mistakes. I don’t see this as a business report or school thesis as other people do even though it’s an online forum, I do not live by ulterior motives for me it just is conventional.
My texture and writing will improve as I heal and improve.
But I’m mostly formless right now.
With Gratitude 
