A shift of perspective


#1

Ever since I started SUBCLUB, my focus had been “Status” and becoming high value.

I was a Pushover.
I was afraid of confrontation.
Interacting with rebellious people have me anxiety (if anyone remembers my family business marketing team).
I took others problems on my shoulders.
I constantly felt like I owe everyone something, and that reflected in my submissive communication skills.
I was a spineless coward
(I’ll edit as soon as I remember more things)

These are problems which are non existent today.

However, if I am completely honest with myself, I am not completely internally high value.

I still seek validation from people with very high status, although not from everyone. High status peoples opinions still matter (edit: what I think their opinions are ).
I tie my self esteem to external achievements
I realised that I became a loner from a place of having many friends is because I avoided people after the initial great impression at the risk of appearing imperfect.people would invite me, I would reject their invitation. They stopped inviting me and moved onto developing greater stronger circles and I moved on to being stuck at home alone fapping to porn.

All these thoughts came up after I saw a post of school friends hanging out, where as I don’t have a single friend from school I can count on. But my self esteem shouldn’t be tied to that.

I need some deep healing of regeneration.


#3

Hi @mecharc
I feel that you def going through some intense reconcilliation. I read your journal and realised the amount of loops and so many different titles you have and the constant switching of subs.
I myself used to do the same lol but im now on khan stage 1 which is getting close to 2 months…thats the longest i have ever ran any title before.


#4

Getting the urge to try Dragon Reborn, eh?


#5

Haha… Not at all

Something happens in late fall early winter, same happened last year this time.


#6

Quit social media, it’s worse than porn. :smile:


#7

Growth takes time and happens over time.

There is no objectively good life.

It’s all about you reviewing your situation honestly just as you were doing here and choosing a direction. You’ll move in that direction and it will suck and it will be great. And then you’ll move in another direction. Life.

But in the course of the journey, moving here to there, changing this and holding on to that, you will gain confidence in your ability to make moves. You’ll build up skills along the way. And you’ll make great friends.

And the best of these friends will be yourself.


#8

That’s definitely an effective strategy to block toxicity, and it would likely simulate “placing all the dust under the mat and pretending it doesn’t exist.”
Why stop there when the tool to truly deflect the toxicity is right in my pocket.


#9

People of high status can not and will not ever have a bad opinion about you. They will either have a positive opinion about you or no opinion at all. So you can go through life expecting praise or nothing, no risk involved. :slight_smile:

TL;DR

There will always be a hierarchy. From the moment we enter a room we scan the room and find our place in the local hierarchy. Nothing wrong with that. If Dwayne Johnson attended a Tony Robbins seminar, he would quietly seek his chair and acknowledge Tony as the resident alpha. He would not pull a Kanye West.

I often indicate to people that there are things they can do that I can’t and I even have on occasion acted submissively towards people when there was something I could learn from them and it was behavior they expected in order to feel comfortable teaching.

But never let somebody determine your worth. In fact, those who would rank highest on the alpha scale would not ever do that. They will usually either compliment you to raise your self-esteem or they will simply go about their day expecting you to do the same, two strangers on different paths not compatible enough to walk together.

I don’t recall Saint or Fire ever being nasty to people, do you? They will either take an interest in you or let you be, and only ever act against you if they feel the integrity of the forum or company is threatened. Even then, they are matter-of-fact about it. But I have never heard either of them utter an insult. An alpha simply doesn’t feel the need to, it takes energy better spent on something worthy of it.

So keep in mind that if somebody that you consider high value or high status takes the opportunity to bring you down, it is a sign of their own insecurities and need to feel superior (a need an alpha doesn’t experience), meaning they are in fact of low status even if they hold a more important position in society. Remember that next time somebody makes you feel less, they may very well envy you for your high value.

And catch yourself when you’re about to do the same to another, they may be as reliant on your positive opinion as you are on others. You have a responsibility to not break their self-esteem. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it and serve as an example.

You are not alone in that.

I do that often enough, sometimes making a point of showing off my accomplishments to ensure everybody knows the value I’ve added. Otherwise I feel that if they don’t know I will not get the praise I deserve. Instead they will give it to somebody that speaks up but has not done nearly as much as I have.

