People of high status can not and will not ever have a bad opinion about you. They will either have a positive opinion about you or no opinion at all. So you can go through life expecting praise or nothing, no risk involved.
There will always be a hierarchy. From the moment we enter a room we scan the room and find our place in the local hierarchy. Nothing wrong with that. If Dwayne Johnson attended a Tony Robbins seminar, he would quietly seek his chair and acknowledge Tony as the resident alpha. He would not pull a Kanye West.
I often indicate to people that there are things they can do that I can’t and I even have on occasion acted submissively towards people when there was something I could learn from them and it was behavior they expected in order to feel comfortable teaching.
But never let somebody determine your worth. In fact, those who would rank highest on the alpha scale would not ever do that. They will usually either compliment you to raise your self-esteem or they will simply go about their day expecting you to do the same, two strangers on different paths not compatible enough to walk together.
I don’t recall Saint or Fire ever being nasty to people, do you? They will either take an interest in you or let you be, and only ever act against you if they feel the integrity of the forum or company is threatened. Even then, they are matter-of-fact about it. But I have never heard either of them utter an insult. An alpha simply doesn’t feel the need to, it takes energy better spent on something worthy of it.
So keep in mind that if somebody that you consider high value or high status takes the opportunity to bring you down, it is a sign of their own insecurities and need to feel superior (a need an alpha doesn’t experience), meaning they are in fact of low status even if they hold a more important position in society. Remember that next time somebody makes you feel less, they may very well envy you for your high value.
And catch yourself when you’re about to do the same to another, they may be as reliant on your positive opinion as you are on others. You have a responsibility to not break their self-esteem. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it and serve as an example.
You are not alone in that.
I do that often enough, sometimes making a point of showing off my accomplishments to ensure everybody knows the value I’ve added. Otherwise I feel that if they don’t know I will not get the praise I deserve. Instead they will give it to somebody that speaks up but has not done nearly as much as I have.
It’s a process which goes away slowly as you start getting more praises and you start believing in your own value. I have a mental list of times when somebody acknowledged me for my skill and accomplishments which I can remind myself of when I feel lesser.
Some say that the reason why everything is bigger in the US, from the cars to the food to the monuments (to the “leader of the free world”), is because they are compensating for their “short” history. They only go back some 250 odd years, compared to millennia for some countries. So they feel insecure and do everything bigger so people can’t overlook them. That may even be true, even though they don’t realize it.
I have this constant urge to present only the best possible version of myself. I will not go out and interact with people when I’m not impeccably dressed or when I feel overweight, I won’t often invite people to my home because it doesn’t have all the modern luxuries, and so on.
So I keep postponing that very important part of life. You see the same thing with subs, I tend to gravitate to wealth, healing and spiritual subs and shy away from social subs. Not because I’m scared but because I can not offer people the best version of myself.
Imagine doing that for years, always postponing life because you’re not quite ready. Scary thought?
At some point you just have to go for it. Make a promise to say “yes” to every invite whether you like to or not. Remind yourself that the people worthy of being friends will see past your imperfections and help you overcome them, while the others will go off on their own after sharing a moment with you.
It’s very hard, since there’s no magic motivator here, you just have to do it. Also, once you can go out again, go out to events on your own and just do your best to have fun. Once it starts feeling natural, people tend to want to invite you, like they can sense it. But if going out for a drink is awkward for you, they don’t usually invite you.
Besides, if you can feel comfortable going to a bar or club alone and dancing on the dance floor alone, you are most definitely comfortable doing it with others. Boy, being out alone can be the most uncomfortable thing ever. You may even start approaching people simply to be seen talking to people because the perception that people may think you’re a creepy loner is stronger than your approach anxiety.