It’s a process which goes away slowly as you start getting more praises and you start believing in your own value. I have a mental list of times when somebody acknowledged me for my skill and accomplishments which I can remind myself of when I feel lesser.

Some say that the reason why everything is bigger in the US, from the cars to the food to the monuments (to the “leader of the free world”), is because they are compensating for their “short” history. They only go back some 250 odd years, compared to millennia for some countries. So they feel insecure and do everything bigger so people can’t overlook them. That may even be true, even though they don’t realize it.

I have this constant urge to present only the best possible version of myself. I will not go out and interact with people when I’m not impeccably dressed or when I feel overweight, I won’t often invite people to my home because it doesn’t have all the modern luxuries, and so on.

So I keep postponing that very important part of life. You see the same thing with subs, I tend to gravitate to wealth, healing and spiritual subs and shy away from social subs. Not because I’m scared but because I can not offer people the best version of myself.

Imagine doing that for years, always postponing life because you’re not quite ready. Scary thought?

At some point you just have to go for it. Make a promise to say “yes” to every invite whether you like to or not. Remind yourself that the people worthy of being friends will see past your imperfections and help you overcome them, while the others will go off on their own after sharing a moment with you.

It’s very hard, since there’s no magic motivator here, you just have to do it. Also, once you can go out again, go out to events on your own and just do your best to have fun. Once it starts feeling natural, people tend to want to invite you, like they can sense it. But if going out for a drink is awkward for you, they don’t usually invite you.

Besides, if you can feel comfortable going to a bar or club alone and dancing on the dance floor alone, you are most definitely comfortable doing it with others. Boy, being out alone can be the most uncomfortable thing ever. You may even start approaching people simply to be seen talking to people because the perception that people may think you’re a creepy loner is stronger than your approach anxiety. :wink:


#10

That’s something I am aware that I have to work on. Not being judgmental or saying unnecessary or unsolicited comments or advice.
So often it’s far easier to run your mouth and tear someone down than it is to remain quiet. I’ve spent most of my life on the receiving end of harsh criticism that at some points was valid although it could probably have been given or worded better. Then there are the people take their personal shit out on you in the form of sideways anger or frustration. I have been on both the receiving and giving end and it can unintentionally burn a bridge very fast. Not taking someone else’s shit personally isn’t easy.


#11

When I was in my teens somebody taught me one of the most useful lessons I have had.

He asked me why I was angry at people, or hated them, or got frustrated by them. Because in the end, the targets of these emotions were not bothered by it at all, they just happily go on with their lives while I spent an absurd amount of time focusing on what I didn’t like about them.

Which was counter-productive, since why would I give them all that time and energy when I didn’t like them?

Instead, I should just let them go, release those feelings and minimize my interactions with the people causing them to an absolute minimum.

I admit it isn’t until recently that I’ve really begun doing that on a grand scale. I ask myself if it is worth spending time and energy on. If I can think of something better to do with it, then I should do that instead.

Unfortunately that does mean I’m not posting as much here anymore. Often I feel that my posting would not add enough value to be worth it.

But no worries, Big Philosopher is still watching you guys… :wink:

Of note is that this is the thinking process behind that idea. I am willing to invest time in building people up, but the effort of taking somebody down is rarely worth the time. So you’ll hear me pay compliments, but should never hear me do the opposite.


#12

That also translates to worrying what people think about you. Most people are far to self absorbed , glued to a screen, or their’s or someone else’s trivial bullshit to give a flying fuck about you.
You can be envious of someone all day but like @DarkPhilosopher stated they go on with their lives. I used to be ridiculously envious of people with kids because my wife and I chose not to have any for various reasons. All it takes to get over that very quickly is to hear all the kids my next door neighbors have making a ton of noise and knowing they have another one on the way to add to the fun.
Jealousy , resentment, and bitterness are tricky things because people can easily only be showing you certain parts of their lives either in person or on social media. You may not and most likely aren’t seeing everything.


#13

@mecharc

Perhaps there is something here to give you some ideas…

As for healing, I’d encourage you to read about Regeneration at the regular store. Perhaps that would be all you need.

If you think a turbo charge on healing is needed, I’d encourage you to read about Dragon Reborn.